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Using video...(6 Posts)
Hi. i am wondering whether others have found it useful to show others videos of their kids melting down when trying to persuade them there is something going on? I've seen it mentioned a couple of times and am wondering about it.
I did record DS in a couple of meltdown moments in the last couple of years. This was the end of the tether thing. No one seemed to believe me when I said he lost it at home and I wondered about showing them to the GP. But now we are booked for a private assessment and have been sent forms to give to the school. I am not convinced DS' teacher, who is also the SENCO, really believes there is an issue, but this seems like they all say that.
Am worried though about the potential harm sharing a video could do. I am worried about the ethics of sharing things about him that could be hurtful if he knew I was doing it without his permission.
And to be franks I am also worried about unintended consequences. There's one bit where DS is trying to slam a sliding door into the kitchen. I am on the other side of the door in the hallway, so he is about to shut himself in with the glass and the knives etc, in a hot rage. I'm filming holding my phone in one hand and holding the door with the other - to stop him doing more destructive things in there. He yanks the door, hurting his arm, and then immediately turns this into "you hurt me!". This is common in his meltdowns: I put my arm between him and eg the electrical wires he's trying to destroy, the doors he is slamming on himself of others, the objects he is trying to throw and he carries on and then falls to the floor howling that "I hurt him". Obviously when he is yanking me, with the door, it is pretty hard to capture exactly what is going on. I did not, do not raise my hand to him but his reaction makes it look like I did. In fact, it is quite remarkable how very calm I am throughout the video. This is because after years of experiencing this (he's now 10 and has been melting down since about 3) I have learned that any anger or shouting on my part just escalates things.
Any sane human being would be able to see what is going on. I'm just don't know whether teachers, social workers or GPs would be that sane...?
When I filmed ds and showed it to the ewo who was meant to be helping me I was told that he was only doing it because he was filmed and was 'performing' for the camera This was despite him having daily meltdowns at school which involved obliterating the classroom and injuring staff. I was only believed when school intervened and backed me up.
I have had to do this with both DD 3 and DS 5. I must admit I did feel guilty showing schools but I said before I showed them that I didn't want them to see the children any differently afterwards. I wanted to show how difficult things are and just how much of an impact school has at home as they are completely different at school. Our Ds is excellent at blaming me for hurting him. In some videos it's obvious I haven't but in others it isn't.
I think you have to do what's best. I understand how frustrating it is that no one else sees it. I also get the worry, especially as more people get involved in assessments and care and stuff. Without these people seeing your children as you do every day it will probably be difficult to get the right support.
Our Ds was self harming but wouldn't show anyone so I had to sneak photos of his body, but it helped because finally it was recognised that his anxiety is definitely a real thing.
Sorry I'm waffling a bit now, but I hope I've helped a bit. X
Thanks. DH is not keen but has agreed to think about it. I did actually show One of them to DS the other day. I had placed the phone propped up so he didn't know if was filming some of it.
I asked him what he thought about it. He went oh my god that is so EMBARRASSING! I was hopeful, then, that he could see the impact upon himself and on us. But he just kind of shutdown when I asked him what he thought was embarrassing and said his voice sounded crazy.so I don't know whether he had any clue about the emotional impact on him, us, the rest of the family.
We have an appt booked with Daphne Keen. Does anyone know if she will be interested in this video material?
I did hear that you can get fairly cheap web cams and put them up eg in corners, so that dc is unaware of being filmed.
It also helps if the videos of bad reactions are balanced by videos of good reactions.
You can then present a picture of your typical home life - the best and worst - and seek explanations of what is happening.
I think it may be a bit fairer on dc, and everyone really, whilst still pointing out that you have a dc who needs some extra support.
Does this make sense?
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