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Didn't get anything from school re backing up verbally that they think Ds1 might have aspergers

(12 Posts)
2boysnamedR Mon 01-Jun-15 17:50:42

I missed my doctors appointment to discus this with the GP but I don't know if I should re book as we emailed school and said that if they think ds has aspergers traits we need something in writing.

I walked past the head today but nothing to acknowledge our email. Seeing as I have had just to pay privatly to see if his brother has ASD I don't think I'm up for this fight.

Ds is one warning off a suspension. They phone me every other week telling me what he's been up to. I just don't know what to say anymore.

It's one of those days you feel like climbing under the covers and crying.

Has anyone got a link to aspergers traits for a 11 year old age group?

I just want this to do one, school can do one too! When they phone up telling me he can't accept the rules or he thinks everything is unfair, what do I say?

Feel like saying " what can you do? He needs a personality transplant"

The easiest thing right now seems to forget they said that until they complain re his behaviour again.

Ineedmorepatience Mon 01-Jun-15 19:52:47

I would recommend Tony Attwood's Complete guide to aspergers!

Its a great book, your library might have it. You can dip in and out of it using the index!

I covered my copy in post its when Dd3 was referred to CAMHS!!

Its worth a look smile

Icimoi Mon 01-Jun-15 20:02:35

Have you suggested they look up Asperger's and/or get expert advice about autism-specific strategies they could use to get him to follow the rules?

youarekiddingme Mon 01-Jun-15 21:22:52

When they call next time can you ask them why they think he behaves that way and what they think the route cause of the behaviour is?

Then do all our favourite thing of emailing to confirm conversation?!
If they say they aren't supporting him and don't intend to they will be hard pushed to exclude him.
If they say suspect AS out this in email.
Then end email with you still haven't had a reply to email sent on x date.

I find sometimes putting ball in their court is helpful.

DS infant school was just like this. Constant complaints, agreed poor social communication. Decided not to support but punish. I'm considering putting in official complaint to LA now he has an ASC dx. I don't expect anything to come of it but will hopefully make them think twice before failing another child sad

senvet Mon 01-Jun-15 21:50:40

1) If they have already said it is a concern, then just email it in - "thanks for taking the time to talk to me today and mentioning ASD/C as a possibility. This certainly rings bells, and I will look into it" . Of course it would be lovely if they would put it on the school's headed paper but you have enough to go on is you have your own email, given them a chance to respond, and there has been no response.

2) Ds is one warning off a suspension. They phone me every other week telling me what he's been up to. I just don't know what to say anymore.

This information alone is enough for me to say that you should apply for an EHCP. You don't need a diagnosis, although of course it helps. The school should be getting in an Ed Psych and a ASD specialist teacher and a SALT.

If they ring up again about dc's behaviour then maybe say "I would be delighted to give you permission to get in the experts, as clearly, it is beyond what the school should reasonably be expected to manage on their own".

This is 'seeing-it-from-their-viewpoint' language which translates as "get your act together you insane fools, and take your responsibilty, rather than foisting it all on me"

Hope this helps

2boysnamedR Mon 01-Jun-15 23:33:42

Lol at insane fools grin

I think some good ideas here. I have written in his home contact book saying I didn't feel I had enough backing from the school to warrant the gp appointment. Said that home link worker has told me to praise what he does well but I'm at a loss as everything in school is negative ( their feedback on him and his attitude).

I will mark a date to follow up at the end if the week and if they phone again say he's not being supported as they dropped the bombshell and walked away.

I'm not sure I could do this EHCP business again. Seriously his education will be over before I could see that.

Did the online asd test, ds1 scores 59 - mild asd, ds2 scores 95 - mild asd, ds3 scores 151 - severe asd.

So I just don't feel hopeful if ds2 who is flappy, tip toe walking, eyebrow waggling and generally complex doesn't warrant the dx I'm not going to get anywhere with my eldest. Mind you I'm not saying he isn't. Not at all. But ds2 screams asd to me. Ds1 whispers it mildly. Does that make sense?

What do I do if he does get suspended?

His younger brother is highly likely to be at the school for another four years even if I win my next appeal. He's happy there ( he's the only member of this house hold who thinks the school is great).

youarekiddingme Tue 02-Jun-15 07:36:08

If he gets suspended then ensure the back to school netting includes IEPs and support measures.

What online test was it? Can you link?

senvet Tue 02-Jun-15 17:10:17

Suspension is great evidence that they cannot meet dc's needs.

It is the old tru-ism: what is bad news for dc is good news for a case against the LA.

As I recall it, you work, so would you have to take a day/days off work if he was suspended? Or would they do an "internal exclusion" if you are unable to take the days off?

2boysnamedR Tue 02-Jun-15 18:38:15

I'm on maternity leave so I could have him at home.

Here is the online asd test. Found it via USA baby centre

youarekiddingme Fri 05-Jun-15 21:25:13

I just did the online assessment to see what my DS came up with. I used my own observations and also where I had the information due to comments from ADOS/ASC assessment I used their ratings.

DS scored on test 114 - moderate ASC. Quite interesting as the ADOS said indicative of moderate ASC and his dx was ASC - level 1!

Tbh I'm not sure my DS screams asd from observation. He certainly speech wise has an interesting way of putting things but it's only really his pragmatic speech that is poor overall.

My DS is also doing very well with lots of support. Which makes me think if your ds1 school was being supportive rather than punitive his behaviours would probably improve. It feels like they are looking at it from the wrong way round and probably are being lazy feckless and as he's leaving just trying to contain it.

How are the secondary? Is there anyway you could approach them and ask for a meeting with senco before hand. When I had to do DS educational background for ASC assessment I wrote about all problems in infants. What behaviours were observed and reported. I said no more but listed same for juniors and provided all support paperwork. Clinical psychologist asked me what support infants provided and I said none. Her reaction was professional but I am able to read non verbal communication and it was one of shock!
So I have found that some schools are far better than others even over the same child with the same presentation.

2boysnamedR Fri 05-Jun-15 23:20:35

He's not going to the off outstanding school that everyone else has opted for. He's going to the steadily good ofsted school who have a high % of ASD kids.

The senco is fantastic. She came to a local sen support group and I loved her approach. She said the school get lots of kids who have been ok at juniors then just fall apart at secondary due to things not being seen.

I think I will approach her via the home link worker who I see at this support group each month.

School did finally write a letter. It doesn't mention any possibility of sen but the behaviours it lists are that he's got limited interests, only interested in his topics, can't try new things, remembers incidents from years ago and can't move on from them. No good in Pe or any team type work.

He's been to see a west end show tonight with his theatre club and told me he chatted to lots of girls and boys from the club that attend on different days. Maybe he bored them with his topics thou?

youarekiddingme Fri 05-Jun-15 23:30:51

At least the school have a list and the secondary are likely to act on their concerns. That a positive start.

Glad he enjoyed the west end show (envy). He may not bore like minded people who have similar interests. My DS only real friend has suspected ASC and despite a turbulent relationship they communicate well to an extent as share interest. The difficulty is he doesn't understand everyone else doesn't!

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