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Looks like the end of the line for DD and school

(14 Posts)
sugaraddict Tue 05-May-15 17:41:29

DD (13) is at her second secondary school, repeating year 7 as she missed so much the first time. She has Aspergers and is very academic as well as a gifted musician.

She was not supported at all ny the first state secondary school and b the February half term was unable to attend at all. We applied for and got a statement naming a small independent mainstream school with full time one to one support and speech therapy to help with the selective mutism which developed at the first school.

We were so hopeful that this was going to work for her. The first term seemed to go well. She was speaking a bit, attendance was good and she even managed some homework! But since then she has got more and more anxious, started missing a lot of days and mostly spending her time at home in her room sleeping. The school are lovely and couldn't do more for her. They recently dropped subjects such as drama from her timetable as they were so stressful for her and to give her quiet time.

However this weekend she has had two very worrying and debilitating panic attacks. She is already being seen by CAMHS and we have an emergency appointment tomorrow.

This battle about school has now been going on for two years and the whole family is badly affected by it. I also have a DS (8). I just want my daughter back and think we just can't do this to her anymore. She's given secondary school a good try and it's just not working.

Has anyone else been in this position? We just don't know where we go from here.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 05-May-15 18:42:49

Yes we are in a very similar situation but with no statement. Dd3 is in yr 7 and is good at masking at school but falls apart at home!

She has been unable to attend on lots of occasions this term and usually doesnt get dressed or move from the sofa if she cant manage school!

I will pm you later smile

bbkl Tue 05-May-15 19:13:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schrodingersmum Wed 06-May-15 08:29:58

Another one here! Fell apart on transition from primary, similar if not worse than your DD. At the start of this term we removed her from top 22 secondary school that was rapidly destroying her
DD's a different girl, people are shocked by the good change they see and we are just overjoyed by the return of 'our girl' after we sent our DD to Interhigh and it has been life changing

bbkl Wed 06-May-15 09:24:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onlyoneboot Wed 06-May-15 09:37:04

Another one here, well 2 actually. Both DDs (12+14) stopped going to school very dramatically, they had masked so well unfortunately that no one realised the extent of their difficulties. Both are now being ASD assessed and I'm thinking home ed is our only option but I'm really unsure. Some days are good and I can see my lively girls returning but others are very hard, like this morning so far. They are so bright, I want to do what's best for them so looking at all options.

frazzledbutcalm Wed 06-May-15 09:42:36

Considering HE also .. but doubt I could do it.
Might seem daft, but where does the money come from for HE? I've just looked at interhigh but the fees are quite steep per subject. Does the government provide the tuition fees or do the parents have to fund?

bbkl Wed 06-May-15 12:35:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 06-May-15 13:18:06

Isnt it crap that there are so many of our amazing brilliant girls being destroyed by a one size fits all sausage factory education system sad

Marvel101 Wed 06-May-15 14:23:06

No advice but just wanted to say I hope things work out for your daughter. It sounds very difficult

Schrodingersmum Wed 06-May-15 19:26:36

BBKL and all its possible youve seen some of my comments, stress was being caused by school, our DD was suicidal and self harming the change is amazing in 4 short weeks. Its now a totally different relationship with education because we are in charge

So far Ive not written much as our case will be identifiable but at present our Lea is being great, having initially refused to assess for an EHC they are providing support and assessment later this month
I Cant say too much more till we have all the T's and i's crossed and dotted publicly, but at present this year alone Interhigh have pupils funded by approx 20 Lea's and schools on health grounds

If anyone wants more info please pm me

sugaraddict Wed 06-May-15 19:28:05

Thanks for replies everyone. It feels good to know that people out there understand as feel very isolated in RL. Have looked at Limpsfield Grange but she would have to board and feel that she is too fragile mentally to cope with this at the moment.

Interhigh sounds like a possibility and will look into that more. Also the possibility of naming it on a statement.

We have just had an emergency visit to CAMHS today and they are tweaking her medication but that feels so short term to me. I'm keeping her off school for the moment to take the pressure off her and while I investigate the options. Everybody including DH seems to presume that she'll return but I don't want her to.It's destroying her mental health. Long hard road ahead ..........

Schrodingersmum Wed 06-May-15 19:29:59

Just remembered I should mention Wey ecademy which still hopes to open in September 2016, same group as Interhigh but with be state funded hopefully and would be a great alternative for all our gorgeous odd shaped pegs

Icimoi Wed 06-May-15 20:14:19

Is The New School at West Heath a possibility?

Alternatively, if CAMHS are prepared to certify that she can't go to school for health reasons, you could ask the LA for home tuition.

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