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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

How can I deal with dd anger/ hitting

(18 Posts)
greener2 Tue 17-Feb-15 17:07:28

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senvet Tue 17-Feb-15 18:43:45

Can you remind me about what OT input you have had so far?

Also, has anyone tried anything like a traffic light system to measure feelings (or a smiley down to unsmiley face). I think the idea is to help dc gauge where they are on a 'stress-o-meter'- so when they are happy they spend some time touching the smiley, and as they start to feel stressed you encourage them to touch the less-smiley face (or orange light). You get the idea.

The folks here can probably tell you all sorts of things done to try to help dcs get on top of their meltdowns.

Don't feel hopeless - two of my relatives now self regulate and never have meltdowns. One who was diagnosed late still has the occasional meltdown, but definitely has a happy life.

ps my son does judo and no-one can hit him - just firm self defence

PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 19:12:24

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PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 19:26:22

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greener2 Tue 17-Feb-15 19:31:36

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greener2 Tue 17-Feb-15 19:33:40

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PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 19:37:14

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PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 19:38:56

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greener2 Tue 17-Feb-15 19:40:54

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PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 19:54:04

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Lookslikerain Tue 17-Feb-15 21:00:43

Hi greener. I wrote a very similar post to yours a week or two ago and received good advice from polter and senvet. My DS is just turned 5 and we are in quite a similar situation. You absolutely have my sympathy.

I haven't figured it all out by any means but thought I'd share a couple of things that have helped us in the last couple of weeks.

- hitting out is far more likely when tired, hungry, overstimulated. We can't always prevent it happening but I find it easier to justify his behaviour in my head if I keep this in mind. Also helps me stay calm when dealing with him to remember there's a reason he's struggling to control it.

- sometimes if he's just on the cusp of flipping out, I can distract him out of it. He might start with stamping his feet and moaning, so I'll stamp my feet back and copy him. I'll be smiling as I do it, maybe make a funny face. This only works if he's in the right mood and only if he hasn't entered 'red mist' territory, but it can be very effective. He forgets what the problem was and we have a laugh.

The hitting/shouting/screaming is a very new thing for us, and I'm pretty sure it's a developmental stage. Some days, something will set him off. The next day, the same thing happens, I brace myself for him hitting the nuclear button, and he just shrugs his shoulders and says 'oh dear'! I think it's part of his emotional development. Sometimes he has the capacity to cope with things well, other days not so much so reverts to 'plan b: meltdown'. If your DD knows afterwards that her behaviour was wrong, then maybe that's a sign that it's a developmental stage, and will hopefully improve?

Lastly, I have realised that there are a few things that he just absolutely can't cope with, and when they happen there is no way to distract/stop the meltdown/violence. For example, he loves playing with balloons, but when one eventually pops, he just can't cope. Think it's a mixture of the balloon breaking, the noise, and the fright he gets. Nothing can stop that particular one, and he immediately trys to hurt us.

It's maybe a bit ahead of him, but when we later talk about why he was hitting/screaming etc, I always try and put names to his emotions, eg angry, hurt etc. I'm hoping that eventually he'll be able to recognise the emotions before he gets too mad and will verbalise rather than hitting out. Well, that's the plan. I'm ever the optimist!

Hope something in there helps, even if it's just knowing you're not the only one. That certainly made me feel better when I posted the other week.

PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 21:11:55

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PolterGoose Tue 17-Feb-15 21:13:29

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senvet Wed 18-Feb-15 12:07:19

Poor girl sobbed after and then again tonight whilst eating her pancake looked up and said " I really am sorry for all the things I did earlier"

You have a dd with a very good heart which is a great asset and worth a thousand starts on the star chart.

But I really doubt that think these melt downs are her fault, and yet she is blaming herself and it is making her upset.

Polter is an utter star at researching things, and for my dcs I was at the other end of the response-scale with a quick to rush to an expert for advice.

But if you can get an indie sensory OT assessment it may be a revelation. The only one I know is in London but there must be others. There is an extra post grad qualification that OTs can do on sensory stuff, so look out for that if you are going this route.

I am still slapping myself on the wrist for failing to do as much research at Polter, but have never once regretted getting the experts in.

Good Luck

PolterGoose Wed 18-Feb-15 12:27:07

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senvet Wed 18-Feb-15 13:53:13

You are a legend polter

AliceinWinterWonderland Wed 18-Feb-15 14:32:17

I have this in my house as well, with both dcs. Ds1 breaks down after his meltdowns, crying and saying "I am a monster!" and other self-defeating comments, and it really concerns me. I'm currently trying to ease into the discussion of his SNs and how it makes him think and react differently sometimes, but I am trying to balance that out somewhat to avoid the whole idea that he can do what he wants and blame it on his SNs either. <sigh>

PolterGoose Wed 18-Feb-15 14:49:55

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