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dd wants to change schools

(5 Posts)
1805 Sat 17-Jan-15 17:50:27

dd age 9 has aspergers.
She finally told me last night how unhappy she is at school because she has no friends, and sits by herself at break times. I know she is not very popular, as it is hard to arrange play dates for her, and very few party invites come her way. The year group has 60 girls, and she just can't seem to find a friend. She has a few friends in our village, mostly who she has grown up with as I am friends with the mum is you see what I mean.

Last night, and today she has been saying she wants to go to a school where there are more people the same as her.

I am constantly being told by school that everything is good socially.

What do I do? How can I help her?

Ineedmorepatience Sat 17-Jan-15 18:59:24

Hi 1805 and welcome smile

Sorry to hear your Dd is struggling so much sad

Do her school run any social skills groups or similar?

What does she like doing?

Could the school set up a club that would draw in similar girls? That is a fairly large pool of girls, surely they can help her to find a friend!

Schools are often pretty crap at noticing when kids are struggling socially and emotionally unless the throw chairs or swear!

Is there anywhere else that might be more suitable?

Be kind to yourself you have come to the right place flowers

1805 Sat 17-Jan-15 20:05:28

she goes to drama club at school, which is her "thing".
She has a Learning Support teacher she sees for social help (she's doing ok with schoolwork, so they tend to just talk really. Thats fine by me.)

I don't really want to go through a school move as it could well be a case of out-of-the-frying-pan-int-the-fire. I think it is just girls being girls. It would probably be no different at any other school.

She just has to learn how to find her way through all the girl social stuff I guess.

I just feel so sad for her. It breaks my heart.

Ineedmorepatience Sat 17-Jan-15 21:25:28

I was going to say my auty girls are musical so Dd3 spends lots of time in the music area of school and Dd1 did the same. Dd1 had some lovely quirky friends at secondary and Dd3 has a friend who looks out for her.

Secondary can be kill or cure for Asd/Asperger kids. With good support and a few like minded friends it can work. Dd1 had no dx but she found a niche. There would be an even bigger pool of girls at secondary.

The girls social stuff is a nightmare! It is just so complex there are so many rules. A social skills group could help to teach some of those skills. Or the LST could teach her some scripted techniques for when she is in a group. Also watching some current films or reading the books that go with them can help girls to be able to contribute to the chit chat. Her interest in drama could help with that, she could learn "social lines" maybe!

School is really hard for our girls, I wish I could say it would be different somewhere else but unless you can find somewhere with a pool of quirky girls I think everywhere could be the same.

Give her loads of reassurance that its ok to be different and that she will find the right friend one day

Good luck flowers

senvet Sun 18-Jan-15 01:30:28

My relative started to want out of his primary school at a similar age. The speed and complexity of the body language sped up and he felt more and more remote.

Every child is different, but would it help to look at some other schools and see what they offer? Some have a system where ASD/Aspergers help out with younger kids with great success, and some where an older buddy is found to befriend and look after a younger girl which can be good for both.

Others have a larger contingent of kids with ASD and have a weekly small group where they learn social skill together which most SALTs say is a better way to learn than 1 to 1.

If there is nothing that seems to tick more boxes than the present school then it may still be possible to get them more interested in helping eg by getting SALT etc, but you may be well up on all of that

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