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At what point do you decide bad behaviour is something more?

(10 Posts)
tantruminator Mon 12-Jan-15 23:48:02

DS hasn't had the easiest start to life which I won't bore you with but he seemed a really happy relaxed baby and very easy, and I'm now experiencing some behaviours which really trouble me

But at what stage do you draw the line and consider you may need some intervention?

DS is having major tantrums (I have my own opinions to why these are happening but I could be wrong) but once he gets started it is likely it will last an hour or more and he will not accept any human interaction or soothing... Although something like cars the movie he will calm to, but sometimes starts up again even if calmed watching it when you then try to interact with him

He used to headbang a lot but somehow I did manage to teach him to clap instead of headbanging when cross, but recently he's done some headbanging again

He's met all his milestones and has a good vocabulary etc, but then I'd also displaying something I can't quite put my finger on that doesn't seem quite 'right' emotionally.

I appreciate terrible 2's happen (he's 2.3) but the tantrums are on par with the meltdowns of an autistic child I know, and I'm concerned there isn't quite the bond there should be with me, as if I'm perhaps useful to him but not particularly special in the way that other kids find their mummys??? But then he can be really affectionate towards a kid he barely knows etc, ran to the aid of a kid who he had just met who came off their bike to help them and ask if they were ok...

tantruminator Tue 13-Jan-15 00:00:57

Sorry I have used a really rubbish title for this post. I didn't think it through I wish I had substitute the word difficult instead of putting bad behaviour as in fairness it's not that his behaviour is bad that much, just that something seems "off" and overly trying

PolterGoose Tue 13-Jan-15 08:53:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolterGoose Tue 13-Jan-15 08:55:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tantruminator Tue 13-Jan-15 12:20:36

Thanks that's really helpful

I did do the M-CHAT and he scored really low so perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree?... Although the thread was interesting about the smug mummy thing as I think that's been me to a T


I can't quite see myself how I will get them to listen to my concerns. Gosh I wish supernanny (or similar) could come and point out what's happening by being a fly on the wall for us!

ouryve Tue 13-Jan-15 18:45:05

Agree with the suggestion to implement a textbook behaviour strategy. 123 magic was a no hoper for DS1 because he thought it was hilarious and just kept counting and time out only had a limited effect, when he needed removing from a situation in order to stop feeding off it - and we did it for about 1/3 of the recommended time because that's all he could handle without it turning into a battle, as his attention span was so short. I ended up adapting Love and Logic to be age appropriate for him - looking back, I worked out how to deal with PDA without even knowing it existed!

Having tried/done all that, though, I was able to point out at assessments that we could deal with his behaviour and sometime head it off before it needed dealing with, it's just that, despite all that, there was still an awful lot of it to have to deal with.

Lifejustis Tue 13-Jan-15 20:25:42

I had concerns about my DS (almost 3) for a long time prior to anyone taking me seriously. It was only after a private diagnosis of ASD that HV & GP became really supportive.

Take a list of your concerns, diary and videos when you see your GP or HV. I hope they take your concerns seriously.

senvet Tue 13-Jan-15 21:38:17

I agree. Tine to seek help

I heard of a kid recently who had a tricky start in life and had two kinds of behaviour issues in school (neither of which wng up' tpre her fault nor her mother's)
1) clearly cheeky, 'playing up' type behaviour where she would be upset by a kid being mean to her, and then lash out at the kid later the same day
2) reaction type behaviour where her senses were overloaded or her key comforting item was removed. This was an instant reaction which would involve screaming and bolting.

The EP put the first type down to the tricky start in life (attachment issues) and the second if pretty familiar to parents of kids diagnosed with ASD.

I am hoping this is helping

senvet Tue 13-Jan-15 22:08:02

(neither of which were her fault, nor her mother's)
Don't know what happened there!

tantruminator Tue 13-Jan-15 22:11:40

I just don't know. Part of me thinks perhaps I am just handling him crap... I have enrolled myself on a parenting course which is run by CAMHS so hopefully when I do that whoever takes it will be able to spot if it's simply reactive behaviour and that we need to really address the bond between us, or if it's something that warrants a diagnosis and some intervention

I used to be able to contain him (safely in his cot) with tantrums and distract with a movie (rather than getting injured myself or him injuring himself I know it sounds bloody awful but it's what worked when nothing else did) but he views his cot as a place to go for being naughty now which is making bedtime impossible plus he's too old really

So we tried time out... He has now decided he likes time out though and requests to go to time out, for instance today he took himself and sat quietly and i asked him what he's doing and he rolled his eyes and reeled off something very monotone (not his usual voice) like "I been screaming all day, and mummys ears hurting and daddy's ears hurting and was screaming all day at crèche too, and i wee weed trousers, then put them in wash, then screaming all day..." And it sounds like a tired old grandad reeling off complaints about a naughty child. It breaks my heart but he's copying things iv said on other occasions... Only this time that he's taken himself off to time out and sitting there... None of that had happened... He'd been behaving like an angel reading a book with me so not even like he was overloaded and looking for some peace and quiet

I suppose the tantrum didn't happen though

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