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Please help me work out a strategy I don't know how to handle the shouting(11 Posts)
Oh greener that sounds tough.
When my DS was younger (he is 11 now) I found it really tough to know how to manage his meltdowns. Percieved unfairness, tiredness and hunger were big triggers. I gradually changed tactic. I worked on giving him what he wanted. Full stop. I realised I was expecting him to behave in a neurotypical way and he just couldn't.
I introduced family ground rules that we created together. We created routine and consistantcy. I tried to write down all the other triggers too - change, homework etc and see if I could make them easier in any way for him. I gave up all the battles except the family ground rules.
I realised that we had all become a bit shouty. That had become the norm so gradually over time we worked on reducing the volume and as we talked more quietly, so did my DS.
There were some physical things that helped - giving him time on his own when he was overwhelmed. Introducing deep pressure through the use of weighted blankets that soothed him when he was stressed. Allowing him to use special plates, spooons etc if he wanted them.
It has gradually improved over time. Part of that is my DSs insight as he matures but part of it is that we work to give him what he needs.
When my DS was that age, he only had four strategies for getting what he wanted – scream and scream louder, kick and kick harder. It was very wearing! DS found it hard to express his wishes so by the time I even knew what he wanted he was already boiling over with frustration and he just couldn’t bear to hear a “no”. Once he got into a state reasoning with him didn’t do any good, nor did hugs, and all I could do was leave him alone to calm himself down. To be honest there is no harm in doing everything “her way” whenever possible. I did that for my DS for a long time and it was helpful. Other things that helped were using plenty of routine and telling him what was going to happen in advance and even using a little picture timetable, so he had time to adjust to the idea. He couldn’t cope with things that were (to him) unexpected. He found a lot of odd things stressful, for instance he couldn’t cope with choosing from too many options, so often I’d say “you can have this or that” and then he’d be OK. Not sure if those ideas would help you, every child is different, but just to let you know you’re not alone!
I found the advice in The Explosive Child very helpful. It doesn’t rely on a specific diagnosis.
Sympathies. My son has ASD and shouts so much too, mainly when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm only just begining to look into what we can do about this. It's good to know we're not alone.
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