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those of you with chidlren with ASD, do they struggle with visitors to your home?

(17 Posts)
meglet Wed 24-Dec-14 15:33:24

6yo DD goes to pieces and lashes out when people come over. My stepmum just popped round for an hour and DD spent that hour making high pitched screeching, trying to kick and hit me, flinging stuff across the room and shouting to interupt conversation. It was exhausting and I was trying to hold a conversation with my stepmum while soothe and tell off DD sad.

Background; according to the paed, DD doesn't have ASD it's my bad parenting so I won't get any help <<sigh>>. She is perfect at school and top of the class, she lashes out at me at school collection time.

She was just spectacularly hard work just now, I'm dreading xmas at my mums house. I can't suss out whether it is attention seeking, although she wouldn't answer my stepmum or interact with her. DD is now flopped on the sofa watching TV confused.

If I don't return for a bit it's because I am in ancient tech hell, phone doesn't like MN mobile very much and the laptop power cable is on it's last legs.

fairgame Wed 24-Dec-14 16:05:32

Yes DS can be a bit funny over visitors. He has been known to hold himself against the door to stop people coming in. If he knows somebody is coming then he can be fine and if its somebody he knows then he can be ok as well. However if somebody comes when he is watching a programme then he gets really angry if they talk and it disturbs his viewing.
DS is gets very distressed at family gatherings though. We don't have a big family but unfortunately we have a loud family. My uncle was cursed with a gob similar to a foghorn. DS often takes himself out at regular intervals and will go and sit in the car for a bit before coming back in.
It's all about routine and preparation. Make sure they know if you are expecting a visitor, give them the option to go to another room if it's too much. If someone comes when DS is watching a programme then he goes up to my room to watch it instead. It might be helpful to give her a visual plan of the day e.g. get dressed, open presents, play, eat dinner etc etc.
There is a website that lets you download free visuals for xmas but i can't remember which one it is.

adrianna22 Wed 24-Dec-14 16:43:54

DS has ASD- but no he doesn't get upset when people come over, in fact he gets a bit too excited at times.

But I know this is an issue with a few parents who have kids with ASD.

PolterGoose Wed 24-Dec-14 18:48:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meglet Wed 24-Dec-14 19:27:39

fairgame next time I think I'll send her upstairs to watch TV then. DS was happily playing in the garden, but she wouldn't join him.

God it was hard work. She's been uncontrollable lately. I'm getting used to being hit and bitten. I think I'll be taking refuge on the SN and LP boards over the xmas hols.

fairgame Wed 24-Dec-14 19:37:08

It might just be that she's struggling with xmas because of the excitement and things being a bit different. It gets better as they get older and learn to cope with more change. DS was completely unmanageable between the ages of 4 and 7 but the last 3 years it has got better. I realise what triggers him so i can prevent a meltdown and now he also realises some of his own triggers.
He has just taken himself up to bed because he is getting really anxious about Santa coming and being in bed one time. He's already had a bath to try and relax and he will probably lay in the dark to keep calm. Completely different from last xmas eve where he had a massive meltdown and threw juice all over the dining room!

PolterGoose Wed 24-Dec-14 20:03:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocismydrug Wed 24-Dec-14 20:28:36

Dd is fine with adults visiting but struggles with children. she is terrified they could touch/play/mess with her toys.

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:36

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:41

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:41

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:41

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:41

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:41

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

reader108 Wed 24-Dec-14 21:42:43

He used to refuse to let friends in unless it was planned, and written on he calendar in the kitchen. I can remember many conversations through the door. I had to write names, and how long people were staying on the calendar then all fine! Usual odd argument over toys but at least people were allowed in!
I remember one summer 2 years ago he had to do it all himself find out how long, write it in, then allowed in TOOK AGES. Actually only just thought he doesn't do it any more but couldn't tell you when he stopped. Know I started it off he was getting very stressed, and insistent one day I said just write them in then!

Ineedmorepatience Thu 25-Dec-14 10:47:00

We are all abit like that in my house, we all sit looking at each other if the door bell rings!!

As someone else said Dd3 isnt too bad with adult visitors but not children because they want to touch her stuff. We dont allow visiting children into her room.

She had a visiting Aspie friend the other day and they sat next to each other on the sofa texting each other grin

Be kind to yourself meglet flowers

Strongecoffeeismydrug Thu 25-Dec-14 22:17:29

Dis is fine with strangers visiting the house but hates people he knows coming here.
My mum belongs at her house not ours.
The next door neighbour is told to go home if he dare call and under no circumstances must anyone from school call as he hates school so won't mix school/home at all.
Strangers (midwifes when I had his sister ,health visitor ect) see a lovely quiet boy engrossed at his computer but being polite!

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