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what to do now ??

(7 Posts)
millimoohoo Sat 13-Dec-14 14:20:56

Hello, I have a wonderful 11 year old boy who has a diagnosis of aspergers and finds school extremely difficult. I wont go into detail but the schools provision for SEN has been woeful and i have been in constant dialogue with them since year 2 (he's now in yr 6). Things havent improved and in fact have worsened for him over the last 4 years. He has only had a statement since September 2014 and has only received 1-1 since October, however i dont believe the TA is the right person for the job (he was third choice as the 1st TA didnt take up the job and the 2nd TA quit after one week!). After having a week where my son wasn't allowed to participate in swimming, sax lesson, 2 after school clubs and denied a place on the rugby team (despite being v good) due to his 'poor behaviour' I had enough and took him out of school.

After many conversations with the SEN team and various other agencies, i went to view a specialist school which i thought was exactly what he needs, small classess, knowledgable teachers, calm environment etc... i found out yesterday that the school will not be able to take him as there are children already in the pipeline and there arent enough places, we are so disappointed. The SEN team advise that the best thing to do is to sit around the table with his current school and form a plan to meet his needs. My problem with this is that I have had so many meetings with the school that i have lost any faith i had, my trust is non existent and i feel the relationship has totally broken down. My dilema is my son is very very resistant to moving to any other mainstream school. He feels his 'meltdowns' are humiliating (his words) and he doesnt want to embarrass himself in front of children he doesnt know. I totally understand his feelings especially as he finds friendships very difficult and he has a few children he has a bond with at his current school (this is why i have never moved him despite wanting to). I have been home schooling him for the last month which has been ok but is not feasible going forward. I dont know if i should go against his wishes and move him to another school,(my feeling is that things would improve for him) or to persevere with his current school. Any advice gratefully received. Thanks

PolterGoose Sat 13-Dec-14 15:28:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairgame Sat 13-Dec-14 15:42:57

Are there any other specialist schools around that have places? Could you look a bit further afield? DS is in yr5 and travels 45 miles away to his specialist school and it's definitely worth it.

I agree with polter about HE until secondary if there is nowhere else. It might be too much to move your son now and then move him again in september.

OneInEight Sat 13-Dec-14 16:59:35

ds1 and ds2 also cope (well just about) with travelling over 30 miles to their specialist schools so might be worth widening your search area. They also take school from junior age up until the end of secondary so there is not really two transitions to worry about. One of the first benefits ds1 found when moving to a special school was that everyone had meltdowns and hence the worry about having one decreased which in turn decreased the likelihood he would have one. Infact he has not had one at school for over a year now.

We moved ds2 in Year 6 to an ARP unit which did not go well perhaps because he knew he was only going to be there for such a short time - the one benefit was that it got us enough evidence for the LEA to fund a specialist school for secondary and infact he moved there for the last term of Year 6. It has taken a while for him to settle down but he is definetly now doing much better than he was in mainstream.

millimoohoo Sun 14-Dec-14 23:16:55

Thanks for all your advice, I am looking into other specialist schools but the wheels turn very slowly to make this happen. I would love to home ed my son until September but I just don't have the financé, I am a single parent, a fulltime student but currently receiving job seekers allowance and having to blag the jobcentre every 2 wks !. I'm not sure if I could qualify for personal payments under the EHC.. something else for me to look in to. I thought it was really interesting Poltergoose that your Ds didn't present with the same issues in secondary. I've thought that my DS would do much better in secondary but this suggestion in meetings with the school has met with the professionals glancing at each other with 'what the hell does she know' , and I been informed that he would struggle in a much bigger school and primary is much more nurturing..pah! Our mainstream secondary has already stated that they could not meet Ds's needs but I am aware I could push for his place. It's all so confusing sometimes and I question my judgement all the time. Thanks again.

bedelia Mon 15-Dec-14 09:53:11

millimoohoo sorry I'm no expert on your issues, though I was wondering if you could apply for DLA for your son then transfer from JSA to Carer's allowance to help you financially? I realise you're a student, but if you still qualify for JSA with your hours, surely you'd be able to claim carer's too? Hopefully someone with more knowledge about this than me will be able to give better advice =)

millimoohoo Mon 15-Dec-14 22:27:46

Thanks bedelia I will look into DLA smile

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