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LA asking someone for my DS's views

(26 Posts)
sweetteamum Wed 10-Dec-14 07:25:49

DS is currently home tutored (by LA) as he didn't manage the whole high school transition thing.

Had emergency Annual Review last month. However as we've asked for specialist placement they appear to be stalling for some reason.

Anyway, yesterday I received a call from someone who previously assessed DS (and saw few issues), initially saying she'd been asked by LA to assess him again. During the conversation this changed to getting DS's views. I was told I could wait in the waiting room or go into our local town, rather than sitting in on this 'thing'

I've no doubt DD will say the easiest things and what they want to hear, just so they'll be able to use it against me.

What do I do? Should I pre warn them that he's not usually one for talking about his feelings and sometimes doesn't relate to them himself.

Help, I'm worried

BigBird69 Wed 10-Dec-14 08:49:40

I would phone your parent partnership (or ipsea) for advice on this. I am not sure why they are saying you shouldn't be there and personally I wouldn't feel happy with that.

Ohmygrood Wed 10-Dec-14 08:52:52

Why can't you give ds's views? I wouldn't be happy with that either.

NoRunAround Wed 10-Dec-14 09:53:05

It is so infuriating when professionals do this. Have a read of Case 14 from Ipsea's asset libraries:

Ipsea Case 14

streakybacon Wed 10-Dec-14 10:52:16

If they're reassessing they'll be using the EHCP format, which includes the child's views and their aspirations, what they see as problem areas, where they want help etc. If that's the case, you'll get your opportunity to submit parent views as well, and there should be a Person Centred Planning meeting to include everyone who's involved with your son, including him and you. I found it a useful way to make sure everyone fully understood the issues and they weren't making stereotypical assumptions, but I still had to keep nagging them to bear in mind what we'd discussed.

zen1 Wed 10-Dec-14 11:12:39

I would make sure you have an impartial person in the meeting to take detailed notes of everything that is said. I have heard of cases where the LA use very leading questions to determine the 'views' of children/young people. As you say, often DC will say the easiest things as they have little insight and are open to manipulation. Also, if you have any written evidence that your child may not able to accurately express their views or that they change their views depending on who is talking to them, it may help.

sweetteamum Wed 10-Dec-14 16:27:50

I really don't have any issues with them taking his views. I just know how things can be worded to make the answer one they want to hear.

This isn't for an EHCP and he's not being transferred over to that yet. This has all been since Annual Review and him being out of school, from the info they've currently said.

I do have an advocate who has said I'm entitled to go in with him. And suggested, beforehand, that I will not interfere but if I find anything to complain about that I'll say it in another phone call.

The problem with getting his views are:

He hates his differences so says what he wants, rather than how things are

He will be led by the person in charge as that's the way he is with new people

He is not self aware and rarely recognises his emotions, so I'm not even sure he'll understand many of his feelings.

Eeeek!

streakybacon Wed 10-Dec-14 17:04:28

IMO you need to get all of that written down and shared so that it's known he won't give an accurate reflection of his views. They can't possibly meet his needs if they are relying on him to tell what they are. I expect input from others involved, and you too, will balance it out.

sweetteamum Wed 10-Dec-14 19:32:54

Think that's something I'll get done tomorrow.

The last thing I want to do is hinder them getting any views but his home tutor will certainly have something to say as she's baring the brunt of certsin situations

sweetteamum Wed 17-Dec-14 13:38:16

Well as this draws closer I'm getting more worried. In the itinerary she's sent for me, it says "mum will come to collect you at......" So how do I say I'll be staying while this is done. I'm not very assertive.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 17-Dec-14 13:45:28

Just say it, take a deep breath and say "I am staying", once you have done it once it gets easier smile

Good luck flowers

sweetteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 09:38:42

I'm practising blush

sweetteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 09:39:04

Plus, it's in my house too.

streakybacon Thu 18-Dec-14 10:32:45

Good luck!

zzzzz Thu 18-Dec-14 11:08:24

You just say you aren't happy for him to be interviewed alone and you will be staying. Ask if they would mind you taping the session.

zzzzz Thu 18-Dec-14 11:09:31

Nb I don't let anyone question my children alone. It's innapropriate especially when talking about their anxiety.

sweetteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 16:46:16

I don't think he'll give a very good insight to what he wants anyway tbh. I realise they need to do it but how can they get a genuine view when they send a stranger to take views. This is when DS is more likely to confirm and say what they want to hear.

zzzzz Thu 18-Dec-14 16:54:27

I don't realise why they have to do it AT ALL. You are the parent. You call the shots. If you wanted to teach him only about baking and Vikings you could. What is the point of the interview?

sweetteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 19:40:58

Me neither.

It's because he's not coped in mainstream with full time ta and has been out of school. We're asking for specialist but it will have to be independent. As maintained can't meet his needs.

Anyone would think we love having two children with additional needs in specialist schools.

It's well known that DS does not like to be different to others and wants to be in mainstream. I believe they're going to use that to their advantage.

zzzzz Thu 18-Dec-14 19:49:05

Regardless, you are the parent. You decide, not ds. What he "likes" or doesn't "like" is nothing to do with what form his education should take. shock

sweetteamum Thu 18-Dec-14 21:06:19

That's what I have every intention of telling them tbh.

They wouldn't expect me to let him choose all the big decisions in life. So why will they go off just his word for this.

Tbh I don't see how they can suggest anything other than what we're asking for. As he's already tried. And failed sad

MostHighlyFlavouredLady Thu 18-Dec-14 23:14:21

Just take his views yourself and submit them telling them the job is done. His views are HIS and not for fighting over.

In the document say that he is quite clear he on,y want to talk to you about them and that too is HIS view (if it is of course).

sweetteamum Fri 19-Dec-14 09:47:07

He's not very open to talking. I'm the only one he talks to when he's sad etc but I have no idea on what to ask him.

Any ideas on what I can ask are greatly appreciated.

MostHighlyFlavouredLady Fri 19-Dec-14 16:50:03

He doesn't have to talk. He can draw, or stamp a smiley face or sad face next to questions, or rate out of 10 a few of your suggestions starting with non-education things to get a baseline and him to practise.

You could sort words or ideas into three boxes. Good, rubbish and don't care then take a picture and submit that.

MostHighlyFlavouredLady Fri 19-Dec-14 16:53:01

Questions like 'what was the best thing about school?' and answers like 'gave no answer' are okay, as is 'what do you like best to learn at home?' Followed by 'this is stupid' is also okay.

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