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How to cope with dd calling herself stupid etc after meltdowns etc(17 Posts)
We did a positive diary with Dd1 before bed every day for a long time in an attempt to break the spiral of negativitiy that we were all in at the time. She was very hard work probably aspergers and ADHD or maybe PDA but undiagnosed. It is very hard when you are sure there is an issue but nobody supports your feelings.
I was at an autism conference recently and they talked about negative feelings always feeling bigger than positive ones. There was a great diagram explaining it like a see saw and how the negative feelings weigh people down. So we as parents have to build up positive experiences and feelings so that there are many more of them than the negative ones, then when the negative ones come along they dont tip the see saw!!
I dont know if I have explained it very well but hope it might help a tiny bit
We also found that if Dd1 and Dd3 go to bed in a positve frame of mind they are more likely to get up in a positive frame of mind.
Dd3 also has problems sleeping in she is feeling negative and then she gets over tired which makes everything worse!
I can relate to this too as I have a DS much the same. He is very much a "glass half empty" sort of person and if something goes wrong in the day that is all he can remember, and it then becomes "the worst day ever".
I tried all sorts of strategies - asking him on pick up from school to tell me three things that had made him happy that day; his SLT suggested a "proud diary" to be filled in daily with something that had made him feel proud. These didn't really work and the diary became a chore "I can't think of anything- nothing made me proud today" and he didn't want to talk in the car on the way home sometimes.
What we now have is his "happy diary" where we write in something that made him happy that day. Sometimes it is very small, like having a sweet on the way home, sometimes he recalls several more major things that made him feel happy. I do the writing (writing is not his thing and makes him stressed), but use his words. Now that he is into the swing of it, it is easy to do and really does seem to have lifted his spirits and self esteem.
We also have continued with a "proud book", but to be filled in as and when he feels proud about something he has done or achieved - not daily.
We have the same problem and have tried various things without much success: "good news book" which school were meant to write in and send home (but never seemed to bother so it was depressingly empty ); "happiness chart" where DS says one thing that has made him feel happy every day, and gets a small prize at the end of the week (which he can't fail to "win", whatever he says "counts" iyswim); and a "scale of disasters" chart which DS and I made together with different sized animals.
He engages with it all when he's calm and happy, but just can't seem to remember/connect with/acknowledge the positive stuff when he's in a negative mood.
Anyone tried the book "what to do when you grumble too much" for this kind of thing? We've done the worry and temper ones with some success; just wondering if the negativity one might be worth a try.
Polter - just wanted to thank you for that idea. It's really helping me (already!) with DS - he actually came out of school and said something positive unprompted yesterday!
Your seeds analogy is great. I've been really worried about Xmas as he had a dreadful time last year but so far he seems to be coping a lot better with all the excitement/lack of routine etc. This is another tool to add to my positivity arsenal
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