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School won't do anything to support without dx, what can do from home? Help please

(13 Posts)
bbkl Fri 21-Nov-14 12:07:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Fri 21-Nov-14 16:39:17

It is just so wrong bbkl!! They should listen to parents!! And they should support need not diagnosis!

I have been through all this with 2 primary schools and it was a nightmare! I dont envy you sad

2boysnamedR Fri 21-Nov-14 17:23:44

Just keep on making sure you do your paper trail to. Gather your evidence as you might need it later.

Start with the email "thanks for our meeting on xyz informing me that you can not do anything without a dx and can not implement my suggestions of xyz.'"

Then one day they can say " you never told us, we never said that" because they will.

They sound so useless. Support is needs driven, not dx driven. Hopefully someone can direct you to a direct quote you can " educate" them with.

Ds has a few dx's, yet they dispute them. It's hard to fight, pick your battles but remember, never give up.

Stick around here you will learn so much from so many parents who have been where you are and got through it

OneInEight Sat 22-Nov-14 08:42:38

I think this attitude stinks and I would be looking at other options to be honest.

Regardless of any diagnosis your dds' mental health is clearly suffering and school should be acknowledging and helping her through this. Does the school have a pastoral support worker - have they got involved. I think you should begin keeping a diary of any incidents at home and try and work out a pattern. Sunday night for us can be particularly bad for instance as ds2 starts to worry about going back to school. It might be that there is a lesson or teacher that is causing particular issues. We worked out doing this that certain types of Literacy tasks were causing ds2 big problems that we hadn't realised looking at incidents in isolation.

It is also worth implementing ASD strategies at home if you can e.g. give advance warning of changes and fix weekend activities in advance. Anything really to reduce anxiety. We also try and reduce demands when we know the ds's are likely to be stressed. Doesn't always works but helps a bit.

Mollyweasley Sat 22-Nov-14 10:23:40

I agree with the others. You should have more help from school. I can't remember if you are speaking with senco? I think all the ideas above are really good and would probably add to give her lots of downtime ( I.e non social contact). If her downtime means lots of screen time then, Be it! I don't think there is any miracle strategies but every little helps...

juicysatsuma Sat 22-Nov-14 13:18:09

I would be considering more supportive,understanding schools. As they are being so unsupportive already don't expect a lot to change in the future sad
Your school sounds very much like ds's former school. They also wouldn't do anything until he had a dx despite glaringly obvious indicators of ASD. They said they would do so much more once they were aware of a dx hmm. When he finally did get a dx they still failed to put in place the correct support and strategies - they just didn't want him there. They were subsequently found to have committed multiple acts of disability discrimination against ds.

bbkl Sat 22-Nov-14 15:12:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolterGoose Sat 22-Nov-14 15:50:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mollyweasley Sat 22-Nov-14 19:12:06

I have 2 younger dc one off them with AS, and a Very anxious DD in year 7, who can refuse to go to school sometimes because she is scared. Tbh you can only do your best, it is very hard to attend to everybody's needs. Some days are good and some days...well thank goodness for mumsnet! You seem to be doing your very best and that is all you can do. I think the fact that you have strategies in place at home (routine and downtime) and she is still anxious means that school need to pull their weight and it does not have to be complicated. Dd new school have been unbelievably caring and individual teachers are sending e-mail of encouragement and congratulations to let her know that she is doing well + increased hard rewards ( as she doesn't always get verbal rewards).It makes a huge difference to her and to me as I know that she is cared for at school. Keep going and look after yourself.

bbkl Sat 22-Nov-14 20:34:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 23-Nov-14 16:46:51

You are right bbkl it is what prevents school staff from taking action.

Beware though, if your Dd is anxious she wont be able to learn effectivly. We have just found out that Dd3 has made no academic progress since yr 4 but because she still managed to achieve the national average in her sats no body cared enough to support her properly sad

bbkl Sun 23-Nov-14 20:11:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 23-Nov-14 21:05:07

She is happier since being away from her primary school thankyou.

We are still trying to get a statement for her and off going back to tribunal soon.

Secondary school is suiting her better than I could ever have imagined at the moment but so far nothing has rocked her boat so we will see.

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