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ds diagnosed with asd now mum doesnt want to believe it and hes getting difficult

(8 Posts)
frankiebuns Fri 21-Nov-14 08:38:31

Ds 4 is a lovely boy quirky unique individual who I wouldn't change for the world he was diagnosed asd 2 weeks ago which I kind of knew was going to happen. He refuses to talk to any adults outside his immediate family which is causing problems with school in he won't ask to go to the loo or answer questions etc he is highly intelligent and now home is getting difficult he won't get dressed for school or go to the loo until he's done something else and keeps putting it off until he's wet himself or we are running late! I suggested flash cards for school to help but my mum has said there is nothing wrong he's individual and just being 4. She's said she doesn't want me to tell his friends mums etc or anything help

2boysnamedR Fri 21-Nov-14 08:56:19

Firstly hugs as getting any dx is hard. However much you knew it already, having it confirmed is hard.

Secondly, your mum is on her path of grief. On the different stages you in acceptance but she's stuck on denial.

This is where my in laws are. They will be forever in denial! Despite genetics and a tribunal we have got it wrong!

I got mixed up with a genetic duplication and a deficiency ( despite a top London geneticist hospital and my biology degree). Not sure what kings of deficency they think - iron maybe? hmm

As the song says, let it go. You need your energy for you and ds. Don't waste to much tears on her. It's so hard I know. My family need to know as this for us has a gene, I told them, it's up to them now

She will see for herself - one day

frankiebuns Fri 21-Nov-14 09:26:44

Thank you I think I'm coming to terms with it now slowly he was at a car boot on Sunday and decided to line up all the collectable cars on this stall the guy went nuts and asked him to put them back and I apologised and said he has autism out loud for the first time it hurt felt weird and felt like I was being judged I'm a young mum with dp who is younger than me and we have a dd who's 14 weeks we get judged in any case but dp is a chief prison officer and earns great money and we support ourselves but if, I take the kids on the bus I always get looks of dissaprovment and such a shame so young

2boysnamedR Fri 21-Nov-14 09:31:05

What ever you do you will be judged. I have four kids so imagine the comments I get! I also work so as I long as I know I'm pretty amazing, the rest can go jump...

salondon Sat 22-Nov-14 06:05:30

People will always judge you. I have grown a very thick skin for that kind of stuff

Greenbootsbell Sat 22-Nov-14 10:47:11

Have been through this with family
Agree with 2 boys - she's stuck on a different page in the coming to terms process. She will get there in her own time. Not that it is particularly helpful for you right now when you could do with her support.

I think adapting what you do so that you go places where it's less judgy can help. So car boot sale wasn't the most supportive place but maybe somewhere else would be. I have found for example various staff in various shops & restaurants have been really accommodating as we have got to know them over time.

Having kids young is a good way to do it. (I'm old and wish I'd had my kids earlier in life!) Anyone who doesn't see that is not very sensible IMO.

It sounds like he struggles with transitions - stopping one activity and moving to the next. This has got better with time for us. And school have used picture cards to help him learn this skill. Think there is info on nas website but I'm sure you could ring them for advice.

youarewinning Sat 22-Nov-14 11:10:01

I agree she's stuck on denial. Carry in doing what you are doing and continue doing it when she's there. Eventually she'll realise your way of doing things and hopefully accept 'why'.

As for lining things up. Take him to aldi.
My DS organised all the advent calendars the other day so the identical ones matched. There was a queue for once! The manager came over and personally thanked DS. Altho DS just looked at him like he was mad - I mean they 'should' be in order so why is what he did a thankful task eh?!

frankiebuns Sat 22-Nov-14 19:19:26

My son loves going in supermarkets to tidy up he even loves cleaning when he gets frustrated he grabs a cleaning cloth and gets going!

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