Sad and anxious DD

[catclarks]

I’m really struggling with my 11 year old DD. She has been at CAMHS for the last year and a half for anxiety, and she had come on leaps on and bounds. In that time we have had to change schools due to bullying, in the hope that she would enjoy her last year at primary school without having to look over her shoulder. Initially things were great, but over the last few weeks her anxiety and frustration has ramped up again which generally manifests itself through anger. She is currently being assessed for Aspergers after being referred on by CAMHS, and I will be very surprised if she doesn’t come away with a diagnosis.

In the meantime, I have a wee girl who is very down on herself, and regularly tells me she wants to die which is desperately hard to hear. She is struggling with the fact she doesn’t have a reason for her anger and frustrations so I’m hoping she will be able to rationalise it a bit more if a diagnosis does come through.

Not sure what I want from this post. Think I just want someone to say ‘There, there. It will be alright’ Hopefully we’ll get there, but right now the light at the end of the tunnel seems very far away.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Hi cat and welcome to the board

I have a Dd with Asd/Aspergers. She really struggled at primary school. She has recently moved to secondary which we were dreading but it has actually mainly been positive.

Getting a diagnosis could potentially really help your Dd because it could help her to understand why she is different and to begin to accept that it is ok to be different.

If there are days when she cant cope with school I would keep her off, you need to protect her MH as best you can. If she needs time to recover after trips and busy times or even skip them altogether just do it.

I would try to be led by her and begin to learn together what she can cope with and what she cant.

Good luck and keep coming on here for support, it really is the best place

[OneInEight]

My ds's also have a lot of school-related anxiety and depression.

Your daughter has done really well to cope with a late primary school move and to be able to access the support that CAMHS can offer which bodes well for the future. ds2, for comparison, was too anxious to talk or even stay in the same room as the psychiatrist and a school move at a similar age was pretty much a total failure.

Teachers can put a lot of pressure on in Year 6 for SATS and there is also the unknown quantity of secondary school next year so it is really not surprising that her anxiety levels have gone up. As dh says ds1 can cope with change but uncertainty sends his stress levels sky high.

I think you need to work as closely as you can with school to try and get her through the year. Is she a masker at school or are they aware of her problems. A meeting with the class-teacher and SENCO might help to put some strategies in place. I would also do as Ineed suggests and keep her at home when things are happening that she finds stressful.

Most of all do your research carefully for secondary schools, arrange to meet the SENCO's and ask what provision they can put in place and ignore the Ofsted reports! My two have ended up in specialist schools but there are some secondary schools out there that provide good support.

[catclarks]

Thank you Ineed and OneInEight. It's nice to hear from people in similar circumstances . DD has coped well with the school move. She actually thrives on new experiences. It's only when she has been in a situation a while the doubts and insecurities set in, which is a huge problem when it comes to friendships. The school she has moved to are aware of what is going on, and are being very helpful. We're in Scotland, so don't have the pressure of any SATs this year and the school are a bit more focused on fun than the previous school. We're fortunate that the high school is excellent for support, and I think (and hope) she will enjoy the set up. She finds it too much being in the class all day, so moving around through the day should suit.

I'll definitely take on board your suggestions to keep her off school when things are too much. We are trying our hardest to keep things calm at home, it doesn't take much to light the touch paper though. Hopefully the diagnosis will come through soon and we can put some more positive steps in place.

[catclarks]

It's so hard isn't it bbkl? I never thought I would ever have to sit and listen to my daughter tell me in a very calm voice that she wants to die. Fortunately she's decided in the last few weeks to talk and not bottle it all up. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she's talking but I'm like a rabbit in the headlights by the time she goes to bed!!!

I hope you get a diagnosis soon and things start to improve for your DD.