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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

stressed and struggling to cope. counselling?

15 replies

choc0clock · 05/11/2014 13:37

having a bit of a tough time and struggling: Dd1 with severe asd and LDs. Dd2 (a highly stung toddler), working all week, a combined 20 school and nursery runs. no family in the Uk, DP working long hours (I am very much a lone parent Mon-Fri), household, being mad redundant and job hunting right now.
I feel like I am losing the plot. I have no practical support, no respite (tried but failed).
Went to GP who wanted to sign me off for a month (which I cannot do - would only get SSP).
He then suggested counselling. I don't know. is there any point? after all it would not really help me in a practical way with work and kids and I would probably have to take the kids along as I have nobody to look after them.

anBody tried counselling and was there any benefit?

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Runningtokeepstill · 05/11/2014 14:04

Possibly worth trying. Not quite same situation (terminally ill husband and 3 teens one with chronic pain syndrome and out of school), but for me it was good to have a 50 minute period a week when I could rant, laugh, cry, be in despair without anyone trying to "sort it out" for me. None of the well meaning but totally frustrating " have you tried this....?" and no-one trying to "fix" my emotions by trying to make me feel "better". I could just let it out, and it helped me to be able to go back and carry on. But - and it's really a big BUT..- I didn't need childcare.

I cannot imagine it would work if you took the children along as they would be wanting you to meet their needs at a time which should be devoted to you. If there is any chance at all that you can find someone to look after them, then personally I would consider it.

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autumnsmum · 05/11/2014 14:40

I had it as I have to Dcs on the spectrum and a dp with severe depression . It was lovely to have someone to chat to but as you mention it didn't make dd2 sleep or change her brjaviour

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choc0clock · 05/11/2014 15:09

that is the thing autumn. I need practical help really as the status quo is not healthy to maintain any longer. and then I think of councelling as yet another commitment/appointment I cannot really fit into my schedule :-/

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autumnsmum · 05/11/2014 15:11

I do empathise choc !

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choc0clock · 05/11/2014 15:40

thanks sometimes it just helps as much do have a moan on MNSN.

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2boysnamedR · 05/11/2014 17:21

I kind of know how you feel. I have the ds I'm doing the tribunal for. A toddler with sn that I aware has ADHD - think rabid Tazmainian devil and that's him. A stroppy pre teen and a newborn.

I think I'm going to explode most days. My hair is falling out in handfuls, I can't sleep, I have a history of high bp but I can't get any practice help. I have told my sister and mum I'm on verge of a brake down but it's just words to them. My mates moaning about her new work surfaces having marks on them am I'm like a nuclear reactor going into meltdown.

Maybe talking would help? I don't think it helps me. The more I feel under pressure the better I cope by shutting down. I go in core programming mode. If I survive the kids have a mum. When I talk people don't hear me. They bang on about their stupid "problems" like the neighbours cat and I end up hating them and the world just a little bit more

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cansu · 05/11/2014 17:39

Really know how you feel as I have been posting on here about my own difficulties with coping in v similar circumstances. The advice on here was to ask for more help and be honest about how I was struggling. Took the plunge this week and phoned social worker and have made appointment to discuss fact that need more help. Am also working on myself accepting that I am dealing with v hard situation and is not my fault. I think the counsellor may help you with this aspect. I feel such a failure for not being able to cope with this situation and had started to feel like there was no way of dealing with it. I think that talking to someone outside the family especially if they had some awareness of what living with children with Asd is like might help you to 'see' more clearly. The other thing is can you get any help with the daily grind of housework. I decided to get a cleaner for a few hours a week to help me with this as I also work full time and as well as being depressed and fraught with my dc behaviour. I was also exhausted trying to keep up with house and washing etc. if you can afford this even temporarily might help you a bit.

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choc0clock · 05/11/2014 17:52

i think I saw your posts cansu. hope you feel a bit better now.

Thing is, i cannot afford a cleaner. not as long DC2 is in nursery. and I don't get respite nor do I have a social worker. imposible in my LA unless you end homeless or there are child protection issues. from next year, respute budget will be cut by a whopping 75% so we will never ever get respite in any shape or form. but then, i only work p/t, only one child has SN. my issues do seem rather minor compared to yours or 2boys.

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IsabellaofFrance · 05/11/2014 18:00

What is the harm in trying?

I have had counselling in the past, about 6 months after DS was diagnosed with ASD as I felt really, really down but didn't want to go back on AD's. It was really good to have someone to listen to who just listened. Most people when you tell them how you feel will try and fix it or give you well meaning advice. It was very different and I found it very, very helpful.

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choc0clock · 05/11/2014 18:05

thanks isabella. that is precicely what I wondered about.

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Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/11/2014 18:05

Do they have Home Start where you live? Someone to come in and help a bit? It took about 6 weeks for me to get matched with someone. Unfortunately I couldn't take it further as we moved abroad for DH's work but as I understood it, it's a voluntary service where someone comes to you and helps you get a bit of respite in home, even if it's just to distract the kids for half an hour whilst you have a cuppa. Could be worth googling.

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Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/11/2014 18:07

www.home-start.org.uk/

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2boysnamedR · 05/11/2014 18:32

I have home start. Poor woman hears all my rants.

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LizT123 · 20/11/2014 22:17

I had counselling a couple of years ago for depression. The therapist asked me what I wanted to get out of it and I said I needed ways of learning to cope with DS's problems as they could not be cured (severe learning difficulties, dyspraxic, phobia of doctors, blood tests, injections....). Instead of trying to "cure" my depression, the therapist let me try out different ideas on him and gave me the confidence to stand up for the methods I felt would work in assisting DS to deal with a phobia of medical procedures as he was able to explain how different methodologies might work. He gave me a lot of confidence by being able to provide me with an impartial but very knowledgeable sounding block. If I had the chance to go back now for further sessions I would as I would trust that therapist to support me by giving me a psychological input into my child's problems but from the viewpoint of trying to help me as a parent. I don't think you have anything to lose. I really hope you find someone who can help and support you.