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DDs school accusation

(12 Posts)
constantlyconfused Mon 27-Oct-14 09:43:39

DD was observed by CAHMS at school .I knew this was happening was told not to tell DD I had no idea what day/time.
I didn't mention to DD the observation took place and I have just received a letter basically saying DD knew it was happening which mucked it up waste of time/resources now there'll be a delay how disappointing blah blah. I am really upset and its half term so I can't even find out what happened . I am pissed off they would accuse me of this as I am desperate for DD to get help and would never sabotage this!!

minionmadness Mon 27-Oct-14 11:23:56

Send a letter to whoever has written to you asking them to provide evidence that your dd knew the observation was happening stating that you certainly didn't tell her.

How old is she... my ds (ASD) 6 would know if someone "new" was in class. He wouldn't know who they were and what they were there for but it would definitely spook him, which would be evident in his behaviour.

constantlyconfused Mon 27-Oct-14 11:49:57

She is 14 and very paranoid anyhow. She has been to many appointments recently so would have probably said "Are you here to watch me". She hasn't mentioned it and i can't mention it so I have no idea. The letter was very rude and accusing and now I have to sit on it for a week !

Bilberry Mon 27-Oct-14 12:00:03

Could you write a strongly worded reply saying you are very disappointed that someone at school told her about the assessment, that you will be in touch to discuss how the school will be improving their confidentiality and communication so something like this doesn't happen again and what are they going to do to prevent further delay?

To be honest, I suspect your dd worked it out for herself and am surprised they didn't think so too. If she didn't know they were definitely watching her, it would certainly have been obvious they were watching someone...

constantlyconfused Mon 27-Oct-14 12:20:03

I have sent an email basically asking why they think i'd sabotage the observation and what proof they have . Every time they are criticised they turn on me . I am livid and cross they are now off so can't get any answers . This has been a long ,long process and I am fuming I am now to blame for further delays.

homework Wed 29-Oct-14 19:10:07

Sorry you child is fourteen and there wondering how she worked out that they where observing her .

Come on , she fourteen not four . She would know immediately that something was up and they just need to look at her more than a couple of times for her to know .

Can't believe they thought that a child this age wouldn't know . Although as a parent I would be annoyed with there attitude towards me , which shows no understanding of the anguish your going though.

TombStoneTessie Wed 29-Oct-14 20:26:10

I agree with homework.
My ds would occasionally come home from school and tell me that someone had been in his class 'watching' him. When I asked why he thought they were watching him he pointed out that he wasn't stupid. Most of the time he said that they had their paperwork upside down and expected him not to be able to read his name on it or had watched him do something and then written a note.

The professionals would then complain that he had 'known' they were watching and therefore didn't act in the manner that school claimed that
he did hmm

constantlyconfused Wed 29-Oct-14 20:49:41

I'm fed up with it all. DD might struggle but she is very perceptive and would guess. Now things have taken a step backwards and i'm to blame shock .

homework Thu 30-Oct-14 10:43:48

Constantly , why are camhs not in , they work for the nhs , not the educational authority , so there should be someone around that you can speak with .

I would want to know why they though that you would sabotage an intervention that you have been waiting months to happen . Also why they think that a teenager who may be struggling isn't going to be perceptive enough to know that something is up , when there someone in there class who paying particular attention towards them .

Teenagers may act like they don't know what's going on round about them , but there more astute than we as adults give them credit for , most children are , even young child know when things aren't right.

What are camhs assessing your daughter for , is she being non compliant , teenagers have the same right to privacy that we expect as an adult .
Also a lot depends on whether they form a bond with the person who is suppost to be supporting them , to actually get anything out of it , my child didn't find camhs helpful at all , we since found a private counsellor who he's more able to relate to , who actually make him think he has the time for him rather than the rushed attitude the person from camhs gave across ,

constantlyconfused Thu 30-Oct-14 13:33:41

possible developmental disorder and EBD . I don't have the best relationship with the school and have not agreed with how they have tried to manage DD which resulted in her behaviour becoming worse.
Last time i saw CAHMS they were lovely but now they have had meetings with school they are much colder with me and the original plan seems to have changed but i've been left in the dark .

homework Thu 30-Oct-14 14:08:55

Could you ring and speak with person involved with your child from camhs and ask what the plan is now , why do they need to see how she works in school for a developmental disorder surely this would be present for there assessment on her academic ability outside of school as well .

I would also be upfront with person involved and tell them that you don't have the best relationship with your daughter school and why you feel that is , also that you feel that there using the fact to be less than supportive towards your child . Ensure that person you speak to uses the information your giving them in confidences as they have to have a comment meant to confidentiality as there part of the nhs .

constantlyconfused Thu 30-Oct-14 14:14:08

I spoke with them they were quite cold and said they will write to me in due course and couldn't tell me if we were still seeing the consultant in a few weeks so i'm none the wiser !
So guess i'll just have to hold tight till i hear something . This process is so slow and so frustrating .

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