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Unexpected impacts on nt siblings

(6 Posts)
Mercythompson Mon 11-Aug-14 16:08:10

Ds1 is 6 has high functioning autism.. Ds2 4 and nt.

I have always worried about the impact on ds2 of having a brother with autism and am finding there are lots of things, positive and negative which I just hadn't anticipated.

I.e. Ds2 is really emotionally intelligent which I put down, at least partly, to spending so much of his time around autistic children.(I think the other part is just my awe that he can do those things and how easily it can come to nt children)

He is also really worried about strangers because ds1 is so vulnerable and would literally walk off with a stranger at any point and apparently all my banging on about it to ds1 has had no effect on him but has really worried ds2 sad

Same with roads, ds1 would, and has, tried to touch a moving car and walked out in front of moving traffic. I bang on about it, net effect, no change in ds1, ds2 really worried.

I don't know what to do about those things, I can't not try and prevent ds1 from killing himself in the road but don't want ds2 even more worried.

I am wondering what impacts you see and how you deal with it? I just didn't expect trying to help one child to hurt and upset the other.

Mollyweasley Fri 15-Aug-14 09:12:03

Hi! Don't beat yourself up! It could just be that DS2 is a worrier! Have you tried using social stories,they can work really well. When you have a problem like touching cars, write a social story to explain why you don't touch cars when they move. you can then read it to your ASD child repeatedly out of your Nt child earshot.
There is a particular way to write social stories and it is really worth taking the time to learn (be careful with what is on the net, a lot of stories that claim to be social stories are not!): Carol Gray is the lady to learn it from she wrote a book but also runs a course twice a year in kettering which is quiet costly but worth it I think.

zzzzz Fri 15-Aug-14 16:58:45

Is banging on about it working? Because neither child is benefiting. Just stop doing that.

2boysnamedR Mon 18-Aug-14 00:17:48

My ds could get himself run over everyday if he was left to his own devises! My eldest nt son is a natural worrier. That came before my other child could talk so it's from his brother.

Re repeating yourself, I don't bother saying to ds "what do we do at the road?" As he knows but can't apply it at the time. So I just do the "right stop here, hold the buggy until were across" it's a fine line between endlessly repeating myself to deaf ears and keeping him alive!

2boysnamedR Mon 18-Aug-14 00:18:56

Sorry - not from his brother! I'm dyslexic. Blind leading the blind in this house!

statementtotheedge Tue 19-Aug-14 21:18:58

My two are exactly the same as yours. DS2 is a worrier about all the things I nag DS1 about. Such as handwriting, stranger danger, being careful on his bike and personal hygiene etc. But he would naturally be a little shy anyway, whereas, DS1 would never be shy or quiet!

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