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6.5 yr old AS DS becoming mildly aggressive

(5 Posts)
JustWonderingAbout Mon 09-Jun-14 08:54:22

Feeling down.
Just have no control over what happens when I'm not there and no idea WHY they happen as never happen when I AM there. Seems to be
only in group activity times when he's not active. Waiting/ sitting.

I'm so touched by kindness of understanding mummy yesterday. But deeply sad that other children are sometimes upset and that he's making his chances of making friends so hard. He's so desperate to make friends, too!

I'm talking about a pinch or a scratch. Random magician acts on pencils (moving others' pencil to confuse them - and presumably amuse him). Mostly stuff you'd expect of a 3 or 4 year old.
Just so sad. Every day, for the last four years, I drop him off and leave with my tummy in knots.
It used to be because he didn't follow instructions. Now it's minor physical stuff. Is this a natural progression at 6 and a half with asperges?

Just have had ENOUGH of not knowing what will happen on collection from school, a club/ group. Sick of it. I sound like an angry parent. I'm just exhauuuuusted. I put so much in and yet - there's no constant. Except that I'm constantly up in the air as to what to expect.
CAHMS told me to grow a thicker skin. Guess they're right.
Anyone else been through this? Where can I buy thick skins from? Willing to pay above the usual rate for one of good quality that won't shed! Lol

Kleinzeit Mon 09-Jun-14 17:22:08

flowers Sympathy. My DS was very outgoing but he couldn't cope with social life unless (a) it was very structured - like playing a game with rules that he could follow or else (b) he needed one-to-one support from an adult. Which is possibly why your DS is only having trouble when you're not there - maybe you are helping him cope with the things he finds hard like waiting, perhaps you are distracting or occupying him or guiding him?

This might mean that as he grows up your DS is finding it harder to cope. As the expectations for managing social behaviour go up, children with ASCs may find they can't cope and act in silly or aggressive ways instead. Waiting around, lining up, were some of my DS's worst times.

I would not just accept CAMHS telling you to get a thicker skin. It's easy for them to say but kids who pinch and poke and annoy other kids (my DS did!) can end up getting bullied and isolated or accused of bullying themselves. What helped my DS were: social-skills class (run by a language therapist); one-to-one support at the after-school club; supervision from me or DH at out-of-school activities like French club or football; close supervision at playtime in school. He also had a one-to-one in class as his behaviour could get very out hand indeed (I'm guessing your DS's problems aren't quite that bad!). The school made many adaptations, like giving him a special place to stand slightly away from the line so he wouldn't poke the others for a couple of years, and a separate "workstation", and a beanbag to sit on at carpet time.... he did grow out of needing them in the end.

Does your DS have a statement? Even if he is coping academically, there are social aspects to school and your DS may need help so he can as they say "access the curriculum" in a way that works.

Kleinzeit Mon 09-Jun-14 17:37:38

PS There are also some things you can do to teach your DS to understand and respect other children's physical space and belongings. Look up Social Stories, like this one about
personal space and this NAS site about social skills has suggestions for programmes you can do at home.

But I would also ask CAMHS if they can point you at a social-skills group for your DS.

JustWonderingAbout Mon 09-Jun-14 18:40:48

Klein, thank you. No we are currently awaiting dx having been passed through from CAHMS to the place where this authority gives a full diagnostic assessment of AS. Glad to hear your tips. He's already seated alone. Yes to transition times being problematic. And seated times. Bean bag would be good. He was at a state school and the HV told me (off record) to move him as she witnessed him being blasted out (I had wondered why he was in sensory overload when I collected him - couldn't talk). This was apparently typical (shouting at him at close range and super-loudly) as he 'just wouldn't listen - according to school teacher in state nursery he was in). He's now in a private school (following sad passing of DH's parents. Yup. Both died. Doing well as v bright but not sire where statementing stands in private schools. Thank gd for his current teacher. She suggested I get him checked for autism. I'd already been on waiting list for CAHMS (2 years) but made me think: 'it's not just my imagination!' Lol

JustWonderingAbout Mon 09-Jun-14 18:41:52

Oooh. Will ask CAHMS about social skills groups. Assessment seems to be a struggle (a wait of yonks n yonks). Support seems to be eluding us completely!

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