I just want to put that down somewhere who will 'get me' I don't want sympathy or even a reply but if I say it here I won't be assessed for being a failure. I think the light has definitely been snuffed out
The only flicker I see right now are the two candles I got lit whilst I am huddled under a fleece with a hot water bottle (my idea of late night calm) and I thank you for the hugs and I mean that x
It's such a jumble of affairs tbh no different to most I suspect. No money, can't do accounts STILL as ds refuses to allow me to tap a key. Over crowded not helping anyone.
Eldest DD on a sofa. I am on a sofa as ds routine is shot having her here and he is making her pay big time for it. Hot water tank gone, fire busted, wallpaper ripped sofa wrecked, DS doing so wonderful at school now reading everything in sight and nothing but praise from school but oh he'll are we paying for it (or me) at home.
Both dds need me, work needs me, dh needs me, DS can't control himself and won't get up or go school and hits me now family dont like it but I try to keep focus on what is stressing him and staying on track. All hell breaks loose.
DH has swapped roles to release me from stress so I am in shop and he getting him up and school etc then doing some accounts. Purely our of kindness and support but it hurts like hell that he gets no issue with getting him sorted
Phase been through of just me dealing with ds as dh had to remove himself for fear of smacking him (he did the right thing) as was so angry at his behaviour and language but that left me being rammed in the back with a bed ladder through his bedroom door just sat and cried the other side of it as I am so tired..
Fell crap useless and used at the same time letting those I love down and watching my whole family fall to pieces. We could lose our home if we don't get accounts done. Can't pay for someone to do it. Can't even pay to buy a new fire or hot water.
Kick me up the bum please it's been a shit couple years and I just want to go away and hide
You don't need a kick up the bum. You need a bloody big hug and someone to tell you how wonderfully you are doing. I'm so sorry about your situation...is there anyway you could look on fb or free cycle for a new fire? Isn't there a council scheme for boilers/water tanks etc? Honk honk x
Of course you want to run away and hide; it sounds as is you've been worn out and need to recharge, not a kick from behind. You have been doing fabulously and supporting so many people. You need support too. Thats normal.
What one thing would help? Having a bed to sleep in? Heat? Pick one and get it done...as polter says, get a win under your belt, it will help with giving you a boost for everything else.
Agreeing with everything that's been said. Closing the shop isn't that radical. We have a load of old fashioned Arkwright type stores around here and many of them have their annual "closed for stocktaking" signs up, sometimes for a week or two. We also still have half day closing, midweek. Sometimes, something has to give, because if it doesn't, it's going to break anyhow.