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I am just so sad :(

(15 Posts)
coff33pot Fri 28-Mar-14 19:38:31

I just want to put that down somewhere who will 'get me' I don't want sympathy or even a reply but if I say it here I won't be assessed for being a failure. I think the light has definitely been snuffed out sad

PolterGoose Fri 28-Mar-14 19:47:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Fri 28-Mar-14 19:54:26

Ah coff sad
{hug}

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Fri 28-Mar-14 20:18:27

I got a lot from your posts when I first found this board. Your light may flicker but it won't go out smile

zzzzz Fri 28-Mar-14 20:21:49

Oh coffee what has happened?

ouryve Fri 28-Mar-14 20:34:12

'sup, coffee? sad

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 28-Mar-14 21:03:25

Coff hugs from me too.

coff33pot Fri 28-Mar-14 22:39:41

The only flicker I see right now are the two candles I got lit whilst I am huddled under a fleece with a hot water bottle (my idea of late night calm) and I thank you for the hugs and I mean that x

It's such a jumble of affairs tbh no different to most I suspect. No money, can't do accounts STILL as ds refuses to allow me to tap a key. Over crowded not helping anyone.

Eldest DD on a sofa. I am on a sofa as ds routine is shot having her here and he is making her pay big time for it. Hot water tank gone, fire busted, wallpaper ripped sofa wrecked, DS doing so wonderful at school now reading everything in sight and nothing but praise from school but oh he'll are we paying for it (or me) at home.

Both dds need me, work needs me, dh needs me, DS can't control himself and won't get up or go school and hits me now sad family dont like it but I try to keep focus on what is stressing him and staying on track. All hell breaks loose.

DH has swapped roles to release me from stress so I am in shop and he getting him up and school etc then doing some accounts. Purely our of kindness and support but it hurts like hell that he gets no issue with getting him sorted sad

Phase been through of just me dealing with ds as dh had to remove himself for fear of smacking him (he did the right thing) as was so angry at his behaviour and language but that left me being rammed in the back with a bed ladder through his bedroom door sad just sat and cried the other side of it as I am so tired..

Fell crap useless and used at the same time letting those I love down and watching my whole family fall to pieces. We could lose our home if we don't get accounts done. Can't pay for someone to do it. Can't even pay to buy a new fire or hot water.

Kick me up the bum please it's been a shit couple years and I just want to go away and hide sad

zzzzz Fri 28-Mar-14 23:06:53

No hiding. brew and a list. Start at the top with the most urgent and just keep going. You've been in harder places coffee HONK HONK HONK HONK

And ds is reading grin how magical.

no boots up the bum, just plenty of hugs from me brew it's been really tough but you are still standing coff, keep plodding onwards smile honk honk honk

Badvoc Sat 29-Mar-14 08:08:12

You don't need a kick up the bum.
You need a bloody big hug and someone to tell you how wonderfully you are doing.
I'm so sorry about your situation...is there anyway you could look on fb or free cycle for a new fire? Isn't there a council scheme for boilers/water tanks etc?
Honk honk x

PolterGoose Sat 29-Mar-14 08:44:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redoubtable Sat 29-Mar-14 09:01:48

coff I'm sorry to hear this. Hugs and honks.

Of course you want to run away and hide; it sounds as is you've been worn out and need to recharge, not a kick from behind. You have been doing fabulously and supporting so many people. You need support too. Thats normal.

What one thing would help? Having a bed to sleep in? Heat? Pick one and get it done...as polter says, get a win under your belt, it will help with giving you a boost for everything else.

bochead Sat 29-Mar-14 10:24:39

can the two of you close the shop for three days? Then use the hours DS is at school wisely.

Day 1 - SLEEP you sound exhausted and NOTHING functions once you hit a certain stage of ongoing sleep deprivation.

Day 2 - The two of you work together to get those accounts done. 2 heads are better than one, and faster.

Day 3 - You investigate grants etc for getting the boiler fixed. Can the family fund help replace anything that's broken?

I know closing the shop sounds a bit radical, especially with all you've been through previously but you really do sound like you are running on fumes right now.

ouryve Sat 29-Mar-14 16:24:16

Agreeing with everything that's been said. Closing the shop isn't that radical. We have a load of old fashioned Arkwright type stores around here and many of them have their annual "closed for stocktaking" signs up, sometimes for a week or two. We also still have half day closing, midweek. Sometimes, something has to give, because if it doesn't, it's going to break anyhow.

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