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how do I handle this?

(10 Posts)
ilikemysleep Wed 26-Mar-14 08:56:03

My almost 13 yr old ds borrowed my ipad last night. This morning, as well as usual minecraft videos, I can see that someone has accessed a vile porn videos site with nasty free clips on the title page, pictures of oral, reverse entry and even a clip on the home page of triple entry. One video has been downloaded but not watched I think. Ds has aspergers and selective mutism and has been doing sex ed in school. Obviously he is going to be getting interested in this sort of thing but browsing porn has surprised me and this particular site is very degrading of women, things like 'see the bitches, your wife will never find out'. What should I do? Dh is away in business so I get to tackle this. Urgh, he can't unsee this stuff....

zzzzz Wed 26-Mar-14 09:21:04

Oh great! angry

Poor you.

Personally porn gives me the rage so if it was my child I would be treating them to a very long and ongoing discussion about just how those women/men feel having to do that. The iPad would not be available for a year. angry

I do believe that you know a person by what they hate. Imagine one of the victims was your son, it should fuel your actions.

ilikemysleep Wed 26-Mar-14 09:38:29

Thanks zzzz. My problem is, ds is very uncommunicative and very prudish and will be MORTIFIED about me finding out. I am tempted to put a lock on the ipad and just have a quiet word as I don't want to drive him 'underground' as it were, or into lockdown silence because he is so humiliated. But obv I need to tell him its inappropriate, but I worry that making him feel dirty about it or excessively punishing him will twist something for him. As I say he is very prudish and I didn't see this coming.

ilikemysleep Wed 26-Mar-14 09:44:19

I wonder if I should tell him it isn't what normal sex in a loving relationship is like...

zzzzz Wed 26-Mar-14 09:50:59

Deal with it exactly as you would if you discovered he had snitched alcohol or been eating poo.

I think explaining that it is very different from sex in a loving relationship.

ilikemysleep Wed 26-Mar-14 10:12:35

Well, not sure how that went. When I said 'the browsing history...' he ran off. I told him I wasn't going to lecture but it was very inappropriate. He said it popped up on a youtube site and he didn't mean to open it or download a video. He said he didn't explore the website. The downloaded vid is on the front page so it is possible, as I say he is such a prude it would be very out of character. He promised me he would not look at that sort of site again and has agreed with me installing parental controls. He actually looks a bit traumatised and has already been tearful this morning so maybe it really was an accident? An

zzzzz Wed 26-Mar-14 10:17:49

Whoops
I think explaining that it is very different from sex in a loving relationship is very important.

I doubt it was accidental (though he might have stumbled onto the page). It is VERY normal adolescent boy behaviour and embarrassment is entirely appropriate. I still squirm remembering my Mum asking "which bit DO they cut off when they circumcise boys". <shudder>

RaRaTheNoisyLion Wed 26-Mar-14 10:54:55

I expect he wasn't looking for porn like that when he started. But if you were looking for information or even pictures of 'sex' unfortunately that is the kind of thing that often comes up.

homework Wed 26-Mar-14 13:17:44

If his dads back now from his trip , would he respond better to having a chat with him on maybe a lads day out thing at weekend , somewhere quiet where they can actually talk .
If not his dad an older brother of uncle who young enough to relate to how he's feeling .
Try and get whoever chats with him to bring a lot of humour into it . Okay son time we did the birds and bees type talk as your now doing sex education at school etc , nothing about what he's looked at so making him feel bad , or dirty but bringing in about internet and all different stuff that's out there to a small degrees so is able to prospect himself from this . Humour helps a lot when doing this type of talk , explaining that he's also going to come across boys in school who say they done whole lot more than they actually have to make themselves look big in others eyes .
Hope it goes well , then leave it for him to come back and ask things , if you a good relationship he will the more it's discussed within class , some things will shock a little but think that's factor some kids try to create, better he knows what there talking about than not.

ilikemysleep Wed 26-Mar-14 19:10:52

Thanks homework - Dad not back till w/e but think we may well ty this then...

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