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(8 Posts)
Toni27 Sun 09-Mar-14 16:40:37

Need some advice. My NT daughter had a best friend last school year (reception), the family were new to the village and my daughter and this little girl became great friends straight away and I also got on great with her mum. Every thing was fine, she was good to talk to and supportive when I was getting our son assessed for asd, which he as got by the way, all in all a lovely friend to have. Over the school summer holidays the girl ame to play at our house for the day and they were okay but had a few little bickers as 5yr old girls do. I dropped the girl back later that evening bit the girls were knackerred but playing lovely and my daughter did not want to go home. She was screaming shouting and crying and I carried her home where she promptly fell asleep. Thought no more of it but never got invited round for a return play date for the rest f the hols, I found it so strange, and when we got back to school the girls mum was really weird with me, avoiding me etc. if I spoke to her she was friendly but it was like she was keeping her distance. And her little girl had a new best friend it turns out they had been having tons of play dates over the hols. Anyway, to cut a long story a bit shorter, I just found out that over the summer holidays this girls mum had been telling other mums in our village that her husband thought that my daughter "had it too" as in asd like her brother. I am so upset! Although I feel I shouldn't be, there's nothing wrong with having autism, but on the other hand I'm absolutely positive my daughter hasn't got it and feel so sad for her that she has been gossiped about. I can only imagine the other mums watching her and analysing everything she does poor girl. Aibu to feel upset by this? I'm gutted cos I thought we were friends

Jerbil Sun 09-Mar-14 18:18:58

It's very disappointing that the mum didn't talk to you about it for a start. We can all show traits, that doesn't mean we need a dx. You only need that if it affects your life IMO. What i would say here is that if they haven't invited your DD around because they think she might have it then you're better off without them. They will get their just deserts one day! Karma will prevail. Sit back and wait and your daughter will find decent friends. However, if problems occur and any bullying whether to you or your daughter then don't be afraid to take it up with school. chin up.x

StarlightMcKingsThree Sun 09-Mar-14 19:43:06

I have a 5 year old girl and I cannot understand the politics of playdates. Some are returned, some are not. Some I do all of the work and I have to admit that some do all the work and I have never returned the favour.

It appears to me that everyone is getting along much better and having such great relationships and picking up each others kids and even having nights out. I think they are, some of them. I suspect though that many are not.

I think you just need to take it easy. If the mother has gone off you, find someone else. If you don't think you can easily find someone else then perhaps you invested more in the relationship than they did and that can be overbearing for some.

bochead Sun 09-Mar-14 20:18:56

Wendy alert!

Look on the main forums for a Wendy definition.

Personally I think you and your daughter have had a narrow escape in the long term. As one of the NT siblings, I remember loathing with a passion anyone who thought my disabled sibling was any lesser of a human being than the rest of us. That was as true for the adults I came into contact with as their children. Honestly, it HURT that people would think badly of my sibling and that's a horrid feeling to have as a child.

If she cared about your child's welfare she would have spoken about any concerns to you. Instead she chose to try and put your family down in order to raise herself up in the social circles of a new community.

At 5 girls chop and change best friends as often as they do their hair scrunchies, that's nothing to fret about. The mother though, is not a nice lady, so is not a suitable friend for you. Karma will catch up with her, in the meantime have a cuppa and a chat with someone worthy of your time.

coff33pot Sun 09-Mar-14 20:39:40

Wwid? move on and thank my lucky stars the friendship has spent.

your daughter will make other friends. She is only 5 and by the time she reaches juniors she will chop and change friends a lot.

You on the other hand don't need a "friend" that prefers to spread gossip rather than have such a discussion with you first x

Toni27 Mon 10-Mar-14 13:11:17

Okay thanks very much I think your right my daughter has seemed to start to manage with out this girl over the last few weeks anyway I think your right about karma and hopefully one day everyone else will realise what she is really like. For the meantime I'm going to avoid her! Thanks again xxx

zzzzz Mon 10-Mar-14 13:48:25

Yup. Once one of you has it everyone gets the searchy looks and every armchair psychologist in the land diagnoses you with every acronym they can lay their hands on. confused

Total fuckwits, really.

There's not much you can do about it but ignore. Your dd knows she doesn't have the same problems your ds has. If you live with it it's bloody obvious. You need kinder and brighter friends. I think you've had a lucky escape tbh

Honk honk

Toni27 Mon 10-Mar-14 18:47:33

Thanks so much glad you all understand its given me a lift, saw her today and avoided her!

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