i think i just need to give up on school

[thriftychic]

recently had a meeting in school for ds2 asd , the additional needs woman has since provided teachers with information and suggestions for helping ds2 . It has taken 3 years , since he was diagnosed for them to even begin to do anything as they seemed to think he was ok in school , despite his lack of focus or work and regular school refusal
they were so proud of making a reasonable adjustment for him , a box of pens in the form room so he wouldnt keep getting detention for having no pen .
I have told them umpteen times that he cannot be relied upon to pass on letters , i have just missed parents evening because i didnt get a letter nor did ds2 make me appointments with the individual teachers which is what is expected . no one noticed , no one cared .

i have now just got ds2 report through the post , one teacher has written ' He is constantly losing his work and books which is putting him behind - he needs to ensure he is organized and equipped for lessons'
ffs , as far as i am aware this is part of having aspergers . How would you respond to this ? I feel i need to speak to this English teacher

[thriftychic]

should have said ds2 is 15 and in yr 10 at high school , so obviously total different ball game top primary

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

Can you push for a meeting with the senco to demand to know what specifically they are doing to help him?

I would be worried that they've just given up and are letting him slide by until he's out of school, which is awful.

[LetZygonsbeZygons]

Im homeschooling now after years of hassle and no help from school and a lot of stress to DC and me.

best thing I ever did, we are both so much calmer and love this time together.

Is HS an option for you? contact your partnership with parents person. mines brilliant and shes so supportive.

[streakybacon]

HE has been a lifesaver for ds too - if you can manage it then it's certainly worth considering. Pop over to the HE board if you want to know more.

[troutsprout]

Thrifty ... I have used the rather sarky phrase "yup... That"ll be the autism" a lot when teachers were particularly unhelpful with comments such as those ..., and then immediately took it higher.
I did the same recently when a college lecturer told me " he needs prompting!" ... Me: " yes it states this on the information sheet learning support team gave you" .She went on to tell me that she doesn't have time to prompt.Then she proceeded to tell me she told the group a task and then left him for 10 minutes and watched to see if he would do it . She said " I watched! He did nothing!"

There was really little point in talking to her at this point. She needed training.
So I took it higher and complained.

It IS part of Aspergers... You are right

Your boy needs strategies to help with organisation . Ds is 16 now and at college. But his secondary school came up with lots of organisational strategies
(Reminder band on wrist, see through colour coded folders for each subject, front page of book a home/ school message page etc etc). A lot of these became things he took on board and has had success with.
I would be making appointments to speak to senco. Does he get much support in school?

[thriftychic]

i have considered HE but i dont really think it will work for us . I have had ds2 at home before for a few months and he really wouldnt engage in anything but fishing related stuff and his xbox . he is so difficult , we really struggle to get him to do anything.
trout , glad to hear your boy is getting some help . Its minimal at ds2 school although up until a few weeks ago it was non existent. It isnt helped though by the fact that ds2 refuses to accept he has any issues and doesnt want any special treatment but then has complete meltdowns over tiny things .
I am waiting to hear back about a reduced timetable and i think i might find some information for the teacher about AS and organizational skills ( if poss) and send it to her .
so frustrating !

[happyanyounoitflapyourhands]

Wow sounds like my situation with school not recognizing when there is clear issues !!! Glad it's not just me !

Ps
Big hugs x

[Ineedmorepatience]

I said "Welcome to autism, welcome to my world!" to Dd3's Head Teacher last week when he announced to me that he thinks some of Dd3's behaviour is controlling!!

Luckily I had a friend with me who laughed out loud and agreed, otherwise I dont think I would have believed my ears!!

Sorry you and your Ds are having such a difficult time thrifty it shouldnt be so hard

[thriftychic]

geez i think its a case of laugh or cry isnt it

[troutsprout]

Lol... I like that Ineed

It makes me larf when they think they are telling you something you might not have noticed.

[troutsprout]

Yes Thifty

[thriftychic]

when i read back over ds2 last few years of school reports they are full of comments telling me what i already know . A few have told me how his moods are very changeable , that he has good days and bad days , like i dont see him in the morning before he goes to school.
That he needs to improve his attendance , like i didnt notice he had refused to go to school on and off for months and months , like i sat back and enjoyed some mum and son time instead without a care in the world !
that he needs to stay on task , like i dont spend half my life chasing him around trying to get him to do things properly
you just gotta laarf

[Ineedmorepatience]

I have book marked a page in a Tony Attwood book to scan and print off for him about demand aviodant behaviour! An a quote from Hans Asperger about how AS children relate [or not] to teachers!!

I have warned him that they are on their way

And yes I am pushing the boundaries but they are letting Dd3 down at the moment and they know it!!