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ds1 and his quirks

(11 Posts)
SwayingBranches Tue 04-Mar-14 03:35:30

ds2 has currently been referred on for possible autism and he does fit it a lot.

Anyway, it's made me think more about ds1 who is almost 10. I wouldn't say he is, certainly he pointed as a child and talked just fine, although people did think he was unusual in how he spoke. I did have some concerns, such as the fact his preferred play at 2 was lining up his cars and he loved to read Auto Trader, he could identify any make and model of car, even from a side view, at 2. At toddler group he did the same and wasn't interested in other children at all until he was 3.

He still gets obsessive. He's heavily into football, enjoys playing it, gets bored watching it, but memorises all the facts and figures and tells anecdotes like he's seen the matches from the past that he's talking about. He has an incredible ability to memorise facts and figures from whatever he's currently obsessed with. He's very good at maths, like adding three digit numbers in his head when he was 3. His play is often recreating battles from the computer game EU 3 and if he doesn't have access to the game he prints off world maps to colour, and with his lego he'll use the blocks as colours to represent countries on the green board.

I had assumed he was very socially aware, but we talk a lot about kids and their motivations, he tends to liken them to other things, so he understands the dynamics of his class as if it's war, allies, enemies and neutral people and all manner of treaty interactions between people who are trying to get in with the larger powers in the classroom, that is, the popular children.

He's also very highly strung, perfectionist, he sleep walks and has night terrors. His new school since September has really helped because they work on drafts of things so he doesn't have to get things right first time. I took him out of his last school because he ended up having meltdowns at the end of each day, shouting at me, screaming in my face and walking off and wishing he was dead. Just behaviour that is not him at all. He does have concentration problems in class but he has worked on those. And I already know if the free school doesn't open in the year he goes to secondary I will probably home educate again as dh and I think he'll drown in one of the regular large schools, both with other pupils and more shouty adults. I still remember him at 3 telling me when I shouted at him it made his brain go fizzy and he couldn't think at all and he's much the same now.

He also needs to know exactly what's going on in a day. If we go to town he won't let it rest about the order we're doing the shops in and what exactly we have to get.

Sorry for the massive essay. I guess what I'm wondering is are these more than a little quirky? I mean dh is most likely also on the spectrum, I fit some of the aspergers adult women stuff though it seems bizarre to me that I do, so is he just quirky because of the family he comes from or is there more going on? Not that anyone can really answer this. I guess I just need to get it out, maybe change the way we are with him. I had assumed he was emotionally mature, but I think he's intellectually able and compensating.

SwayingBranches Tue 04-Mar-14 03:53:38

By not interested in other children I mean not acknowledging their existence.

He also thinks he's different to everyone else and doesn't understand why they don't understand things like he does.

In his reports from school he's always been academically ahead but teachers have always flagged that he has problems with working in a group.

And he does go on and on and on about whatever his interest is, even when I tell him directly that he's been talking at me for 20 minutes on the same subject (currently football statistics) and now it's time to talk about something else.

Seems pretty obvious in some ways I guess, listing it all like that. I would say no sensory issues but he does like to strip off when inside and prefers pyjamas because they're softer. And all shirts absolutely must be buttoned up to the neck.

I don't think he needs a diagnosis of anything, but I think maybe we'll understand him a little better now.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 04-Mar-14 08:19:23

Hi swaying I know you have talked yourself out of getting him diagnosed wink but I was just thinking, maybe when you meet the team for Ds 2 you could just print off your post and take it along with you and see what they think.

I have a Dd who is 11 and has a diagnosis of Asd, it has actually been very beneficial to her and helped her to understand why she is different and that it is ok to be different.

We are facing the same issues with secondary, wish we could find a nice small free school for her too.

Good luck whatever you decide to do and your Ds sounds brilliant smile

PolterGoose Tue 04-Mar-14 08:45:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SwayingBranches Tue 04-Mar-14 09:23:56

And now I'm obviously crying. Everyone has always commented how different he is, but not negatively, he just usually leaves people smiling and bemused. Like he's just been diagnosed with asthma and he was asking the nurse all manner of questions about exactly how this affects your lungs.

He's very sociable, in fact he knows more adults on the street than I do and I'm not talking about ones with kids either. But he's always been a target of certain kinds of kids to pick on him.

I know it would really help him to understand himself, but then I think the world can often be terrible and I don't even trust equality laws won't be removed.

But yes, there may not be quite enough to diagnose anyway.

PolterGoose Tue 04-Mar-14 09:43:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SwayingBranches Tue 04-Mar-14 09:56:38

Thank you. It's all just a lot to take in recently. And he's fine now in this school, but he wasn't in the infant school or the primary after that. And he may want to do secondary even if it's not the free school and may need help. He comes across as so able, but he's very very emotional and he actually internalises more than lashing out which worries me a lot as I was the same and have had mental health problems due to it.

PolterGoose Tue 04-Mar-14 10:11:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueeyedmonster Tue 04-Mar-14 13:33:41

I have only read the first paragraph swaying but you've just described ds at 2.

SwayingBranches Wed 05-Mar-14 07:27:41

I brought up the idea of autistic traits to ds1 on the walk home from school and he was a verbal volcano of all the ways he felt different. Although he came to the conclusion he couldn't possibly be because his obsessions change and the two close friends he's had with diagnosed autism have the same obsessions since childhood.

Then when dh came home he whined at him these words "Daddeeeee, Mummy says I'm autistic"!! Which I didn't say!

Anyway, he was a little defensive, but sort of relieved and freer if that makes sense. And he said himself it explained his stick collection. I forgot about the stick collecting as it's been a constant since he could walk and I'd long ago given in to the stack of sticks!

Cailleach Wed 05-Mar-14 15:33:23

He is exactly what I was like as child (minus the football and war games obessions though) including the sleep-walking and night terrors.

It took me until I was 36 to work out I had autism. I can't tell you the damage that growing up struggling constantly and not knowing why did to my self-esteem.

To be honest it was really obvious in hindsight that our family has some people who are downright odd (maternal grandmother, in particular) and that I had issues too which became more and more pronounced as I got older (too many to list here.)

I really really wish someone had pinpointed it earlier instead of leaving me to sink and nearly drown.

Obviously this is only my personal experience, but I do think as your son is finding life hard in some ways, especially at school, that he may benefit from a diagnosis.

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