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The nurse at CAHMS has told me that minecraft is not suitable for under 12s

(101 Posts)
OddFodd Mon 03-Mar-14 11:41:27

She's made me feel like an awful parent sad

Originally I only let DS (7) play it on creative single player mode but eventually I relented because he went on and on about it and let him play on multiplayer. She thinks it's at the root of his suicidal ideation but Ihe doesn't like violent games so doesn't play them as far as I know and also only plays on a no grief server confused

I have to go back on my own in a few weeks. What's the deal here? If I don't ban it is she going to report me to social services/refuse to provide DS with additional support because I'm not co-operating?

5madthings Mon 03-Mar-14 11:44:43

oh dear my 5, 9 and 11 yr olds play it as do all primary school age children i know!

is she confusing it with another game?

5madthings Mon 03-Mar-14 11:45:29

how can minecraft be the route of his suicidal thoughts?

Johnogroats Mon 03-Mar-14 11:46:12

Mine don't play on it, but I know others who do. I have no idea what it involves, but I don't think that any child should spend a lot of time on computer games.

BertieBotts Mon 03-Mar-14 11:47:23

Erm, I think she's misinformed. Its PEGI rating is 7.

I really don't think she can report you to social services for letting your child play a game that he is legally allowed to buy without your consent.

DS plays it and he is 5. I honestly cannot think of anything about minecraft which could lead to suicidal thoughts unless she's worried about general addictive behaviour, which can happen with anything really.

Goblinchild Mon 03-Mar-14 11:49:52

The nurse is an arse.
Did she explain to you exactly what she disapproves of, or does she think that Minecraft is similar to GTA and the like?
How is she linking it to suicidal tendencies?
Is she bothered about MC which is age-appropriate, or is it the whole 'computer games for under 12s BAD' mindset?
It's given both of mine a community to practise working with, as well as an enjoyable hobby, and taught them something about patience and self-control.
How much time is he spending on it?
I'd insist on a meeting with someone further up the foodchain to discuss it, and the nurse's attitude and opinions in particular, and your concerns that they may impact on her ability to be professional and fair.
She needs to back up her opinion with references and research to prove her case, and no. The provisions in place for your son shouldn't alter one jot because you let him play.

Goblinchild Mon 03-Mar-14 11:52:30

Oh, and get her to put her opinions and reccommendations in writing.
I'd email her, setting out what she said to you and ask her if your understanding is correct, politely and clearly. That often takes the wind from their sails. Nothing quite like having to confirm your words in writing that can be used as part of a papertrail.

BertieBotts Mon 03-Mar-14 11:53:49

Minecraft is not violent. The most violent it gets is pushing (not at all realistic) people off cliffs, or you can set animals on fire, and you can be attacked by zombies but again the zombies are no more than green squares. When you kill something it flashes red and disappears, there is no blood or gore.

The first two tend to be hilarious when you're about 6 and then the novelty wears off when you actually realise how to play the game. And of course you can turn zombies off.

bochead Mon 03-Mar-14 11:54:11

Give over - it's used in some schools/countries for primary maths teaching.

She needs to update her pedagogical knowledge.

minecraftedu.com/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page

Take some print outs from the teacher's section relevant to stuff your kid knows about.

Tell her you've stopped him playing, but let her know her knowledge is outdated and that there is a world of difference between the single player education mode of minecraft and letting a child have free range on call of duty or similar games.

As if we don't have enough to deal with, without having to educate the professionals supposedly trained to help us. She's doing the equivalent of a HV threatening you with SS for putting your newborn to sleep on it's back indoors, and not at the bottom of the garden in all weathers on it's tummy.

(Sorry this is the sort of thing I'm looking at for my MA in education as a potential research topic).

PolterGoose Mon 03-Mar-14 11:56:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddFodd Mon 03-Mar-14 12:11:28

Thank you all! DS has dyspraxia and possibly ADD/ADHD so he finds a lot of games really hard work as he can't run very well or catch a ball but he is good at minecraft. He builds what I think are really amazing and creative things.

Urgh. I really didn't like her. She also said that I have poor boundaries because I let him come into my bed in the night (DS will stay awake for hours crying if I don't relent and he needs sleep); that she's amazed he doesn't get into trouble at school for being so fidgety and that he should improve his ball skills by throwing a ball against the wall and catching it. DS can't catch or throw so funnily enough, his enthusiasm for practicing something he's absolutely shit at is about zero.

I think it will be better when I'm on my own. I didn't want to have a bit row with her while DS was there but I was really cross that she undermined my parenting while he was in the room.

Goblinchild Mon 03-Mar-14 12:25:22

He was in the room?
So his anxiety levels must have rocketed when she was laying down all the changes that she felt out to happen in his life with him there.

bochead Mon 03-Mar-14 12:27:01

I've had that done to me - the undermining my parenting thing. Trouble was that by the time DS was about 8 it became a guaranteed way of ensuring his non-compliance with the person.

"Dis my Mum- and I'm not gonna like you!" Now he's 9, he's not shy about telling people that either!

It's incredibly unprofessional behavior , and tbh I'm thinking you should have a chat with "contact a family" about whether to put in a formal complaint and ask to see someone else. She doesn't seem to have enough basic knowledge of your child's disability to be able to help you. Reporting you to SS because she is too incompetent to know what she's doing isn't OK.

Take some print outs describing what dyspraxia is too!

OT was the best profession for helping me with DS's anxiety - turns out a lot of it was down to physical sensory issues - go back to your GP and ask for a referral as it is my understanding that these can be quite common with dyspraxics.

WilsonFrickett Mon 03-Mar-14 12:27:29

She sounds utterly shit. Would she recommend that a child who uses a wheel chair should do a little bit of walking to improve their motor skills?

TBF I am not mad keen on Minecraft myself but DS loves it and as Polter says, it is so important that he has a shared interest with his peers, so I just bite my tongue.

don't let her make you doubt yourself!!!

Anniecarrieson Mon 03-Mar-14 12:29:33

Wonder if she was thinking of World of Warcraft?

ouryve Mon 03-Mar-14 12:29:55

How is it any worse for a child than playing with Lego, ffs!

OddFodd Mon 03-Mar-14 12:40:41

She hasn't threatened to report me to SS! That's just my paranoia. He did end up getting off his chair and burying himself in my lap by the end of the meeting so clearly wasn't happy. She did soften a bit by the end.

I wouldn't be surprised if some of the kids in his class play more violent games (he told me his best friend has Call of Duty!) but DS certainly doesn't. I wouldn't dream of having that sort of thing in the house.

DS has a recent DX of dyspraxia but it's private. The NHS paed just told me he doesn't have ASD but that he has issues and that was that so because I got so frustrated, I took him to be assessed and he's started weekly OT (NHS OT has discharged him!).

bochead - that's good to hear about the OT. I think that might be the key for my DS too but I feel like we need to explore every avenue.

CAMHS I think are going down the ADHD route - she's given me Vanderbilt and Connors assessments for me and the school to complete.

zzzzz Mon 03-Mar-14 12:49:33

My 6, 8, 8, 11, and 13 year olds all play it. We had visiting cousin who killed people and took their stuff. shock but the rest of us dig or farm and create "houses".

Dd1 built "Harry Potter World" and invited the children to come and play.

I think it's mindless but harmless.

I think she's wrong.

bochead Mon 03-Mar-14 12:58:01

Do talk to contact a family about the social services threat http://www.cafamily.org.uk/

We ended up having to move because of similar levels of stupidity and ignorance from a professional, and I'd hate to see anyone else fall into the same trap. I'd have contacted these guys a lot sooner if I'd known just how awful things could get.

WilsonFrickett Mon 03-Mar-14 12:58:23

'Mindless but harmless' sort of sums it up for me zzzzz grin I will remember that the next time DH says 'did you know WilsonJr spent 10 hours watching minecraft videos on YouTube last week' it was a tough week

zzzzz Mon 03-Mar-14 13:22:54

" I didn't want to have a bit row with her while DS was there but I was really cross"

God this is my life. Why can nobody understand the simple fact that being an arseinfront of a vulnerable child is utterly contemptible. angry

Wilson. My Dh and I have similar conversations. It's not like he didnt spend weeks hours playing computer games in his yooof?!

OddFodd Mon 03-Mar-14 14:05:29

bochead - she didn't threaten me with SS, honestly! But reading the CAMHS thread has made me realise that she probably does view neurodisability through the prism of parenting skills.

I will go back and see her on my own in a couple of weeks and I shall be very honest. I just want to see what the next step is - I assume she's a gateway to DS being assessed by psych or going back to the paed again? I might take some information about minecraft with me grin

bochead Mon 03-Mar-14 14:09:00

Do take the educational info about minecraft with you - I gotta be honest it fascinates me, just cos it might be a way of reaching the parts of DS other educational methods can't without my having to pull my hair out lol!

Due to DS's habit of telling off anyone who criticises my parenting in front of him, I now have to formally ask people to discuss their concerns about my parenting when he is not around to be upset by it.

Redoubtable Mon 03-Mar-14 14:14:26

"Urgh. I really didn't like her. She also said that I have poor boundaries because I let him come into my bed in the night (DS will stay awake for hours crying if I don't relent and he needs sleep); that she's amazed he doesn't get into trouble at school for being so fidgety and that he should improve his ball skills by throwing a ball against the wall and catching it. DS can't catch or throw so funnily enough, his enthusiasm for practicing something he's absolutely shit at is about zero."

Dear God...

I havent finished the thread and have to see a client now.....
but that is s.h.*.t. advice (I dont swear).

I'll be back....thats the worst I have heard for a child with DCD

Google DCD and sensory processing

saintlyjimjams Mon 03-Mar-14 14:22:47

Print out this for her:

www.theguardian.com/technology/2013/sep/05/minecraft-33-million-users

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