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Why is she doing this

(10 Posts)
sweetteamum Sun 02-Mar-14 19:20:31

My daughter has HFA. She is almost 13.

She has suddenly 'found' money over the past few months and immediately wasted it at the shop.

We know she is clearly stealing then lying about it. But how are we supposed to deal with it. She doesn't seem to see it's wrong and would certainly not appreciate others doing the same.

We are so disappointed in her and have to keep counting our money just to make sure she's not taking it.

lougle Sun 02-Mar-14 19:36:33

I take it she has her own money to spend?

sweetteamum Sun 02-Mar-14 19:45:24

Absolutely lougle. She gets pocket money.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 02-Mar-14 20:14:49

Oh no sweet we had that with Dd1, she never could understand what I was so upset about!! She is undx'ed but I believe she has AS and probably ADHD as well.

I had no strategies at all and didnt manage to stop it.

I really hope someone can offer you some advice.

Honking for you !

PolterGoose Sun 02-Mar-14 20:30:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 02-Mar-14 20:38:37

sweet I would seriously try to get professional help with this, it caused so much upset for us and we had no where to turn. Do you have any decent proffs on board??

magso Mon 03-Mar-14 09:29:52

I can only say that DS (now 14 ASD with LD) was doing exactly the same - 'finding' money. Actually he is incredibly good at finding dropped money,(because he is so interested in money) but I am more concerned about 'finding' money in my or others purse or pocket. Eventually he has learnt that this is stealing, but it has taken some time to get him to understand that what is in my purse/bag/ pocket is mine. He has a what is yours is mine but what is mine's my own attitude, especially with family things! Because of his learning disability he is not good at hiding things so it has been easier to see the reasoning behind his stealing. I still have to be very careful. He does not understand about budgeting and making money last. I used to say I did not have enough money to buy him (insert most desirable item on earth at that moment for ds), but later he would sneak into my purse and consider it a lie if he found money in there. He would be angry and take it! Once he took a £20 note to school to the tuckshop - fortunately the teacher in charge of the shop (who knew of our concerns - its a sn school) got the truth out of him and sent the money home again. I have been trying to show him what we need money for - mum's train to work, so I can earn my pay, petrol for the car so Dad can get to work etc.
He likes to treat his classmates from the tuck shop if he 'finds' money - he has trouble with friendships, so it buys him popularity. I think also he sees treats as a reward for being good, so wants treats to feel worthy IYSWIM. All rather sad.
I agree with getting help to get to the bottom of it.

sweetteamum Mon 03-Mar-14 16:36:12

She is wasting it at the local shop - and spending it on others too! I see it as her buying some popularity.

We have no experts on board as when she got her diagnosis and statement, she got discharged!

PolterGoose Mon 03-Mar-14 16:41:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetteamum Mon 03-Mar-14 18:23:22

Those books look great. Thank you. I'll see if I can order them on kindle.

She knows about her Dx and I talk to her about it. Think she may do well with some work at school. She's at an asd specific, so I could speak with them about that.

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