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Not sure whether to take this further or leave it be?

(6 Posts)
itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 25-Feb-14 22:09:36

Am a memeber of a gym that has a kid's club/creche and ds age 6(asd) usually goes once a week. He usually only stays 45mins/1 hor tops and always enjoys going and generally gets on fine. when I joined the gym and signed him up I told them he had asd and was told it was no problem etc etc.

I left ds there today and when he came out I could see straight away that he was upset. He hadn't been crying but looked like he was going too. When we got outside I said "DS1 you look sad. Are you sad?" He said "Yes the lady shouted at me"

It's difficult to ask ds questions like why? what were you doing? what did she do then etc because of his speech and language delay so it's hard to get a full picture of what happened. I asked him what words did she say and he said she shouted (loudly) "DS STOP ANNOYING THE BABIES" and he told me that he told her to stop shouting at him.

I didn't go straight back in to ask what happened as he was visibly upset and very agitated and whenever I have to ask him a lot of specific questions to clarify a difficult event he will get to a point where he tells me it's time to stop talking about this now and won't say anymore.

I phoned the creche when I got home, explained what ds had told me and that he was upset and asked if they could clarify what happened. The young girl on the phone didn't know but called over to her collegue to ask if she knew anything about it. She then said "it was XX who dealt with it but she isn't here right now so I will get her to phone you tomorrow so she can explain what happened"

5 minutes later the same girl not XX phoned back to say that one of the 2 year olds had a doll with her in the soft play pit and was being over protective with it whenever ds got close so XX had shouted down for DS to come away, but only shouted because it is loud in the soft play area and gave the impression he wasn't told off. She also didn't say ds was actually doing anything to another child other than being near her.

Now the thing that is bothering me is that from ds's account he was shouted at ("ds stop annoying the babies") and he was upset. I don't think they are being honest with me and I'm pissed off that XX didn't speak to me personally to give a full account of what happened as I'm still none the wiser as to what ds was actually doing wrong. I'm annoyed noone said anything when he was handed over. I'm also annoyed that when I mentioned ds's asd she seemed none the wiser and set she'd let the other girls know too.

Is worth speaking to the manager or am I being over protective?
Sorry I know this is long and rambled

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 25-Feb-14 22:12:16

apologies for awful typo's

MadameSin Tue 25-Feb-14 22:28:38

I would leave alone. It's tricky for any child to relay exact events, add language diffuculties and it becomes more complex. I think if they had shouted in an inappropriate manner, it won't happen again as you've shown them your son talks to you and you will say something. DS may have been over sensitive to the request as the woman said it loudly. So many of these things can get lost in translation. If DS had said the woman grabbed his arm or pulled him away, that would have been a different matter …. what do you think?

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 25-Feb-14 22:36:24

I think you're right MadameSin. I keep thinking if it had been ds1 I would have been a bit annoyed, clarified with them and let it be.

Gah! I generally never jump in all guns blazing (and I was very calm on the phone certainly didn't get arsey) he just looked so sad sad usually if he's been a sod and been given a justified bollocking then he's all shirty and awkward.

youarewinning Tue 25-Feb-14 22:55:42

My Ds came home once indignant at being shouted at for sneezing when he hadn't.
Turns out that the teacher had told some other boys off for deliberately sneezing stupidly and told then to grow up or they'd lose the privilege of being offsite. (They were at swimming lessons)

I think at times the misunderstandings and social communication problems can mean our dcs misinterpret what's being said.

I would remind the crèche of his asd and how this affects him next time he goes. Then they are aware your monitoring the situation so if they were wrong in their handling they have the opportunity to correct it. And just reassure ds he's not in trouble.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Tue 25-Feb-14 23:03:14

Thanks youare, I think I will take my cue from ds who seems to have forgotten all about it now!

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