DH did a Sunday roast and thought he'd be kind and make a pudding. Rice pudding. DD2 confided in me that she hates rice pudding (she's eaten it many times without complaint. I don't like it if it's too milky, but like it if it's thicker.)
So, we're at the dinner table and rice pudding comes around. I dish out portions for everyone except DD2, having told her in advance that it isn't good manners to say how much you hate something, you just politely decline it, and allaying her fear that DH wouldn't know she didn't want it and would give her some.
DH noticed DD2 didn't have any rice pudding and the following conversation ensued:
DH: You're not having rice pudding today then, DD2?
DD2 : Er..no.
DH: Are you full?
DD2: No....oh I actually don't want to say this because it is rude....
Me: It's ok to say you don't like something, DD2, it just isn't good manners to go on about it. She doesn't like rice pudding, DH, apparently.
DH:( 
because she's eaten it lots in the past) Oh right...why not?
DD2: Umm...well...some people like it milkier and some people like it not.so.milky.
Me: Ok...which do you like, DD2?
DD2: Umm...in the middle.
Me: Ok, so if it was in the middle, would you like it?
DD2: No.
DH & I:
Me: Ok, so what don't you like about it?
DD2: Well rice is in the pudding but it's something you eat at other times with other things too and that's different.
Me: Ahh you mean that we have rice with our main meals?
DD2: Yes.
DH: So is that why you don't like it?
DD2: No.
DH & I:
Me: Ok...I'm trying really hard to understand. What is it that you don't like about rice pudding?
DD2: The texture!
DH & I : Ooohh the texture!
Me: Ok, what's the matter with the texture?
DD2: What is texture, anyway??
You couldn't make it up! 
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SN children
DD2 had me in stitches tonight
lougle · 23/02/2014 21:47
Oh that sad face wasn't meant to be there. It was a : with a ( but I forgot to add an extra space. DH wasn't sad at any point in this conversation.
Bless her
It's a funny conversation but you can almost hear the anxiety in her words that she doesn't actually know what to say or is worried about saying the wrong thing. I often have to say to Ds that it's ok to have an opinion. He just needs to be careful it's an opinion not an order.
Although his standard answer to why he doesn't like something is 'because I don't!'
Thats what Dd3 says either "because I do" or "because I dont", oh and not forgetting "because I want to"
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DS2 doesn't attempt to give explanations - he just says 'I am I and I choose not to'. He just doesn't get that he doesn't always have the power to choose - like in the classroom. I think this is what is meant by not recognising authority (as opposed to defiant rule breaking as a challenge to authority).
Dd2 sounds more like DS1 who can combine an almost shocking lack of empathy with what seems like painful sensitivity because he seems to care too much. What ds1 always seems to care about is whether somebody will be cross with him. I think it is a learned response because the reality for most of his life was that adults were cross with him because they thought that he was rude,
Spot on, Keep - she knows that she puts her foot in it because she's done it so often, but she doesn't know which bit is rude or what 'rude' is, so she's frightened to say anything at all!
I'm trying to react less when she is breathtakingly rude tactless and instead of crying gently explaining afterwards why it might be seen as rude.
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Scary, isn't it, Newblue?
Polter, it's so true. It's a real tightrope.
The bizarre thing is that after all of that, after everyone else had finished pudding, DD2 said 'can I have some?'
Polter - I am still waiting for my inner voice to kick in
The mother of one of DS2's classmates was parking at pick-up time and said hello and asked if her parking was OK. I actually looked and then said 'Well, I've seen better'. Luckily DH was there too and rescued the situation as she was genuinely offended by my honesty.
I also have to say things that I find amusing. Another mother was chatting about her friend's toddler and his aversion to buttons on clothing. I asked her 'is he Amish?' She didn't get it.
Other mothers have learned to avoid me as they find me rather disturbing
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keep I posted the other week about when I got my whiplash injury my collegue picked ds up and bought him home. She reversed into the drive. "Thank you for the lift" would have been an appropriate thing for Ds to say, but no, he said....
"Not a bad bit of parking" 
You're all brilliant
I think I'm getting a bit better as I'm getting older, possibly, but I am known for my bluntness
I just can't be doing with all that skirting around an issue. It drives me nuts.
lougle I don't like to think of myself as direct. More a busy person who doesn't have time to beat about the bush
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I told her she was.
To be fair, it was pretty obviously going to hurt - my eyebrow hairs were going to be forcibly pulled from my skin
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