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I cant do this , I completely lost it with my Ds today

(20 Posts)
yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 02:34:27

Ds5 has suspected AS/ADHD and is on Melatonin .

He has been in a foul mood for the past two days and today I just lost it with him in a bad way .

He trashed his bedroom & then my living room pouring pop all over the Carpet, Smashing ornaments & throwing stuff everywhere .
He refused to eat his Tea by trying a bit then spitting it on the floor , I saw red n dragged him upstairs to bed and left him their after about ten minutes he came downstairs & whipped me across the face with it , I now have a mark and a cut on my cheek .
He showed no sympathy at all and just carried on as though nothing had happened so I got him to pack an over night bag and I had to send him to my mums before I ended up smacking him sad

I cant do this i cant even stand to be round Ds because of his mood swings , i have to tiptoe round him and I shouldn't have to

DavidHarewoodsFloozy Sat 15-Feb-14 03:37:36

I,m sorry, I have no experience, (can,t sleep), didn,t want to leave you unanswered until others get here.

brew cake & thanks.

PolterGoose Sat 15-Feb-14 04:42:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handywoman Sat 15-Feb-14 07:31:12

brew and cake for yolo is he getting support at school?

PolterGoose Sat 15-Feb-14 08:49:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magso Sat 15-Feb-14 09:49:26

(Hugs) Hope you got some sleep. I think you managed very well. You got him somewhere safe to cool down (and then moved him to another place of safety once that did not work), avoided hitting him, despite being physically attacked and having your things broken. Are you getting any support? If it is not too late take some pictures of your injuries and the damage to the house. I find professionals understand pictures better - (rather than dismissing house trashing as all children are messy/clumsy which is clearly not the difficulty here).

AliceinWinterWonderland Sat 15-Feb-14 11:35:49

Hope you're feeling a bit better today after some sleep. It's so stressful sometimes dealing with the mood swings. My 7yo DS1 can swing wildly from one mood to the next as well.

You said he's on Melatonin, which I am assuming is at night for sleeping. Is he on any meds during the day? I'm not horribly familiar with them as my DS1 isn't able to take the ADHD meds, but there are some parents on here whose children are taking different meds for this.

What do you generally do when he goes into meltdown or a rage? Any specific strategies that seem more helpful than others?

Definitely take pictures if you can. If there's any way to video when he gets this way (not in an obvious way, or it will most likely make the situation worse), like with your mobile or a well placed video camera just in case (with a remote). Again, it's difficult to do, I know, but video evidence is harder for the medical professionals to ignore.

yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 12:44:27

Thanks everybody

I'm having a hard time with professionals at the moment as they all seem to think he is how he is because I'm so young (I'm 26) so can't possibly know what I'm doing hmm
The Melatonin has stopped working so he is sleeping on average 2 hours per night and sometimes not even that .

I have tried every strategy going , we have recently been doing a sticker chart which was going well but that's not working now either, he has had practically every toy confiscated and told he has to earn them back but I can't see that happening anytime soon .

Its impossible to video Ds I have been trying for over a year and after him breaking two phones so I can't video him I have given in .

AliceinWinterWonderland Sat 15-Feb-14 12:56:14

There is a slow release melatonin available, perhaps that might work better for him? Worth asking, anyway.

yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 13:30:21

The slow release is what he is on 4mg I think

ouryve Sat 15-Feb-14 13:33:12

cakecakecake yolo

It's bloody hard and you're human. It's especially hard when you are being physically attacked and have to contain your own adrenaline fuelled self preservation responses.

I'm a big fan of keeping a diary when I need to work something out, strategy wise. I like to dissect events, to work out what the triggers were - often there's more than one. For example, my eldest can be simmering for days, like yours, because there's an event at school that's increasing his anxiety over and above his normal hyper-vigilant levels. It takes something small to trigger the explosion, though - eg having rain blowing in his face, DS2 crying or screaming, not being able to find a remote control.... It's not always possible to do much about the immediate triggers, other than making sure things are put away properly, etc, but sometime it becomes clear that a regular event, or certain days at school put him on edge and make him a lot more snippy.

DS1 has never responded well to positive or negative reinforcement. Star charts bore him very quickly, as he feels pressurised by them and sees not getting a star as a negative event - though, at your DS's age, would equally go out of his way to find out what happens if you don't get a star. All pretty counter-productive. He never cared about having toys removed. If it was gone, it was gone. At any rate, even now, at 10, he doesn't really link a punishment to an event, so things are only confiscated if there is a close link between that thing and the behaviour concerned, eg, he's used a car to gouge furniture (cars go) or is fighting with his brother over lego (lego goes).

Phrasing of requests is something I've found makes a big difference to his response. If I ask him "can we have the table ready for tea, please" 4 times out of 5, he'll put everything away. DH typically tells him "tidy up". 4 times out of 5, he loudly and angrily refuses (changing DH's behaviour, in this respect, seems to be no easier than changing DS1's!) The problem for DS1 with "tidy up" is that, firstly, it's a demand made by somebody else and demands make him panic because he feels out of control. Secondly, it's an activity with no end point. He feels like he could be tidying up forever. Having the table ready for tea is something that he has a stake in, as he wants his tea. The work he needs to do also has a clear end point - a clear table.

A policy I do have, when DS1 is in meltdown, is sticking to as few words as necessary - only use the words necessary to keep him and others safe. They only feed his rage, otherwise, particularly when my own stress is coming through in my voice.

I'm a grizzled, greying 44, btw. Age definitely has nothing to do with it. Plenty of parents younger than you have no difficult behaviours from their children.

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sat 15-Feb-14 13:35:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sat 15-Feb-14 13:42:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 13:57:33

I will try phrasing things differently , everything else I have tried over and over again .

He isnt in a main stream school as he would not cope with the class sizes etc so I have had to put him in a prep school with small class sizes .

He isn't on the liquid melatonin , he is on the tablets and has been for a year as my Doctor insisted their was no other form of it hmm

sickofsocalledexperts Sat 15-Feb-14 16:23:17

I would go to CAMHS and ask for a behavioural intervention called ABA - don't let them fob you off straight away with medication, as the newly released NICE Quality Standards on autism say they MUST try a behavioural approach before medication. Take a diary of all challenging behaviours in a week and see what they offer you. A child should not be whipping his mother, whatever his reason and whatever her age! And I speak as a mum of hugely advanced age with a very severely autistic boy, also hyperactive, also with Learning diffs. Good luck!

yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 16:45:41

Thanks Sick I'll try and tackle my GP while he is off school this week

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sat 15-Feb-14 17:19:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sat 15-Feb-14 17:24:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yolothankgod Sat 15-Feb-14 19:50:00

The sticker chart was working the positive reinforcement every time he did something good he got a sticker straight away and it worked up until this week when he just went off the rails .
He has had to wear glasses for the past year as he has 10% vision in his right eye - it has taken me a year to get him to wear them and he had to have the prescription strength doubled because he would not wear them .
He has gone off all his favourite foods and pretty much all food so I'm at a loss with that .

Its also very hard to restrain him as he was on steroids for the first 3 years of his life so is twice the size of an average 5yo

AliceinWinterWonderland Sat 15-Feb-14 19:57:42

I think it's always good to note that we all get stressed over this type of thing. It can be so frustrating. And I will be the first to admit that I'm not above a bit of bribery when I'm tired and stressed and at the end of my tether. grin

There's a huge difference between a 3-4 year old and when they hit 5, 6, 7, and above and start to really get taller and stronger and more difficult to just "pick up and relocate." The whole dynamic shifts drastically IMO. I'm still struggling with DS1 on this, as he's 7yo and getting quite tall and strong. But I'm desperate to get certain behaviour controls in place before he hits those pre-teen years. It's a bit scary.

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