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DS and lack of empathy! Any tips please.......

(12 Posts)
twainiac Fri 14-Feb-14 16:08:13

Hi,
My DS is 7, no official diagnosis, but has social communication difficulties and traits of autism.
Something has just happened that has made it crashingly obvious how little empathy he has - a friend has just told me her Dad is very ill and all DS can say is 'If he dies will you cry forever?' and 'when you get back can I come round for tea?'
I was mortified, my friend doesn't know DS has specific difficulties, and I think she was too upset to really hear what he said, but - help! I know this is the perfect opportunity to do a social story but I have no idea where to start. Does anyone have any tips please? I will look at ordering a book, but I would like to strike while the iron is hot and do a story straight away.
I know it's not his fault, but what I really want to say to DS 'don't you get it? The lady is upset!' But that's just it, he doesn't get it, and that makes me sad.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading x

Ineedmorepatience Fri 14-Feb-14 17:29:52

Its very hard when there is no clear diagnosis isnt it. Dd3 has always said whatever pops into her head but since she was diagnosed with Asd we have been in a much better place to support her.

Remember he probably has absolutely no idea of the impact of his words on other people.

LastingLight Fri 14-Feb-14 18:10:00

My (mostly) NT daughter might have said that at 7. It's of course a teachable moment, but don't attribute it solely to his difficulties.

PolterGoose Fri 14-Feb-14 19:00:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twainiac Sat 15-Feb-14 21:49:27

Thanks everyone!
Hmmmm, maybe I expected a bit too much of him then. Perhaps it's a difficult situation to grasp for any child. However, I don't think he was displaying empathy - more of a learned response iykwim. And, I thought he should have had more empathy towards my friend, ie understanding that implying her Father might die would upset her. We had a good chat about it, I don't think he 'got' it, but maybe he will remember something from the situation.
I've still been thinking about a social story, but find it so hard to pin point what exactly it is I want him to take away from this......... Does that make sense? I guess some issues are more black and white, therefore easier to get across.

Ineedmorepatience Sat 15-Feb-14 21:56:13

I have never had any success with social stories, Dd3 shuts her eyes and puts her fingers in her ears if she even vaguely suspects that I am going to try to modify her behaviour/reactions in any way shape or form.

Hope you can find a way forward smile

twainiac Sat 15-Feb-14 22:36:34

I need - lol, he does, infact, do similar :-) However, somehow I managed to get him to listen....... He hates talking about things when he perceives he has done wrong!

TOWIE2014 Sat 15-Feb-14 23:01:20

My NT DD2 (now grown up) would have said something similar at 7 too - in fact she did say something much much worse at 8 (which I'm not going to repeat on here cos I know she's a mumsnetter!)

Sometimes it's really hard to work out when it's caused by a DC's disability or whether it is just immaturity. Or whether it's both.

My DS (ADHD/dyslexia/dysprexia/language problems) is 10 and has only just (this week!) learnt a tiny amount of empathy towards other people. Whether that's because of his disabilities or because of more maturity I really can't say.

Sorry - don't have any solutions - just empathy for inappropriate comments!

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sun 16-Feb-14 12:31:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RightRoyalPainInTheArse Sun 16-Feb-14 12:32:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twainiac Sun 16-Feb-14 20:57:27

Thank you RightRoyal - I will get that then, was looking at it recently anyway. That's a good point actually, i hadn't thought about what he could learn through fiction. Hmmmm, more food for thought!

veryconfused2 Sun 16-Feb-14 23:39:37

Try a book called "teaching children with autism to mind read". http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0471976237
It is very good, there are basically lots of pictures in it with the faces blank in the picture and the child has to work out what emotion the people in the picture are feeling and explain why (there is a choice of 4 emotions)

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