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Now my Ds has stopped going to sch false stop !

(14 Posts)
Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 19:40:25

I have a huge problem, ds will not go to school.
Always been anxious at sch door since nursery always said he doesn't want to go to school, but always goes, well used to.

I'm doing the routine , the timers , the prompts, rewards, time off computer,doing school work at home he will not go in.

The actual not being able to get him in started in November , once it twice a week, horrendous ordeal of him being forced to my car and then forced out at the other end. Teachers also contributed to this. The first time it happened I told the teacher to leave it it's not right and she said no as then he has won.

I cannot get him to sch unless I use physical force and that will go on for a long time and basically he and I are exhausted.

I'm not doing it anymore and I'm not forcing him to car to be forced out at other end.

Anyway since November it has got worse and worse. He is mostly just late but he has missed 4 whole days off school now.

Have I made it worse by giving up, but the only way I can successfully get him in is by force so what can I do?

He gets dressed As usual everything is done as usually I never imply that he can have the day off.

He's petrified of school. I can't bear his little crying face when I have left him to be forced in by senco and other staff.

School say when he is there he is fine .

Is he fine, how can he be fine?

Am I making it worse as he ain't never going back to school as far as he is concerned.

We have a camhs appointment in march thank The Lord and I hope they can help .

School have done nothing! Not even a phone call from senco this week or last. He has bee off all day this week , last weeks half days and one full day.

Private Dx- hfa

Handywoman Wed 12-Feb-14 19:43:54

This is horrendous skylar so sorry. It has been coming for some time. Listen to your gut - his needs are simply not being met. Others will come along with advice on how to deal with school / LEA but you are doing the right thing. Hope your employer is being understanding.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 19:46:50

Thanks handy I'm
Just questioning myself if I am doing right thing but I don't know what else to do.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 19:52:15

Employer is pissed but putting on brave face. Job is stressful to which doesn't help and I'm slacking now. If I lose my job I lose my car too as it's company car.

I resorted to taking Ds to sisters today as had to go to work.

ToffeeWhirl Wed 12-Feb-14 20:15:10

Don't force him in. The school are absolutely wrong in saying you should force him and he'll have 'won' if he doesn't go in.

My son ended up having online tuition at home, run by the LEA. It took six months to set up though and I had to badger the school to send me work for him to do at home in the meantime. Your son is entitled to have support from the LEA, with teachers coming to him or him attending a 'learning centre'/Pupil Referral Unit. There's some info here (random council website chosen - I think they all do something similar).

I don't know what you do about your work. I'm so sorry. I haven't been able to work full time for a long time for exactly this reason. It's easier now that DS1 is older and can be left for a while, but it was impossible when he was much younger.

Does your son have a statement?

ToffeeWhirl Wed 12-Feb-14 20:18:28

Ah, I see that you've applied for a statement. Good.

Am sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

You really do have my sympathy. It is an incredibly stressful situation.

Levantine Wed 12-Feb-14 20:29:57

Skylar I have been following your other threads. I am so sorry, it sounds awful. Your poor ds. Is there anyone else who could be with your ds during the day at all? I work too and one of my fears is that it will come to this with my ds, you have all my sympathy, I just wish I had some better suggestions

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 20:38:51

Thanks for the link toffee
Thanks to levantine
I guessing just feeling a little wobbly and actually just hearing people say it's not my fault is good.
This is normal behaviour isn't it. My family are mostly very supportive. I didn't like the feeling of sending him to my sisters as I felt as if it was all over iyswim...if I can't get him to sch tomorrow he will go again tomorrow, I'm
Off Friday and all of half term.
Thanks for your support.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 20:45:13

There's nothing for boys like my Ds, stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place . Academically his levels are just below average, he is level 1b all round but reading 2b. Year 3. And has made progress.he doesn't behave badly in class.

He does a worry box, also now doing a happy box, saw suggestion on MN think it's was polter, so we can also focus on good things. Hopefully use it for sch when he goes .

Last night in his worry box he drew a picture of him at schOol, he drew lots of stick people sitting down and shouting and him sitting at a table alone with a speech bubble saying quiet.
He then wrote I have no friends. He does have one good friend. Maybe this friend has wanted to play with someone else recently.
Before he went to sleep he looked up at ceiling and said 'something's not right about me mummy'

Levantine Wed 12-Feb-14 21:06:23

Oh Skylar. Can I ask if he knows about his diagnosis? I think polter has some good recommendations of resources to help you discuss it with him. You both need some support. I hope you get someone good at CAMHS. We went to CAMHS pre diagnosis, and they came to school to have a meeting with us. It did really help. They couldn't offer us much more at that point, but post dx we have been referred again.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 21:10:01

He doesn't ,not yet. I hope our camhs are as supportive as yours. Thanks

Levantine Wed 12-Feb-14 21:17:12

Well, there wasn't much on offer but they did at least give school a kick up the arse. Maybe think about telling him. My ds knows about the ADHD part of his diagnosis and it has definitely helped.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 21:23:13

Yes it's just knowing how and in a way that he will understand. I'm going to wait for nhs dx in May and then tell him.

Skylar123 Wed 12-Feb-14 21:24:04

I believe Ds will see physchatrists as camhs ?

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