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I have a dilemma about changing our lives.

(9 Posts)
neverputasockinatoaster Sun 09-Feb-14 13:43:25

DS is 9. He is in year 4. He has an ASD.
I work part time as a teacher. I am really struggling to cope with being a teacher in the current climate while being DS's mum. I also have DD who is 6 and who has a massive range of sensory issues - mostly related to clothing. Her issues make getting out f the house in the morning a huge shitty nightmare.
I also have DH. He has soooooo many As tendencies it isn't true.
We have pretty much decided that I will be resigning so that I cease to be a teacher at the end of the academic year.
My issue/dilemma is to do with moving schools. Currently ds and dd go to school in the town I work in. This is because we live in one county and I work in another. Holidays can differ wildly. It is a 20 mile drive so once I am not working it will not be viable to keep them there.
I have contacted the local school I want them to go to. I mentioned the ASD as I felt we needed, if we go with our plan, to help ds with transition. I have a horrible feeling they will be conveniently 'full'. They are an academy.
Ds has been at his school since he started. Academically he is doing very well. Socially not so much. The school does have an issue with bullying. However Ds has a group of children that look out for him - mostly girls- and he is mostly settled at school. He does have an issue with the teacher he will have next year and he is worrying about that already.
DD hates change. She still cries about the fact that we replaced her clothes rack thing with a wardrobe two years ago. The current school don't bat an eyelid if she turns up with no socks on and, despite a tie being part of the uniform DD rarely wears hers. This might be due to me, in floods of stress induced tears, telling the HT that if wearing a tie was so important then he could get DD into hers.
Tomorrow I am going in to their current school to take part in their staff meeting on ASD. I am giving the thoughts of a parent on how school events impact on home life.
If I don't stop my job I will make myself ill. That won't be good for the children. But is moving their school really the right thing to do?

zzzzz Sun 09-Feb-14 14:54:23


You will be home and less tired and able to "hold it together" (which is what it sounds like you do) for everyone without such a huge effort.

The new school will be a new start. Be brave, and optimistic. We made a huge change last September and the children have really benefited (and we are all much happier).

neverputasockinatoaster Sun 09-Feb-14 15:06:27

Thank you.

Yes, I am the glue. I am knackered. I struggle to perform even the most rudimentary tasks beyond feeding everybody (badly) and making sure there are clean clothes. Currently the spare room bed is covered in a mountain of clean washing and my side of the bedroom has become an alternative laundry basket.

I need to change something. I just feel so selfish.

popgoestheweezel Sun 09-Feb-14 15:26:23

You cannot look after anyone else effectively if your needs are not being met. The best and most unselfish thing you can do is make sure you are OK.
To stay as you are will make you ill and that will have devastating implications for the children. With preparation and support that you will be able to provide because you'll have the energy they will be able to manage the transition and they will settle better because you will be better too.

2boysnamedR Sun 09-Feb-14 15:57:52

I work four days a week and I can see that if I gave up my job everyone would benefit. It's hard enough working and having nt kids. No one can do both well forever. I am at the cusp of making a big change. I'm just not as brave about it as I need to be

magso Sun 09-Feb-14 17:30:21

I would agree with the others that you must do what is right for your health and wellbeing in order to stay able to continue to be the Mum you need to be. Ds (ASD/LD) was 9 when I became very ill and a change of lifestyle was forced upon us, so I speak from bitter experience! My son did struggle with the unplanned change ( in his case his mum changed from able to unwell rather than his school) but he settled in the end.
Your son will hopefully be changing schools in time to meet new peers some of whom will move with him to secondary.
You may find after everyone is settled and your energy has returned, that you would like to work part time/ occasionally, and I am sure there will be opportunities, so it does not mean you will loose your own life. I now work one part day a week ( and fill in occasionally as needed if and when it suits me - fitted around family needs) which is very different to full time. Good luck!

PolterGoose Sun 09-Feb-14 17:33:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neverputasockinatoaster Sun 09-Feb-14 17:47:53

DH is brilliant. He is the organiser, the juggler of funds, the manager of money.
I said on one day I didn't think I could cope with working any more and the next day he came home with spread sheets and scenarios about how we'd manage.
He will have to give up his very expensive hobby. That's huge for him.
The stressing and worrying are all down to me though!

PolterGoose Sun 09-Feb-14 18:32:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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