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Today I handled a situation very badly

(8 Posts)
noslimbody Sat 08-Feb-14 01:26:12

Ds is 11 and is HF ASD with ADHD. He was chatting with his 4 year old sister, and she fell over and landed on his chest, he was lying on the
floor. He then pushed her off and she ran off crying. I didn't see properly what happened and told him he must be careful with his sister because she is 7 years younger than him, and could get hurt more easily. He understands what I am saying but obviously took it to mean "You hurt your sister on purpose and are a bad and terrible boy" I apologised afterwards, and tried to explain but it was too late. He spent the evening in tears, and I ruined his day sad
Sorry I don't expect any replies just feeling awful and stressed about it. He relies on me to understand him, to help him with his anxieties, and now look what I did! sad

Ineedmorepatience Sat 08-Feb-14 08:34:47

Dont beat yourself up no we all get it wrong sometimes.

You sound like a great mum, you have apologised now move on. Do something nice today and get back to normal. I have already said this once the week but on here we are all amazing parents but we are human and are allowed to make a few mistakes.

Have a lovely day and good luck smile

PolterGoose Sat 08-Feb-14 10:16:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2boysnamedR Sat 08-Feb-14 11:52:50

I don't think you handled it badly. It's a learning curve. I caused a meltdown six months ago which looking back was my fault. I learnt something new from it, and I'm pretty sure I will do things differently next time.

zzzzz Sat 08-Feb-14 13:02:45

I think the message is good, because we all know the difference in weight/strength is only going to widen and he has to learn to curb it always. It's difficult because, given his dx, you need to be simple and direct to avoid confusion, BUT normally the revoltingly named "shit sandwich" is your pest ploy with pre-teens.

Ie Good/bad/good
Your sister should have been more careful not to squash you, are you alright. / You must be gentle even though she's maddening you are so much stronger than her. / Well done for not getting angry.

I don't know how you morph that for your ds.

Try not to dwell on it yourself. Pre-teens are like this EVEN without ASD in the mix.

Honk honk

bochead Sat 08-Feb-14 14:05:30

It was a more painful lesson than you intended, but one he needed to learn so do not beat yourself up. Hopefully he'll need no more reminders going forward. Maybe bake some cakes or do something else where he can "help" his younger sibling today so you can all smile and rebond?

Jacksterbear Sat 08-Feb-14 14:41:17

Sounds like you did fine to me. Sometimes whatever you say it will be "wrong"!

I am forever dealing with incidents like this between my 2 (DS = 7, SPD & ASD, short fuse, prone to impulsive lashing out but uber-sensitive to criticism; DD = 3 and winds DS up!).

I tend to go with "I know you didn't mean to hurt her and I know she was annoying you, but you must try really hard to be gentle" type stuff. Even so he often gets hysterical in response!

zzzzz's shit sandwich suggestion is great! grin

lougle Sat 08-Feb-14 17:51:15

You did a great thing. You can't protect your DS from feeling bad if he's done something wrong, even if it was accidental.

It feels awful but you're helping him to understand that he is growing bigger and stronger.

I hope he's calmed down by now and you can have some nice moments to soften the impact.

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