Please tell me this is just words.

[Holycowiloveyoureyes]

DS when stressed out/kicking off has started shouting that he wants to die or is going to kill himself :(

He's often told us he's going to kill us when he's having a meltdown but I've ignored it, putting it down to him lashing out. But him saying it about himself breaks my heart.

We've been at a friend's after school, there were 9 kids there so it was noisy! He did so well, until the Wii came out. He can't play the games well so kept losing and ended up throwing the controller down and sscreaming and punching me in the face. He then said he'll throw himself down the stairs and kill himself. I got him calmed down but on the way home he was so upset with himself, saying he's naughty and no one likes him and he wants to die.
At home he needed to lay in the dark as the light was hurting his eyes. He lay sobbing saying he's stupid cos he couldn't do the game, he hates it, never wants to play again, he's useless etc.

I don't think he realises what he means by saying he wants to die. Is he just using the words because he doesn't know what else to say to cope with his stress? I'm in pieces here worrying about him :(

Sorry, that was long.

[Holycowiloveyoureyes]

Yes, he is an extreme emotions child. If he's happy, he's really happy, sad, he's sobbing, angry, he is violent. If he hurts himself he carries on like he's broken his leg!

Have got The Explosive child, will dig it out.

Good to hear someone else experiences this, what you say about not understanding the subtleties of emotions makes sense.

Thank you.

[ouryve]

DS1 went through a phase of he was going to kill whoever. I was devastated, when he first said that. Cried all night. It's become apparent, though, that it's merely an expression of the intensity of his current distress, but he doesn't have any more appropriate words for it. His expression of distress, lately, is much more centred on being unhappy, or fed up, with everything.

[ouryve]

The Huebner WTDWY Grumble Too Much book deals with negative thoughts, btw.

[blueeyedmonster]

It's heartbreaking hearing your child say that. Ds was 3 the first time he said he wanted to die. I was in bits for ages after. Pregnancy hormones probably didn't help. He says some truly explicitly violent things to me when he is cross but telling me he wants to die/kill himself is the worst thing to hear.
I have to take it as just words. I figure its the only way he can voice how he's feeling at that time.

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

DS2 says it as well, when in full meltdown. I've never thought he actually means it. He's a cup completely full to overflowing or cup completely empty sort of child. His TAs at school get quite concerned about it but it's just him having trouble controlling his emotions. We've been working on the amazing 5 point scale to give him some words to describe the middle ground and for him to recognise what should be irritating, annoying, upsetting and devasting instead of going straight to devasting!

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

Posted too soon. Trouble with DS2 is that he can understand that there are levels of upset, can number them etc, but as soon as he's the slightest bit upset that 'academic knowledge' goes out of the window and he's straight up to devastated.

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

Devastating, not devasting.

[Levantine]

My ds does this too and it is definitely related to not really understanding emotions. However I do think he does also get very sad at the realisation that he is not like other children, he feels like his told off at school a lot (he isn't, I think it is his internal voice criticising him for not being able to sit still etc).

The vg paediatrician that we saw last week said taht children with asd are at risk of depression and so it might still be appropriate to get professional support on top of those other strategies.