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How to prepare a child for the death of a loved one

(14 Posts)
claw2 Thu 06-Feb-14 22:48:24

Ds 9. Does anyone know of any books or websites?

SallyBear Fri 07-Feb-14 06:49:28

I would contact your local paediatric hospice or Macmillan Nursing Team. They will have have loads of experience and will certainly point you in the right direction.

claw2 Fri 07-Feb-14 07:13:50

Thanks Sallybear, I will ask Macmillan nurse, I will be seeing her on Monday.

Ds has a counsellor in school already, who will be there if he needs it. I just wanted to try and deal with it a bit more casually if that makes sense.

NewBlueCoat Fri 07-Feb-14 12:24:33

Macmillan nurses are fab, and are definitely the best people to ask.

There must be some books that deal with it too - think we had one called 'heaven' at one point.

<is everything ok, claw?>

StarlightMcKingsThree Fri 07-Feb-14 12:54:15

Hi Claw, I'm sorry to hear this. Real life difficulties don't stop just because you have a child with SN do they?

OneInEight Fri 07-Feb-14 13:05:53

Ask at your local library - I know ours has some books for children that cover death. BUPA surprisingly do some very good booklets on cancer for children - not sure whether they cover death though.

Our boys found the withdrawal of Granny more difficult than the death of their Grandpa as not surprisingly she was very upset & Grandpa, bless him, had many wonderful attributes but child-friendly was not one of them (lots of AS traits himself).

ds1 also worries very much about getting cancer himself so has needed quite a lot of reassurance about that.

Sunnymeg Fri 07-Feb-14 13:59:02

DS was 10 when his Grandpa died. We were just very honest with him. We told him that Grandpa was getting more and more tired and his body was shutting down because he had cancer. We told DS that there would come a time when Grandpa was still alive but it might be better if he didn't see him anymore. When that day came I knew that it would be the last time DS visited, but I didn't tell him until we were on the way back home. It was exactly a week before my Dad died and I'm glad we made that decision. In the last few days he would visibly deteriorate in the space of a couple of hours. I got DS to write down his favourite memories of Grandpa and we read these out at the funeral.

claw2 Fri 07-Feb-14 18:52:20

Thanks everyone, it looks like my mum will be coming here, my dad has said he cannot cope and they dont have the room at their flat for equipment needed.

She still very much has her wits about her, just very tired, weak, not eating and having difficulties with her mobility (spread to her spine).

Ds knows that she has cancer and that she is in hospital. However he has no idea what cancer actually is or that nan is dying.

I don't want to have a 'formal' sit down conversation with him, I thought it better to just kind of speak about it in a general way, maybe leave some books about, that kind of thing.

claw2 Fri 07-Feb-14 18:54:17

No Star it doesn't, shit happens, what can you do.

Levantine Fri 07-Feb-14 18:58:30

Claw I am so sorry. Mil died of cancer last year, and fil just a few months later. I'm sure you will have already thought of this but ds1's tendency was to fill in the gaps with what he could think of. So he was worried about going into the living room in their house in case the germs in there would kill him. I ended up telling him more about their causes of death than I had thought I would, but I think it helped.

claw2 Fri 07-Feb-14 19:12:59

Thanks Levan. I haven't actually thought about how he will react until now.

Things weren't looking quite so bad until last night.

PolterGoose Fri 07-Feb-14 19:21:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2boysnamedR Fri 07-Feb-14 19:31:38

So sorry claw. I guess you partly have to tell him as you go. I'm still trying to tell ds he is not like the other kids and never will be. It's the odd short chat here and there. As each thing comes up.

Massive hugs to you and lots of strength being passed your way

Levantine Fri 07-Feb-14 19:34:01

Oh claw, I was thinking about your ds and not about you. I am so sorry. Big hug.

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