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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Got to tell someone and I know you ladies will keep my secret for a few days!

(18 Posts)
Sahkoora Wed 05-Feb-14 09:41:01

Oh dear. Think I just got a line on a pregnancy test.

After the worst year EVER and DS1 still not being fully sorted out, this is possibly not a great time. Plus I'm worried as hell about having another child with an ASD, and having 3 kids at all.

I'm also worried that no one else will think this is a good idea, and that when i tell people, they will be negative and I'll feel awful.

I have not had great pregnancies in the past, went to hospital with hyperemesis last time and just spent most of the time feeling sick and crap. But I do love babies and at least I haven't got to get up and do a school run every morning any more!

There must be people here who have gone on to have more kids after an ASD diagnosis. Please tell me this isn't going to destroy our family!

ouryve Wed 05-Feb-14 10:17:52


zzzzz Wed 05-Feb-14 10:30:58

Ds1 is the middle of 5.....grin there would be more if I wasn't such an old hag.

OneInEight Wed 05-Feb-14 10:33:59

Congratulations - love the tiny baby stage myself too but luckily too old to go there again. Many of us have two children with ASD or AS and we survive. You love your son. You will love the new baby too whatever comes.

Sahkoora Wed 05-Feb-14 10:40:35

Oh dear, reading that back it sounds really negative, and I am pleased. Just surprised and a bit worried about how I will cope with 3.

But then, DS1 will be back at school by the time DC3 comes and will be taxied there so I still won't have to worry about a school run!

zzzzz Wed 05-Feb-14 10:43:03

It will be lovely. envy

Congratulations. grin

Levantine Wed 05-Feb-14 10:47:27

Oooh congratulations!! You will adapt whatever happens. I would love a little baby to put in a sling again, but we're done here. Lucky you grin

AtYourCervix Wed 05-Feb-14 10:47:54


(very envy my body clock is having another massive last gasp attempt to convince me another would be a marvellous idea)

lougle Wed 05-Feb-14 10:50:20

Congratulations Sakhoora. We had terrible timing, tbh. I was 11 weeks pregnant with DD3 when I was told DD1 had SN, and 13 weeks pregnant when she suddenly started falling over for no reason (epilepsy). So....not perfect, but we muddled through and now it is a bit easier, because DD3 is 4 and she's a grown up 4, so she's quite helpful.

StarlightMcKingsThree Wed 05-Feb-14 11:33:23

I have 3. Second came just as first was being diagnosed so wasn't exactly a choice.

Third came as a plan and though I can't lie and say it is easy, what's hard about it is hugely outweighed by what is good.

I think the only way to stay sane though is to let the 3rd bring up themselves. At 20months DS goes to bed in my arms each night when he finally stops toddling around and falls asleep on the carpet. He feeds himself, his adult chair (hardly bothered with high chairs this time, lap and then normal chair) and the carpet most of the time. CBeebies is on every day............................

He's the calmest and cleverist of them all (despite his slight speech delay which we is why I now turn on cbeebies - don't underestimate it). The other two adore him some of the time and push him when they don't which is usually very much deserved.

But I love having three.

Sahkoora Wed 05-Feb-14 12:57:02

That sounds lovely, Starlight, and very much my parenting philosophy too. My DH is of the "we'll get through it, it will be fine" school of thought, it's just me that's having the minor freakout.

As I write this, though, DS has just had a horrendous meltdown (thanks to the useless home tutoring the LA have given us) and attacked me with a plastic chair. DC3 is going to need to be a hardy one, I think!

NewBlueCoat Wed 05-Feb-14 13:23:06

I have 3.

dd1 has severe ASD, and was dx'd at 2.8, 3 months after dd2 was born (obviously we knew she had issues when we decided to have dd2).

I would have had no.3 after a similar 2 year gap, but we were really in hell at that point (statementing and schools, and dd2 was hardly an easy toddler - now undergoing assessment too) and dh said no.

ds came along 5 years later - he is now 18 months - and is the easiest yet. Still has issues (his initial assessment for delayed speech and other issues is on Friday), but really the easiest baby out of the 3, and a sunnier toddler you'd be hard pushed to find. A real delight all round.

and pregnancy-wise - I had severe hyperemesis with pregnancies 1 and 2. with number 3 I didn't even get morning sickness until I was about 12 weeks gone, and even then, I 'just' felt nauseous all day rather than being sick all day. I think I was sick twice in total! again, the easiest pregnancy by far (apart form me feeling old and past it).

I didn't know how well it would work out - dd1 had some extreme regressions when dd2 came along, and dd2 has some major confidence issues so I was worried about making her the middle child, iyswim, but it has been fine. It has it's moments, obviously, and we are hampered by the age difference a little (dd1 is now 9, dd2 is 7 and so restaurants/cinema/etc were things we were doing before ds came along) but it is fab overall.


sammythemummy Wed 05-Feb-14 13:34:27


I think we all share/have shared your fears. We planned our dd2 while dd1 was under the salt. I do worry from time to time but I think siblings will be good for my dd so hence why deciding number 2. It is hard, poor baby keeps getting really hard kisses on the cheek, but they do seem to love each other.

I'm watching dd2 like a hawk, observing every detail asking myself is she nt is she not?... Poor child is only 3 months

I'm already planning for dc3 before I see any issues with dd2... That way I can't change my mind lol

Sahkoora Wed 05-Feb-14 13:46:22

Funny you should say that, Sammy, but that's part of the reason we haven't been as careful as we should. I keep being paranoid (?) about DS2, seeing ASD signs every five mins. He's 2 now, and I think I want to have my third before I know for sure that he has it too. I don't think i could justify it to myself if I thought I had to go through everything we've been through with DS1 all over again.

Very glad to hear you had relatively little sickness with #3 NewBlueCoat. I'm terrified of that happening all over again!

Strongecoffeeismydrug Wed 05-Feb-14 13:49:22

I've got a new 2 day old wink.
My 3rd child, ds middle child has severe asd and severe learning difficulties.
Nobody thought I was strange to have another and my thinking is if she's neurotypical she will be loved
If she has asd she will be loved just the same wink.

StarlightMcKingsThree Wed 05-Feb-14 14:32:28

Wow! Congratulations coffee. That went quick. Hope you and babe doing well.

PolterGoose Wed 05-Feb-14 14:35:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handywoman Wed 05-Feb-14 15:54:21

Ah congrats to you both, coffee and sakhoora

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