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Not bottom wiping.

(25 Posts)
HugAndRoll Wed 29-Jan-14 10:03:26

Ds1 is coming up to 6 and in y1 ms school. He has hfa, hypotonia and hypermobility in hands and elbows.

He doesn't wipe his bottom after a poo anywhere unless he is told. Even then, if it's a softer one that's a bit messy, he physically struggles and cannot seem to do it and ends op making more of a mess.

Luckily he normally poos at home, however both on Thursday and yesterday he came home from school covered in poo. I had to wash him and prise his bum cheeks apart as they had stuck together, he'd been sat in it for a while.

Saw senco as his teacher is very unapproachable (told her today that ds now has a chew buddy as he's licking and chewing inappropriate things and she's already told the senco he doesn't lick or chew! Erm, I think I know him better than her and if a lamppost isn't in appropriate what is?). She's not sure how to tackle the poo issue as ds doesn't have a statement (will be applying for SA) and is on school action plus.

Anyone got any tips for him a) actually doing it and b) gaining the ability to do it. Even talked through it's like his arm doesn't do what it should be. Help! He must be so uncomfortable.

Mollychoppy Wed 29-Jan-14 10:12:00

I wouldn't overly worry too much about this. Dd1 has ADHD and no other issues and I did it for her until yr1/yr2 and then it seemed like she just did it herself gradually. I still helped her if she had upset stomach but other than that she just seemed to learn - even if it meant she used half a toilet roll and a full pack of wet wipes!!!

zzzzz Wed 29-Jan-14 10:13:33

He doesn't need a statement for them to accommodate him. Write to the head explaining that he needs help toileting to access education. Specify what level of help he needs. Ask them to write back with a named member of staff he should approach/who should facilitate. This is non-negotiable.

As far as teaching the technique we have found hyper-mobile hands (ds's hurt on pressure and are floppy) are a huge barrier to effective wiping. As is understanding and compliance. I think all you can do is keep trying, though I was wondering yesterday if there was a gizmo that might help designed for the elderly/rheumatic?

PolterGoose Wed 29-Jan-14 10:18:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HugAndRoll Wed 29-Jan-14 13:45:37

zzzzz I didn't think of a gizmo type thing as his fingers bend back at slight pressure it may be a good idea.

I will write the letter as suggested but am open to any hints or tips in case they say no.

minionmadness Wed 29-Jan-14 14:29:44

No advise... Just to say that we still wipe dts1's 5.10 (ASD) bum, although his issues are do with being terrified of getting poo on his hands. I'm almost positive he could physically do it, although not sure until we resolve the terror of the above.

Does he forget, or has he given up trying because he finds it so physically difficult.

Your ds shouldn't need a statement to access help from school either.

HugAndRoll Wed 29-Jan-14 15:03:35

That's not his only issue which is why we have been advised by his SNHV to apply for SA. He doesn't think to wipe. He doesn't "feel" when he's dirty so another thing (which isn't so much of an issue at his age) is he would have food on his mouth all day if we didn't send him to wash it/wipe it so I just think he doesn't know his bottom
Is dirty. Who knows.

School can help with this on SA+ can they?

PolterGoose Wed 29-Jan-14 16:00:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Wed 29-Jan-14 16:08:45

Yes they can and should be. angry

There is no excuse for lack of hygiene/food/comfort/safety. In my experience (not at our last school) some professionals leave their humanity at the door.

HugAndRoll Wed 29-Jan-14 18:36:06

I will speak to the OT on Friday and see if they can suggest best action. His teacher moaned about his chew buddy so I can't see her helping wipe his bum!

magso Thu 30-Jan-14 08:51:20

Ds (now a teen) only improved with the help of a mirror(!) and wet toilet wipes. Took a long while to get efficient. We also had to teach how to get appropriate help (lack of social awareness)- ie not just dropping trousers in front of the nearest adult to check he'd done a good job.
The school nurse was helpful in setting up toileting help when struggling with refused support in MS school (before statement days) years back.

HugAndRoll Thu 30-Jan-14 20:17:19

We are going to try the mirror. His toileting has never been great and we've had 4 pairs of poo pants, 2 wet beds (leaking pull ups as theyre not absorbant enough) and 2/3 wees in the space of a week.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 31-Jan-14 19:43:25

We still wipe DS asd (7, yr 2). His ABA staff do it in school. It's no different than a child who needs supervising in toilet in case absconds (used to be ds). Ds now uses the staff/ disabled toilet in school as its impossible to get 2 people in cubicle and ABA staff don't want other children knowing he needs wiping in case he is teased. So I would ask he is escorted to toilet which is large enough respect his privacy and dignity and is checked by adult. My other ds has diabetes and needs adult supervision to inject for that. No different this is medical need as much as sen one.

HugAndRoll Fri 31-Jan-14 20:01:29

Thank you agnes. He had OT today and they are going to speak to his senco and invite her in for a session and go through what he needs help with etc.

mrsbaffled Sat 01-Feb-14 08:59:46

We have finally had a breakthrough in this house. DS1 (AD traits, SPD, SpLD, hypermobile arms) is finally independently toileting. It has only taken 9 and a half years. Fortunately he NEVER poos at school. He seems to have taught his body to save it til bedtime.

His brother has just turned 6 and again we were wiping his bum til really recently because we were doing it for his big brother. He was easy to train, but his older brother made a huge fuss!!

We compromised for a while that I would wipe after he had. Then I would visually check. Now he does it on his own. He still calls for help sometimes as he never believes his bum is clean.

Wet toilet paper is a good investment, by the way. They get cleaner quicker, building up confidence.

HugAndRoll Sat 01-Feb-14 11:24:07

Fab! I will certainly invest in some moist toilet tissue. Our first battle is getting him to attempt wiping in the first place, he just doesn't think to do it!

FancyAnOlive Sat 01-Feb-14 14:21:24

DD1 is 6 - dx autism - and I still wipe her bum for her. she holds it in at school and so often comes home with poo in her knickers. I might try moist paper with her, never thought of that! she has recently started smearing again. How my standards have slipped, I remember when I was shocked by the sight of poo but now I just think 'ooh. poo there. must remember to clean that.'

She is another lamppost lover and licker of said posts and bus stops by the way!

HugAndRoll Sat 01-Feb-14 16:05:04

It's nice to know ds1 isn't alone in his love of lampposts grin.

FancyAnOlive Sat 01-Feb-14 16:08:06

Lamp posts and railings. Not all the time but periodically her passion for railings will resurface. We went to Disneyland Paris which was great but an awful lot of railings.....

HugAndRoll Sat 01-Feb-14 16:22:34

Ha! Ds1 likes railings too, and his scooter, tin foil, door handles. Anything metal really. He must have a cast iron stomach although if he did he'd try to lick it

Skylar123 Sat 01-Feb-14 22:18:33

Interesting to read... My Ds will not wipe his bottom for love nor money .. I make him do one wipe now but he has an absolute fit about it. I try to show him but he just doesn't get it. He has to take off the majority of his clothing when he poos through fear of getting anything on himself . He has only recently started to go to the loo on his own. Won't go in school has progressed to doing a wee but never a no.2.

NoHaudinMaWheest Sun 02-Feb-14 00:23:44

Ds had still not got to the point of wiping himself at 8.6 when OCD took over and made it impossible for the next 5-6 years. He does now but with huge OCD rituals. I am sure there are sensory issues involved too.

Wet wipes are good but with regard to gadgets - the Romans used a sponge on a stick for bottom wiping purposes!

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 02-Feb-14 18:14:25

DS1 won't wipe either, unless very firmly told to do so. And even then it's grudgingly and only cursory. Then we move on to the struggle of washing hands as he gets skittish about running water but filling up the sink to wash is not an option as then he splashes all over. hmm And soap? Yep, another one that has to be told.. And drying his hands.

He's been licking the walls lately. Very odd. He told me one day he wanted to see if it tasted like ice cream. (he doesn't like ice cream anyway, so not sure where he was going with that)

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 02-Feb-14 18:15:28

Oh, watch out with the wet wipes that you're using something that breaks down very very easily and is just specifically for toileting use. Regular wipes will very often clog the plumbing.

HugAndRoll Sun 02-Feb-14 18:47:13

Maybe there is a link between non bottom wiping and licking weird things joke

Told dmil about it today, she thought (initially) that it's attention seeking. I said in order for it to be that he would have to be actually drawing attention to it rather than just sitting in his own filth.

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