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I cried in Waitrose this morning and need a self-indulgent moment

(146 Posts)
PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 11:24:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 13:11:39

Waitrose? You don't know how lucky you are.

I have to do all my crying in Lidl...........

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 13:11:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 13:13:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunnyweatherplease Thu 03-Oct-13 13:16:30

Starlight - I have a lot to learn obviously!!
I'm not being too touchy to be pi**ed off with the SENCO's response then!

moosemama Thu 03-Oct-13 13:20:38

Huge honks for your Polter.

I have been in floods this morning as well and feel your pain. Very similar in that I know we're gearing up for another big battle and it all feels, totally unfair, too huge and impossible to face ... again. flowers

The only idea I had when reading your OP was to do with him not knowing what's wrong - my ds is just the same, although has improved massively through the use of a feelings diary. I wonder if just getting him to identify an emoticon several times a day might help you at least identify what part of the school day is causing him the most anxiety and possibly enable you to tease it out of him via very careful questioning. That's what we started out doing with ds1 and it was slow, but steady progress from there to being able to first scaling the identified emotion and then actually writing a sentence explaining what he felt had precipitated it.

I have to agree with Star about schools giving up on children with SEN when they reach y6. Ds1 was totally sidelined last year, bugger all transition support and both IEPs and statement completely ignored. In the end we had to give up fighting them, because no matter what we did they found a way to do sweet FA. Instead we concentrated our efforts on supporting ds outside of school and taking as much school related pressure off him as possible - so he didn't do homework and we didn't do SAT revision either.

Swanhilda Thu 03-Oct-13 13:21:57

I'm always crying. I think it helps tremendously [rueful smile] I don't think it is overreacting at all.
You are very brave to be revising for an exam too.
I love the "bedtime routine" comments too confused If they saw ds2's routine from year dot they wouldn't DARE make those patronising assumptions.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Thu 03-Oct-13 13:22:18

Well at least when you cry in Waitrose you can then buy some 'naice' ham to cheer yourself up!

Polter, so sorry you're having this trouble. I've recently decided (during a non-SN complaint) that I'm never ever going to waste my time dealing with monkeys; I will go straight to the organ grinder. I don't care if it's overkill.

So rather than deal with the school, can you request a meeting with the head of your local education authority? (Will most likely be part of your county council). CC in the Local Education Officer responsible for your school and the Chief Executive of the Council and the elected councillor for your area AND the portfolio holder for education (also an elected councillor).

You can CC in the HT but no more wasting your time with the school, go full throttle. Make sure you say in the email requesting a meeting that the school are failing to implement what has been agreed and say you suspect they've lost interest as DS is now in Yr 6.

The school have had their chance, screw 'em.

Swanhilda Thu 03-Oct-13 13:27:06

Moose I've found ds2 melts down when I ask him "how he felt about particular parts of his day*. He finds it an unbearable intrusion, and quite frankly he doesn't want to remember anything that made him uncomfortable or sad. Unless he choose to. Often the information surfaces in a random way. I think that is another part of them wanting independence and not to have their thought processes interrupted. I've found that ds2 likes to remember positive things about the day, and I have to introduce any discussion about what might have worried him by stealth. Unless of course he is BOMBARDING me with information which is what happens in a meltdown sad

RippingYarns Thu 03-Oct-13 13:28:36

aw Polter sad

if it's any comfort, i cried outside JD Sports this morning - so your public display was far more classy than mine wink

zzzzz Thu 03-Oct-13 13:30:14

Honk honk honk honk honk

How depressing polt. I cried on one of the mums in m&s when ds was still at school. What is it about food shopping?

It's not long now, two and a half terms and you can always dereg him for the last bit if necessary. Focus on how to get to July as happily as possible even if it means shameless toy purchasing or trips/DVDs. Whatever makes him happy.

It all sounds needlessly exhausting. angry

okthatsweird Thu 03-Oct-13 13:32:18

<hugs>> to everyone, even more so Polter.

I have the upmost respect for all of you Mnetters on here who keep it together every minute of every day having read your posts...and I have wished so many times that I had an ounce of your strength which you do.

I don't cry in public yet..... Just most nights when I go to bed for one reason or another.

zzzzz Thu 03-Oct-13 13:37:39

"Creative type families". That is SO awful. I am giggling in a laugh or gibber kind of way. What an arse.

zzzzz Thu 03-Oct-13 13:38:44

star grin

moosemama Thu 03-Oct-13 13:38:47

Swanhilda, ds selected the emoticons at certain points throughout the school day, to represent his emotion at the time - to save him having to recall his day and discuss it with us. It helped us to try and work out what might be going on, then we had to wait for the right time to raise it with him - like you say, by stealth. If anyone asks how his day went he'll just ignore them or say OK, even when it's blatant that there's something seriously wrong.

He doesn't use his feelings diary now he's at secondary and it's a big problem, as he's back to being unable to even recognise, let alone the problem until he's already full meltdown. So far each of those meltdowns has happened in the middle of the night, after he's spent time on his own in bed and it's all built up and up.

We did what zzzzz said last year and just focussed on getting ds through to July in one piece.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 13:46:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lesley25 Thu 03-Oct-13 14:01:03

Honky honk.
I hate that we have to get into battle for everything. Am sick of the chin up, it could be worse mob too.
Anyway, I've been hearing a lot about schools not buying in the special support our kids need- it obviously costs money but really, they should start thinking about this if they do not have the resource in school to help. Maybe when you get shirty bring this up.

claw2 Thu 03-Oct-13 14:05:39

Poor you polter, its hard to hold it together 100% of the time.

Ds is similar Polter, he often doesn't know exactly. Ive reached the conclusion that I cant always find/ds cant always explain the exact cause and it is sometimes a case of ds just finding the demanding school environment stressful in general.

I keep pushing school for more support and try to cope at home with the fall out, best I know how.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 03-Oct-13 14:13:41

Mahoosive Honks to you Poltergoose.

Glad to read that you are not unduly concerned about Y7 but I would still apply for the statement all the same. DO not assume now that he will not need a statement in secondary; he may well not anyway but do not discount this going forward. He needs protecting in a legal sense educationally; school action plus just doesn't always cut the mustard and support can be patchy. (This is because I have also seen too many Y7s tested and fall apart because their additional needs were simply not met at primary school).

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 14:28:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Thu 03-Oct-13 14:39:19

Polter, ds is the same, he doesn't really need a statement, all it would take is a bit of understanding, a bit of support which really could be given from SA+.

However, it has taken a statement to get that understanding and appropriate support.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 15:53:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moosemama Thu 03-Oct-13 16:01:23

My ds is the same. He shouldn't need a statement, but that was what it took to get him anything like the support he should have been getting anyway.

If I had a pound for every time I've said his needs should by rights come under 'differentiation' I'd be a very rich woman. Apparently basic differentiation for SEN is so far beyond many (not all) teachers that you need a legal binding document, written in words of less than one syllable, to tell them how to do it. hmm

It a long way off being a magic solution though, as obviously you still have to fight to get the school to implement the damn thing. angry

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 03-Oct-13 16:08:56

Oh it is so infuriating when a little thought (not really time resources or money) can make so much difference.

Ds's secondary was so good that they gave him what he needed in terms of understanding and support and adjustments. They more or less ignored his statement, which was as woolly as a black-faced sheep anyway. However I was glad it was in place because some things like transport and exam adjustments are so much easier with a statement.

claw2 Thu 03-Oct-13 16:39:35

Polter, at ds's previous school it seemed to work a little something like this:-

Ds struggling to do x, y, z. Give him support with x,y,z. Ds no longer struggles to do x,y, z as much with support. School think they have 'cured' him and remove support.

So 20 hours of 1:1 to help him cope with anxiety, was removed overnight as ds wasnt as anxious with 1:1 support! hmm because he had 1:1 support!

Why this is so complicated for some schools to understand, I don't know.

Ineedmorepatience Thu 03-Oct-13 16:48:38

Really feel for you polter I am going through some similar shit with Dd3's school at the moment. She is bordering on school refusal and this morning told me she feels depressed sad

Her school is basically fantastic but there are a number of adults who dont follow the procedures put in place to support her. I have had to be really assertive this term and I still habent sorted it.

I am going in again tomorrow to see the senco, although Dd3 is saying she isnt going tomorrow hmm

I hope you manage to sort things out and in the meantime eat chocolate and be kind to yourself.

Good luck smile

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