Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

The Explosive Child

(14 Posts)
PolterGoose Mon 23-Sep-13 18:26:32

I know I keep recommending it, but it is a fantastic book.

If you are interested but not sure whether it's your cup of tea, I've just found a PDF by the author Ross Greene Kids do well if they can which summarises some of his beliefs and approach.

MrsShrek3 Mon 23-Sep-13 22:50:55

Thank you smile

SummerRain Mon 23-Sep-13 22:52:00

Thanks for that link Polter, I was nodding like a maniac reading that as what he writes resonates with my experiences with ds1 (and ds2 to a degree)

I really must pick up that book, I know you've been recommending it for ages but I hadn't gotten around to it yet blush

thriftychic Tue 24-Sep-13 00:57:05

i have just ordered both the explosive child and lost at school smile

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Tue 24-Sep-13 09:33:05

We love The Explosive Child too, and while we are only just starting to put it into practice it has already helped a lot in understanding ds and some of his behaviour.

Probably need to get Lost in School too given ds's current problems confused

LilTreacle Tue 24-Sep-13 10:17:20

You advised me to get it, and its made an enormous difference...thank you

OneInEight Tue 24-Sep-13 10:33:28

Can I ask some advice about Plan B when you have children/?parents who are not good at negotiating.

Typical scenario: I want to go out and ds2 doesn't. I will give him a choice of going out to A or B or perhaps now or in a hour. He will just say I am not going out. He usually wins unless dh is around and we can physically lift him out of the house (I should add that once he is actually out of the house he will usually settle down and apparently enjoy himself)!

Alternative one might be getting changed in/out of pyjamas. Again, I will try different outfit or perhaps now or by such and such a time. He will just say no.

Did you have to work with your children to improve their compromising skills and, if so, any good strategies.

PolterGoose Tue 24-Sep-13 20:21:07

One I don't follow the plan exactly, for me it's more the philosophy that guides me if that makes sense? I do do a lot of work on compromise and negotiation skills, because I think these are absolutely essential. So I model responses, both at the moment when we are 'in conflict' so I give him a way out and also whenever the opportunity arises. I also encourage him to think about how he could have negotiated after the event when we do a 'post mortem'. When he does attempt negotiation or compromise I almost always agree to his request, even if it's not quite ideal, so he sees it as worth the effort and gives us something to build on.

MrsShrek3 Tue 24-Sep-13 21:09:26

that's a great position to reach, Polter. How long has it taken to get to the point you're at with it? (can I ask how old your "he" is?)

PolterGoose Tue 24-Sep-13 21:20:27

Ds is 10, was dx at 6, he's very much a work in progress grin It took time to find what worked for him and us, he is very aware of his dx and this helps a lot, but it is a constant process of adapting and modifying and trying new stuff.

popgoestheweezel Tue 24-Sep-13 22:13:34

oneineight, it sounds like maybe you are trying to come up with the solution yourself and give choices rather than brainstorm with your child. The brainstorming ideally is done before the situation arises to give plenty of time to discuss and negotiate without time pressures. The idea is to find a win-win solution where both parties get at least some of what they want. Brainstorm without evaluating at first, include not going out at all and all possible (and impossible) options. Then go down your list and work together to find a solution you can both tolerate.

OneInEight Tue 24-Sep-13 22:27:16

Thanks Polter and Pop. Yes, perhaps I am rushing in too quickly with the compromises and I could try and do the negotiation further in advance of the issue. Think I need practice as much as ds2 and ds1.

PolterGoose Tue 24-Sep-13 22:35:45

It sounds naff but it is a journey, all learning together, really important IME to make negotiation a part of everyday life.

MrsShrek3 Wed 25-Sep-13 06:58:35

I just need to have my "work head" in action all the time at home to do this. much easier said than done. Some of the time I do, some of the time it's not possible. Ds1s behaviour issues are the top of the current list tho as they are the most recent addition to his repertoire...

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