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Please stand in the line with me! School pick-up time. Let's stand together!

(66 Posts)
Mummyoftheyear Sat 14-Sep-13 05:56:58

I'm so used to standing outside my son's class in semi-dread (some weeks full-dread) of what the teacher is going to speak to me about. Not that it's often terrible. But that it's terribly often.
While other mummies seem to wait, chat, collect and go, I pretend to smile and try to chat with my stomach fully lodged in my mouth.

Silent prayer while standing in the line: 'Gd I hope he's been good today. If not, please gd may other mums not hear/ notice that the teacher wants another word today.'

I thought it'd be nice to 'stand together' with other mums who dread pick-up time and all its uncertainty.
To share the "s/he had a good day"s; to celebrate the incredibly fantastic days when nothing was said by the teacher at all - and not just because you've made a quick escape! And, possibly most importantly, to stand together (listen, hug, sympathise and commiserate) when our children have had a bad day - or their teachers have complained again!

How was your child's day at school today?

Mummyoftheyear Wed 25-Sep-13 14:53:48

Know the butterfly feeling all too well. They need to be aware of his sensitive nature and it was for the teachers / those running the hw club to help to reassure and settle him. Social stories might help. Have a google. Such a Shane for him to be under scrutiny when he so ckeay needed support through a difficult moment or two.

TigerSwallowTail Wed 25-Sep-13 13:51:33

He is part of an after school homework club that meets once a week, it was recommended by his teacher to try and work on his social skills but I'm still waiting for an improvement! They all get a snack at this club but they ran out and a boy infront of ds got the last thing which caused uproar from him. He spent the rest of the time complaining, refusing to do any work and being horrible to the boy who was infront of him at the snack queue for 'stealing' his snack.

I get that he struggled to cope with the sudden change in routine, he always gets a snack at this club and looks forward to it and then all of a sudden he didn't get anything and other children did, but I have no idea how I can stop him behaving like that if it happens again.

It is parents night tonight too and already the butterflies are fluttering about in my stomach.

Mummyoftheyear Wed 25-Sep-13 06:14:08

Divinity, sounds like a plan. Worth talking your concerns re other boy over w teacher. Better than waiting for the inevitable / concern to happen.

Divinity Tue 24-Sep-13 22:49:20

I haven't been pulled aside but will be soon as I discovered DS(7) has had detention twice and keeps being told off by the teacher. He said he doesn't know what for. sad Unfortunately a boy who was expelled from the infant school in year 1 has joined the seperate junior school and is in DSs class. I'm worried that DS will mimic this boys challenging behaviour as DS can do this as he struggles with the social side so will eg laugh inappropriately (ASD).

May have to bite the bullet and see his teacher before it escalates (and I get the school gate 'talk')

Mummyoftheyear Tue 24-Sep-13 22:43:48

Pick-up-athon. New day, new beginning ;)
What kind of behaviour, Tiger? Sometimes the stuff they talk (moan) to us about is actually pretty low level - though irritating and hard to manage. Easy to be objective when it's someone else, but if nothing serious, don't let it be an embarrassment. Just an irritation?
Two mums were hushed-chatting and I overheard phrases like "Why should we (our blessed children) suffer...?"
Call me paranoid (after almost daily teacher-chats since nursery school, I am!), I prayed that it had nothing to do with my son.
In bed now. Still praying!

TigerSwallowTail Tue 24-Sep-13 17:13:10

Aw that's cute mummy, ds had quite a rant about having to do work in school instead of playing with toys too.

special I didn't have a good pick up today either, I was taken aside to speak to the teacher about his behaviour today. Why does it always feel like I'm the one in the bad books too?

specialmagiclady Tue 24-Sep-13 16:13:03

Not alone - me or you. Feeling bruised after today's pick-up-athon. Still, at least DS isn't getting lost in the crowd every day after school.

Small mercies.

Mummyoftheyear Tue 24-Sep-13 15:05:56

Tiger, I LOVE it! Brilliant.
My son came out of school on his first day of school this year branded with a sticker that read: "School was great today!"
He ripped it off and handed it to me, saying, "School was NOT great today. No toys. We had to work. And I TOLD them that I didn't want one of those silly old stickers!"
While I'd live him to enjoy going with the flow, I've got to admire a child bright enough to form his own opinions ;)

TigerSwallowTail Tue 24-Sep-13 11:57:37

Ds had his first day at after school club and spent the whole time telling the staff he hated it and was never coming back. I asked him what was so bad about it and he said they played Simon says and he hates that game as he didn't want to do everything some guy says when he's not even met him!

Luckily he's only in once a week.

Mummyoftheyear Mon 23-Sep-13 21:54:02

How's the week going?

Divinity Fri 20-Sep-13 09:54:36

Oh fantastic how did that happen? Stupid phone

Divinity Fri 20-Sep-13 09:53:54

I found breakfast club a godsend. There's little waiting around, a small number of parents so no cliques and, most importantly, DS (7, ASD) is much calmer and less anxious . It's also enabled him to make good friends with two boys in his class as there's time to socialise with the small number of breakfast clubbers.

Its the same with the after school kids (from all local schools) over time they have accepted him and even voted him onto the afterschool club council. My jaw dropped at that! They all speak to him when we see them out and about and are not phased when he doesn't respond very well.

So I scrape the money together to make sure he has this routine. Beats being the shitty school run mums anyday.

FrussoHathor Thu 19-Sep-13 13:45:04


Mummyoftheyear Thu 19-Sep-13 13:37:08

Called them this morning. Sounds fantastic!!!

Mummyoftheyear Wed 18-Sep-13 10:06:54

Frusso, that sounds just what I need. And I'm desperate!
I've never heard of it in Hertfordshire. Going to google but do you have a number I can call (your one) as they may know of a 'branch' near me smile

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 09:02:52

mummy ((hugs)) I do think maybe the AP was looking for and excuse to leave. We have something near us called cool2care that has a bank of SN care workers that help you find someone. Do you have something similar?
We interviewed and trialled a few workers before we found the girl we have. She dotes on dd despite regularly being attacked.
We pay for her through direct payments and have a contract written up for her, which means she can't just leave without giving proper notice. Perhaps this sort of set-up would be better for you?

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 08:15:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thepoodoctor Wed 18-Sep-13 06:57:40

I'm so sorry Mummy that is awful. Bear in mind that she probably wanted the new job so was looking for a reason to leave - in her interests to talk up how difficult your son is.

Would it be worth looking/ advertising for someone who has specific experience of SN or who is training in that area? Those hours might possibly suit a TA or maybe someone on a BEd course?

I've been thinking about something similar for DS. You have my total sympathy as I can't think who I could employ to manage him and don't dare attempt after school club. Thank god we are lucky enough to have grandparents nearby. It's not your fault!

Mummyoftheyear Tue 17-Sep-13 23:59:49

Thank you Levantine
I feel so alone. More than ever. The au pair who came to demand her pay told me how she'd worked with lots of children and never come across a child like my son. Told me he reminded her of a man who was violent to her for a year (relationship). He's 5. Yes he has kicked her on occasion and told her that he didn't like her.. but!?!?
Friday was the first time she'd told me he'd kicked he'd and I'd said I'd race up next time to help and take him into time out (123Magic).
Not first person to tell me this
Job depends on him being manageable.

Levantine Tue 17-Sep-13 23:19:41

Oh mummy, you poor thing I can imagine what that feels like. What a horrible bunch of people you are surrounded by at the moment. Such unkindness from those mums. You sound very brave and calm. Have a big hug from me and a wine

Mummyoftheyear Tue 17-Sep-13 23:12:09

Thank you, FrussoHathor.
I'm not feeling like much of a happy camper at the moment. In fact, I'm really upset.
Here is what's been going on:
I tutor children at home 5-8pm.
I rely on an au pair to look after my 2 and 5 year old (dinner, bath, bed). My latest au pair told me that she wasn't very happy and wasn't sure whether it was our family or au pairing that wasn't right for her.
We agreed to see how it goes until the end of October.
Sunday night she announces that she'd met a family (total coincidence - not) who'd offered her a job.
She said (here's the part that's relevant to SEN/ my son, etc.) that my son was too difficult and that he reminded her of an aggressive man she had a relationship with for a year.
Tonight, a lovely teenager who's babysat for us before in such 'emergencies', sent me a text to say that she could babysit tomorrow and on Thursday but not any more after that as she found DS too difficult.
I do empathise with them. I feel very powerless and sad.
I enjoy my job and need to do it. My daughter is too young for me to work in a school and I need to be there for them to drop off and pick up. I really don't want to go back into teaching in schools after becoming an assessor, etc.
I've found another au pair. Here we go again.
I am, again, berating myself: is it me?
Do I have issues?
Is it because I work?
Ist it because...?

But my daughter has none of these issues and so it surely isn't me. And if it's not, what can I do to help change it?
I went for a drama therapy appointment after school on Monday. They have said they'll get back to me about sessions for him.
They also said that they'd make sure that if he threw anything or was violent or aggressive, they'd kindly ask him to leave and come back the next week.
He's hard to manage, but thank gd isn't aggressive (erm. except to au pairs who he does kick or hit after the bath). I don't want him to learn 'stuff' from other children whose behaviour is hard to manage in more destructive ways.
I'm confused. Depressed. A bit hopeless.

Then tonight, the au pair who gave me 1 day's notice turns up to ask for her pay. Demanding it loudly in front of a 9 year old student I was teaching!

I paid her of course. I'd called the mother of the family she'd gone to, to explain that we aren't a horrible family and to ask whether she could wait just a week or two for me to find someone else. She brazenly refused: "That's not my problem. I've offered her the job and she's accepted."
She lives a street away. We live in a small village. The au pair and this blabbermouth mum are spreading the word that my son is a total nightmare. Small community. People chat. She's friends with people at my son's school - in our class.

I just want the earth to swallow me up. I'm really sad for my son as he's becoming labelled and ostracised.

On the up: school gates have been fine! lol
Cliquey mums have been extremely unfriendly. Probably enjoying all the news they've been hearing. I so want school to go well for him and hope that this year the teacher can manage him well. The mums tried to get rid of another boy in our class last year because he was difficult. They petitioned and sent letters, all threatening to leave. Imagine!!!

Not a lot else to say, really. Thank you for listening, girls smile
I hope that your school pick ups have been going well! I'd love to hear how everyone else is doing smile

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 14:38:11

Hi mummy here is the goose and carrot for this week.

Lesley25 Tue 17-Sep-13 14:30:42

Rain mac at the ready, butterflies already in anticipation. Hope dd has only had one accident- progress from 3, not holding my breath.
Freezing outside so sent dd into school looking like she's en route to I keep saying, break times my dd just stands there, play doesn't come naturally to ASD kids....
Hope she's had a good day. Cookie in the car, now to find that blooming "close to school gates" parking space/ yank ds out of nap /pile in car as I attempt to soothe/ bribe ds wailing !!
Good luck mums!

Mummyoftheyear Mon 16-Sep-13 22:51:24

Hello girls! I started this thread and have been too tied up to update the day. It's been mental:
Au pair walked out last night (had been for interview and said she had been offered a job by a woman who was another mum in my DS' class last year. She offered her more money. She said that my DS reminds her of an abusive ex partner! I think it's a crappy lie but a hurtful one. He's five! He hits occasionally after the bath. It's not excusable but it's not extreme.
School (please gd may it continue) seemed to be ok. Don't want to tempt fate. Went to drama therapy. It was ok. Just the assessment but it's the first outstretched hand we've ever had!
Had to change work schedule around to fit drama therapy so ends up tutoring until 8.30 and making sandwiches at Crazy O'clock.
Cliquey mums cliqued together - but I have to be honest, I did feel different knowing that you lot were virtually by my side ;)
Goose thread sounds good. How do I find it?

Thepoodoctor Mon 16-Sep-13 16:58:49

Oh god me too - and where last years teacher and TA took the view that 'no news is good news', it's currently getting filled in in minute detail.

Which really I should be grateful for but I'm not sure how much I want to know. No pleasing some people.

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