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Violence is back the last week and she's hurting me

(9 Posts)
greener2 Thu 29-Aug-13 19:47:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handywoman Thu 29-Aug-13 20:04:56

Come to join you on your thread, too, greener. No advice, but I hear you. I really do have to raise an eyebrow regarding your dd's non-diagnosis. Especially as your dd's school are singing from the same hymn sheet as you.

RippingYarns Thu 29-Aug-13 20:15:26

greener, you sound at the end of your tether sad

just because 'they' say she isn't on the spectrum, there is nothing to stop you using the same interventions/strategies as if she were - schedules and picture instructions made a huge difference to our life, even before we had a DX

<makes OP a brew>

or would you prefer wine?

greener2 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:44:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RippingYarns Thu 29-Aug-13 20:47:13

i mean like not giving her multi-faceted verbal instructions, helping her with ordering her clothes etc when getting dressed, giving her lots of notice when you're going to do something, make a picture timetable of the day ahead, that sort of thing

PolterGoose Thu 29-Aug-13 20:51:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greener2 Wed 04-Sep-13 20:23:02

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RippingYarns Wed 04-Sep-13 20:35:21

i have no formal training

i am 'just' a mum with a very demand-avoidant DD (6yrs old)

but here's my take on what you've just said, but as if my own DD was doing it (giving the ASD perspective, if that's ok?)

DD wants you to put DS back in his cot so she can have you to herself, he may be noisy/dribbly/need changing and she might need more time to adjust to being awake before she starts her day?

your DD makes tents and dens as it creates a barrier between her and the rest of the world

she also has issues with transitions - she does not accept it's time to stop doing one thing in favour of another

all of these can cause meltdown, it's her way of telling you she's not coping

the 'getting her own way' has got so much easier for us, when we realised that DD spends a vast amount of time planning a scenario in her head before she vocalises a wish/demand. she has run through it with the utmost precision in her mind, so cannot envisage it any other way than the way she has imagined.

this is why 'NO' causes so much initial confrontation

we now say 'no', let her digest the actual word, and then explain why her request/demand is not possible, in very simple terms. this can take minutes, or sometimes days to achieve

if i am way off the mark in your case, i apologise. and you can tell me to sod off.

LuvMyBoyz Wed 04-Sep-13 20:47:24

Have you read 'The Explosive Child' by Dr Green? Someone here mentioned it and I read it to help parents at school who tell me this happens with their dc (fine at school, meltdowns at home). It helps parents in your situation.

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