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Asking the wrong people, here, but.... do normal kids to do this?

(8 Posts)
Handywoman Thu 29-Aug-13 13:50:40

Since recent unsatisfactory/inconclusive private ASD assessment of dd2 (impaired, every day, significantly, but not bad enough for formal dx, ie not quite normal but not ASD) I have been trying hard to just relax and treat my dd2 as NT as possible, trying not to pathologise her and trying not to drive myself mad.

As it's the hols I've been happy pootling along, we have had a fairly quiet time with no big demands or overstimulation. This week I've been working and dd2 has been with friends, some of whom have had other kids around. dd2 finds this really really hard (socialising with more than one child), draining and often melts down big time afterwards. Said 'inconclusive' report acknowledges this.

This week dd2's behaviour has gone rapidly downhill as a result of this socialising. She had one meltdown at a friend's yesterday then when dd2 came home the wheels really came off. I have not seen dd2 this bad before. Far more extreme and explosive and more irate and completely imovable and set off by so a look or just the presence of another person in the room. dd2 feels completely ganged up on and stressed and like The World Is Just Not Fair. She seems almost frightened by it now. She actually asked last night if she could spend a day with me and nobody else, please.

Tried to get her to have a decent night's sleep, which she did. Woke up, wanted to paint nails, told clearly using simple language "we can do this but only if you get dressed now otherwise we will not have time". dd2 then got distracted, watched telly and had a further meltdown when I told her we no longer had time to paint nails (mum going to work).

She started ranting in incomplete bursts of irate phrases but was not making any semantic sense. It was literally dd2 expressing pure emotion but not being able to string an actual sentence together, merely half baked constructions and things like 'you wasted my time' etc, stuff with no relevance that didn't make sense. She was partly making bits up (what she said I said, bore no resemblence to reality). What I am seeing is my dd2 ramping up her behaviour and levels of distress. I can see a point when it will become unmanageable, where I will really run out of options. It feels like a car crash in extremely slow motion.

Do NT kids do this making-no-sense ranting? Is this not severe? Do I have some twisted and super-restricted idea of normal?

And breathe.......................... don't know what I want anyone to say, really, it just feels never ending, trying to feel reassured there is nothing wrong with her but only being able to keep up that facade for a short time sad

sickofsocalledexperts Thu 29-Aug-13 14:02:11

Not normal, no. Kids are a pain in the hols, but this sounds like a different level from my DD's bolshiness or attitude. How old is she?

zzzzz Thu 29-Aug-13 14:08:09

In short yes they do BUT most ASDish behaviours are nt behaviours. It's about duration, severity, how often, what triggers...etc

Some families really aren't that kind to visitors/children. If she is used to a compassionate differentiated home, that could be a real challenge.

Handywoman Thu 29-Aug-13 15:14:16

The house where she lost it is friendly, accommodating, flexible, tolerant, capable (friend from dd2 class, mum very good primary teacher) just commonly there are normally at least 4 kids there.

She's 8;6years old, btw

pannetone Thu 29-Aug-13 17:51:18

Well I'm not in a position to judge NT 8.6 year old girl behaviour because my 8.6 year old DD got a HFA diagnosis in April, but I can tell you that your DD sounds a lot like mine! Particularly the ranting! DD will cry over things that she has imagined, but really believes, I've said or done. She will get 'stuck' and no amount of re-stating or reassuring will budge her from her distress. Also extends to things her 11 year old brother has done - which is very tricky because he obviously doesn't take kindly to her 'misrepresenting' events.

And as I've posted on another current thread (anxious 9 year old with Aspergers) DD's distress is 'ramping up' as you put it this summer and as she's getting older. The meltdowns are becoming more severe and happen more often in public - whereas DD's selective mutism used to mean she was more likelty to be mute and withdrawn when out.

I wouldn't be at all happy with the 'inconclusive' private ASD assessment. We were 'lucky' with DD. Because of her selective mutism the diagnostic service (apparently) couldn't find an entirely appropriate diagnostic tool. On the one they used (CARS??) DD didn't score highly enough in some areas to get a diagnosis, but they felt it was relevant to take her paricular profile into account and gave the diagnosis. DH and I were asked if we were 'happy' to accept a diagnosis given this - we were -we didn't want to be in your position of DD not being NT, but not ASD either. And apparently the developmental paed (NHS though does do private) who did the ADI with us, has a particular 'interest' in girls on the autistic spectrum. And after our hour or so with her I realised for the first time that DD was on the spectrum and what the 'girl variant' can be - my DS2 already had an HFA diagnosis (actually from the same paed 5 years earlier) but he is/was quite different to DD. And DS3 got his HFA diagnosis last Nov and he is different again! They all have the 'triad of impairments' but there is quite a remarkable difference in how they behave and 'are'.

Is your DD waiting for NHS assessment for ASD?

Handywoman Thu 29-Aug-13 19:00:09

Thanks for that, Pannetone yes, we are waiting diagnostic assessment thru NHS. NHS Paed believes currently dd2 is 'probably' on the spectrum with a subtle presentation. Am hopeful about NHS assessment but not holding my breath.

Just been to pub with my two dd's. dd2 kicking off in public, again, ranting again, sympathetic looks from my friends. It is just getting worse. Every day this week for dd2 has been 'the worst day of my whole life' re issues which she simply cannot 'get over', they seem to just accumulate and cause misery. perhaps she is beginning to realise she finds things harder than a lot of kids now. i dont know, Am just swimming upstream with her so much this week.

greener2 Thu 29-Aug-13 19:43:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handywoman Thu 29-Aug-13 19:50:14

Poor you, greener are you still considering getting a 2nd opinion?

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