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Ds reported to police after having a meltdown

(18 Posts)
shockedbythis Mon 26-Aug-13 13:12:19

During a meltdown/panic attack a TA and my ds ended up tussling over something and the member of staff hurt her arm. School say that they reported the assault to Police but we've not heard anything further. Has anyone else had their child accused of assault and if so what happened to them.

SummerRain Mon 26-Aug-13 13:29:41

I'm sorry this has happenedflowers

Are the school usually so unsupportive? How old is ds?

PolterGoose Mon 26-Aug-13 13:43:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 26-Aug-13 13:44:24

Attempting to take something off DS1 physically and to engage in an undignified tug of war will trigger a meltdown.

What was the object of dispute?

shockedbythis Mon 26-Aug-13 13:50:28

Can't put too much here at the moment - object was a book. He was already in meltdown before the tug of war started! He is 12 and was permanently excluded over this incident. School had already admitted that they couldn't meet his needs and a new school placement was being sought. He is now in a better place but has been badly affected by what happened and lost all his friends after having to leave the school.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 26-Aug-13 14:01:56

Sorry - being brief on phone - my point was that this behaviour on the part of the TA would cause a meltdown. To do so in the midst of a meltdown is a complete no no. I have made no attempt to take knives off DS1 during a meltdown as this would exacerbate the loss of control and I would probably end up injured.

As an adult I would need to take responsibility for doing the wrong thing in the circumstances.

shockedbythis Mon 26-Aug-13 14:14:28

Apparently, because he had not used strategies that they had provided to prevent meltdowns (don't know what these were) then he was to blame for the incident occurring hmm

nennypops Mon 26-Aug-13 15:19:18

So was this some time ago if ds has now moved to a different school? Sounds like the police aren't interested, and quite right too.

bochead Mon 26-Aug-13 20:28:40

Don't live in fear - go to the police station without your child but with your ID and some ID for your child and ASK them if anything has been recorded.

I'll bet you nothing is on record cos the police realised the school stuffed up when they investigated e.g if you have no copy of a behavior management method that should be used, then odds on school didn't possess one!

If the police really thought there was a case to answer from their pov you would have heard about it the same day the incident occurred or very, very shortly afterwards! Education depts frequently flout the law, luckily police depts don't.

To be fair it sounds as if you could probably have fought the exclusion and won. have you taken a look at the IPSEA guidance? (google for their website)

What you can do for the future as a general thing is to get one of those "Autism Alert" cards from the NAS for your child to carry. This has really helped a local Aspie who is six foot seven (in his twenties now)to be seen as the potential victim that that he really is, & helped by police, store security guards etc rather than treated like a violent criminal. It came in so handy when he was learning to catch a bus to the shop with his NT friends, getting lost when he first went clothes shopping by himself etc.

My nine year old has one in case he gets separated from me as busy stations etc, or gets stressed on a couple of mainstream activities he's doing over the summer. They are handy!

youarewinning Mon 26-Aug-13 21:17:20

OK, I'm writing my take on this with my professional head on not as a MNer with a child who has SN (which I do!)

The school stated they couldn't meet DS needs? Usually pressure is put on them from the LA to keep children in school as specialist placements and/or statements are expensive. The only way for a school to ensure a child get's a placement elsewhere is to prove they can't meet their needs. I suspect this is why they excluded him and reported it as assault.

The reason I say this is that the school can only use physical force where it is reasonable, necessary and proportionate. Wrestling a book from a 12yo is neither of those things.

shockedbythis Mon 26-Aug-13 21:18:02

Thanks. I plan on going to the Police station to ask. Suspect you're right though and nothing was done. Wouldn't be surprised if they haven't even reported it - a teacher told ds once before that they were calling the Police (probably just to worry him angry).

SauvignonBlanche Mon 26-Aug-13 21:22:20

That's terrible! shock angry

shockedbythis Mon 26-Aug-13 21:23:50

youare - someone at the LA did have the nerve to say that it did us a favour hmm but a place was already being arranged. They had no need to prove they couldn't meet needs as it was already agreed.
Try saying to a child who has lost all his friends and won't go out the house anymore that it was all done as 'a favour'.

Debs75 Mon 26-Aug-13 21:45:00

I dread this happening to DS. he is 14 with ASD and has on occasion smashed several windows at school, punched an escort causing her to blackout(he had terrible toothache and couldn't cope with the bus ride) fractured a play helper's eye socket, split lips, given his sister black eyes. Unfortunately the list goes on and on.

Luckily he has a brilliant school who have loads of different strategies for helping him and are very relaxed and patient with him. If he had gone to mainstream school he would of been excluded several times over!

To threaten with the police isn't helpful as it could rile him up more and to have a 'tussle' over a book is unprofessional of the school. They should of been working to keep your ds calm and happy so he didn't hit out. It does sound like they have turned a simple incident to their advantage so they can offload your ds. In the long run this could be better for ds but as you say he is now feeling isolated and this will dent his confidence when starting a new school.

I do hope things turn out good for him but in the meantime I would be making sure you get all the evidence you can from the school so you can prove they were not meeting your ds's needs and they were not following their own protocols

youarewinning Mon 26-Aug-13 21:56:02

What a cheek saying they did DS a favour shock It sounds to me like they couldn't be bothered to try and understand him - "we had things in place for him to follow to calm down but he didn't" hmm

There's a lot goes on with seeking new placements and it's not as straightforward as made out. But the school did DS a complete disservice by tussling with him unnecessarily - they never consider how an exclusion will make your DS feel and how that will affect him pychologically without the sudden removal from his friends.

Shame it isn't recent as I'd have recommended you report the TA for assault - a counter accusation - why the bleeding hell was she tussling your DS over a bleeding book?

I work in special ed and we only use physical intervention where there is NO other option - we actually run away from a pupil who may be violent towards us - not in fear usually wink but because there is nothing to be gained when we know the pupil will calm themselves if they have a safe space. (obviously not that black and white but a general idea!)

I wish your DS the best of luck in his new setting and hope they give him the understanding and support he both needs and deserves. thanks

buss Tue 27-Aug-13 10:00:59

why on Earth was the TA 'tussling' with a child...although it doesn't surprise me at all sadly having worked in schools for many years.

'someone at the LA did have the nerve to say that it did us a favour'
Poor ds must be traumatised by the TA 'tussling' with him. How is that doing him a favour?

buss Tue 27-Aug-13 10:33:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magso Tue 27-Aug-13 22:43:27

I am so sorry this has happened to your son.
I hope that the new school will work out better than you could have hoped, although it must be very upsetting that this had to happen at all.
I wonder if writing instructions ( a passport) for when very distressed (meltdown situations) would help give the new staff clear guide lines Of what to do and not do (rather than expect the young person to fit into the schools guidelines) would help? People doing the wrong thing so often escalates the situation.

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