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Disabled toilet debate in "chat" I need opinions, please.

(32 Posts)
Ineedmorepatience Tue 20-Aug-13 16:59:52

As most of you know I have a Dd with Asd, she is in mainstream school and is academically able. She does however have significant difficulties with sensory issues.

Public toilets have always been a challenge for us its either too smelly, there is a queue, the toilets are dirty or the hand dryers are horrendously loud!

This came to a head on our most recent holiday when I struggled to get her in at all and had lots of judgy people glaring at me when I left her by the door until a cubicle was free and then called her in, thus jumping the queue shock

Anyway when we got back I ordered a RADAR key so that this wont happen again.

Today a thread has been running on chat about using disabled toilets and now I am doubting myself and thinking that Dd3 maybe shouldnt be using the disabled toilets after all!

So what do you think, am I being unreasonable to allow her to use them? She is getting big now and I cant just manoever her into the ladies. Or should I be more strict with her and just hope she wont refuse outright.

Not a life or death dilemma I know but I hate being judged!

sickofsocalledexperts Tue 20-Aug-13 17:07:31

If she has ASD, use the disabled and tell judgers to fuck off! I have same issue only taking my (big) boy into the Lades is getting ever harder. Where do I get a Radar key?

RippingYarns Tue 20-Aug-13 17:08:56

DD has ASD

Both DH and I have radar keys to use when DD is with us. Her issues are very similar to the ones you describe for your DD

I don't give a flying fuck what people think when they see us use it - DD's issues far outweigh their opinion


RippingYarns Tue 20-Aug-13 17:11:01

Your local council office should have one to sell to you,

sosick. Or any mobility shop.

Should cost no more than £5

Sunnymeg Tue 20-Aug-13 17:27:38

I use a radar key for DS (Aspergers) he is nearly 12 now, but would not know how to react if anything untoward occurred in the men's toilets. He has no idea of stranger danger. He used to come in the Ladies with me until he got too old. I think you are completely within your rights to use a radar key

Weller Tue 20-Aug-13 17:39:23

When I use the disabled toilets and DS is walking i do get stares and yet when he is in is major Maclaren people will hold the door open for us. Same child but how people view his disability is judged by what the see. Tbh I don't care about the stares or comments as it is much worse when in public toilets as he is obsessed with trying to look under the cubicle which is not good for a boy in the female toilets.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 20-Aug-13 17:49:43

Thanks guys, I knew you would be the voices of reason, I got the key from the internet I had a link to the RADAR shop from another forum I will find it later for you.

It cost £4 including post and it arrived a couple of days later. I just had to tick a box to say that my child or whoever was using the key is disabled.

I thought I had grown a thicker skin! But apparently not. I need more training grin

Thanks again, just out of interest has anyone seen the thread in chat? There are some right characters on it!

RippingYarns Tue 20-Aug-13 18:08:07

I saw that thread first thing this morning, it started right after someone else started one about being pissed off at the word 'meltdown' being used to describe certain behaviour.

Then I went out and probably drew looks at setting up DDs pop up tent for her to eat her picnic in and then escorting her to the disabled toilets - ThisIsMyChild ;)

Scottishdancer Tue 20-Aug-13 18:10:51

Ds (Aspergers) age 10 always uses the disabled toilet. He can't tolerate the noise of the hand dryers and won't even go into the toilets if anyone else is in there in case they use the dryer.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 20-Aug-13 18:55:37

dinosaursarebisexual Tue 20-Aug-13 19:20:12

I couldn't care less if someone thinks my child looks too normal to use a disabled toilet. Sod 'em.

sickofsocalledexperts Tue 20-Aug-13 20:41:30

Ordered a Radar key - thanks! Do they work for all disabled loos across the country? Wow, if so!

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 20-Aug-13 21:01:12

I guess I must have developed the much needed thick skin. People are funny about loos and queues. My NT 4yr old left it far too late, we ran to the loo to find a queue. DD shrieked about how desperate she was to be completely ignored.

First I took her shorts off, in case of accident, then her knickers off, and finally gave up completely and sat her on the sink.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 20-Aug-13 21:02:43

There WAS a disabled loo btw, but quite frankly she didn't need it. What she needed was some compassion and humanity. She's not disabled.

AgnesDiPesto Tue 20-Aug-13 21:33:11

It's useful to think of what to say to people who query you in advance as I was once shouted at by an elderly lady who told me I should know better than to use it for ds. I couldn't think of anything to say fast enough. Now I am prepared and just say 'I know it doesn't look like it but he is entitled to use this toilet' and leave the rest to their imagination. There could be any number of medical conditions that would require privacy and space or washing facilities.

zzzzz Tue 20-Aug-13 21:48:46

Ineed, yes she should be using the disabled loos, and please don't risk total public loo refusal by not getting her the half way house that is the disabled loo. Ds can only use loos in their own room (ie in a house). With hard work he has managed a disabled loo several times this year, but I would give a lot not to have to plan our outings around toilets.

ScramblyEgg Tue 20-Aug-13 21:49:20

I use the disabled toilets with DS(4) who has not-yet-diagnosed Aspergers and major issues with hand driers.

Nobody's said anything so far, but my planned response is 'Being disabled doesn't just mean using a wheelchair'.

toffeelolly Tue 20-Aug-13 21:54:38

My D's 8 has sn and I bring him into disabled toilets, because he can walk and looks OK some people stare,and you know what they are thinking. But sod the lot of them.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 20-Aug-13 22:12:55

TBH I think I find it funny when people comment now.

There are so many difficult situations that I have faced have often been so very VERY stressful that when someone sticks their oar in my whole body response is a belly laugh and the ridiculousness and inappropriateness of their opinion or them even having one.

No idea how I got that way. I think it is just survival.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 20-Aug-13 22:29:38

Thanks everyone, I do feel more confident and zzzzz I agree that I wouldnt want her to completely refuse to use a toilet outside the house. She has already had a UTI this year from holding her wee at school. She has been using the toilet at school since then though as she didnt want to be in so much pain again.

Agnes I will think of something to say so that I am prepared for if someone says something smile

I wondered if I could try offering to let them have her for a few days and then tell me she is not disabled shockgrin

Ineedmorepatience Tue 20-Aug-13 22:31:24

sickof I think they do work in all standard public disabled loos. I am willing to be corrected though!

nonstopholiday Tue 20-Aug-13 22:58:15

See you've ordered one now, sick of, but wanted to add for others that we got ours in the Bentall Centre, Kingston. Top floor, in Centre Management (or similar) they sell them (or did, a couple of years ago). Worth a shot if anyone is in the area.

signandsmile Wed 21-Aug-13 08:15:59

we are another one who uses the disabled loo with DS with ASD, I had never thought about other people's opinions,

Mind you, I am usually too busy repeating the mantra 'no dryers, no dryers, all ok' steering him in with my hands over his ears... hmm grin.

Saracen Wed 21-Aug-13 10:01:18

I have not yet come across any disabled loo in which a RADAR key doesn't work, so you should be fine!

Mind you I must be lucky as no one has ever given me a funny look, even when dd hasn't been in her disabled buggy. Or maybe I just don't notice! I usually have other things to think about.

2old2beamum Wed 21-Aug-13 12:06:19

I am far worse than you lot
Both DC's in wheelchairs. Both incontinent and if I need a wee I use the disabled toilet so I can take wheelchair in with me, a bit dishonest !!

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