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my child has autism and no friends but apparently I am lucky

(28 Posts)
chocnomore Thu 20-Jun-13 15:10:05

why? because I do not have to spend money on birthday presents as Dd never gets invited. that is what a so called friend just told me. I just sat there like that shock, unable to think of anything polite to say... this 'friend' knows how difficult with Dd is for us.

I am sure she didn't mean to make me upset but seriously - lucky? stupid cow

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 20-Jun-13 15:13:35

I'd be giving this person a wide berth as of now and would just not see them any longer. This person is not a friend of your family.

What an terrible thing to say to you. Not all people however, are as thoughtless honestly.

zzzzz Thu 20-Jun-13 16:01:51

Honk honk

Smile wave and move on.

Wow, talk about looking on the bright side! shock It's on a par with 'You'll save so much money on shoes now you only have one leg.'

I hope that this 'friend' engaged mouth before brain and is actually really regretting it. If not, you are probably well shot of her, as Attila said.

ouryve Thu 20-Jun-13 16:21:55

Don't just wave - give the two finger salute. Mentally, anyhow.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 20-Jun-13 16:31:58

My old firm once did a medical negligence claim where a doctor had wrongly amputated a woman's legs. We costed out what care and expenses she would need for the rest of her life. The NHS solicitor said they would be reducing the amount on the basis that she would be saving lots of money as she no longer had to buy tights. I kid you not.

chocnomore Thu 20-Jun-13 16:34:01

well, at least she won't have to spend her precious cash anymore on pink plastic shit for Dd.

Eyesunderarock Thu 20-Jun-13 16:34:27

We need to get together and create 'The Book Of Stupid' and then publish it and donate the royalties. We could have a new one every year.

chocnomore Thu 20-Jun-13 16:44:25

agnes, shock

My god, you couldn't make it up, Agnes! shock sad

bialystockandbloom Thu 20-Jun-13 18:41:24

Bloody silly woman. You don't need 'friends' like that.

When ds (asd) was at nursery and had no real friends I was told how lucky I was to escape the hectic 'social whirl' of the playdate circuit hmm

Levantine Thu 20-Jun-13 19:23:08

What a silly woman. Honestly

bochead Thu 20-Jun-13 19:26:20

OP there are therapies that can help children with autism (expensive & difficult to obtain admittedly) - science has yet to discover how to fix stupid! Nor can science implant empathy as yet.

Tell her she's incredibly hurtful and insensitive (some peeps do need it spelled out) then if she doesn't immediately fall to the floor with an abject apology, cut her out of your life completely.

ThreeBeeOneGee Thu 20-Jun-13 20:43:30

I would say that it's unbelievable that someone can be so insensitive, but sadly I have also experienced comments like this.

YY to writing a book! smile

dietstartstmoz Thu 20-Jun-13 21:25:26

What a stupid cow! I would have been shock as well. I must also be lucky then, as DS2 has no friends and never gets invited to anything either.

marjproops Thu 20-Jun-13 21:25:33

tbh ive had to make the best out of DCs disabilities. nothing we can do about it.

no cure so have to live with what weve got.

and.....ive learnt to embrace the fact that DC and I wont have to put up with stupid twatty bithcy hipocrits with perfect little tarquins. at their perfect parties.

we have a great limited but genuine circle of friends, and that's good.

PoshCat Thu 20-Jun-13 22:09:46

Unbelievable. I was told by a family member I should hope DD gets an autism diagnosis as apparently we'll get given a free car and loads of disability benefit money. hmm hmm

Aika Fri 21-Jun-13 00:28:07

Oh please don't be so judgemental. We all say things that hurt others without thinking. Be honest, would you know what it feels like if you didn't have an ASD child yourself? Obviously, what she said was silly and insensitive, but I can easily imagine myself saying something stupid just because I like to speak a lot. Tell her that you got hurt and you might be amazed at her response. If she doesn't get it - then ditch her.

TrucksAndDinosaurs Fri 21-Jun-13 02:25:07

Tell her you will save even more money on phone calls, text messages, buying drinks and birthday cards for her because you won't be spending time on her ever again.

chocnomore Fri 21-Jun-13 06:48:18

aika, sometimes it is useful to engage brain before saying things - and somestimes also before posting hmm

autumnsmum Fri 21-Jun-13 06:52:37

As I have mentioned here before I was told by a friend of dp that it was great that ds has autism because we will get three driving lessons!

ouryve Fri 21-Jun-13 10:46:41

No one ever cottons on that those "free" cars cost at least £9K to hire for 3 years.

Aika Fri 21-Jun-13 10:47:37

chocnomore are you saying you've never ever offended anyone? I can assure you that you have! It is up to you what to do with your friend, I was just pointing out that she does not see the world with your eyes. I have a child with ASD and no friends, but if I took offence at everything people said, I would become an NT adult with no friends )))

I was told by a friend that I was lucky not to have to worry about getting DC into prestigious prep schools! She is still a friend though..

chocnomore Fri 21-Jun-13 12:46:32

well, I certainly haven't had the guts yet to tell somebody with a disabled child how lucky they are because it saves money on birthday pressies.

And I don't think one needs to have a child with SN to see that this is a rude, offensive and utterly thoughtless thing to say.

good for you though that you do not take offence from similar comments from your friends hmm

zzzzz Fri 21-Jun-13 12:46:49

aika I don't think you should allow people to talk to you like that. We are all to sensitive sometimes, but frankly you sound like you are leaning way to hard the other way.

It is totally unacceptable to say a this Mum is lucky her child is ostracised because she doesn't have to buy presents, and the prep school comment is vile .

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