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Not allowed to talk about anything to do with DD's school on any social networking sites.....

(82 Posts)
StarlightMcKenzie Tue 18-Jun-13 14:19:17

And I have to sign something to say that a)I won't, and b)I acknowledge I could be prosecuted.

Any thoughts?

I'm a bit worried about sending dd to a school with such a gagging order.

And, have I just breeched the terms and conditions already?

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 13:10:39

They've apologised that I found them insensitive and have forward my comments to the CT.

I suppose I just thought that past was behind. DD's nursery teacher is absolutely amazing. I spent a long time wondering if it was an illusion and she would have failed ds, but I have seen her in action with children with needs, and I have heard from their parents. She has really restored my faith (not in teachers in general, but in humanity and some teachers) and so I was kind of hoping the past was just a bad dream.

amistillsexy Wed 19-Jun-13 12:14:15

tryingtokeepintune that's my situation as well...I won the Tribunal for DS2 just as they were constructively excluding DS1. It has led to alot of money being spent on therapy to persuade DS2 that DS1's troubles didn't all stem from him (DS2) starting school!

I think the 'don't chat on Facebook' letter is an over-reaction to something that has happened in the past, as someone said up-thread. It's a ridiculous thing to be asked to sign, but if you're talking about the school under an assumed name, and without actually mentioning the school name, they would hhave a hard time proving you were doing it...wouldn't they? <<looks around the back of the laptop for surveillance devices!>>

bochead Wed 19-Jun-13 11:16:38

So send her as it's not worth marital discord. If it does turn into a DFS then it'll be next summer it'll come to a head & he'll be around to deal with it himself lol!

Just "lose" the letter re social networking, OR refuse to sign it saying "if you have nothing to hide........." depending on how bolshy you are feeling. I flat out refuse to sign anything that reduces my own personal freedoms just as a point of principle, thin end of the wedge and all that. Too cynical to risk getting bitten in the behind 5 years down the line when a "situation" crops up and I've forgotten all about some daft form I signed back in the day.

In my case I'd shrug my shoulders and say I didn't think it applied to me as I'm not on face book, and then helpfully thrust the medical form under their nose as a sign of my eager but dumbness wink.

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 10:51:09

I don't know how involved he will be. ATM (summer term) he is able to take her to school every morning on the way to work and occasionally help out in the classroom for trips etc. This is likely to be the case most summer terms because of the nature of his work. It also means that he can take the pressure of my competing demands at this time of year. smile

tryingtokeepintune Wed 19-Jun-13 10:44:27

Sorry to hear of additional stress which you definitely do not need.

FWiw, dd now attends the school that I fought to get ds out of. It was a horrendous fight which became a little personal and I really worried about sending dd there. However, my dd sounds just like yours, autumn born, articulate, interested etc and although I don't like her teacher (cos I am still struggling with what ds endured), I have to admit they are really accommodating in dealing with dd - but then dd is part of their desired cohort.

So, this school might actually turn out to be okay...fingers crossed.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 10:32:55

That's what I think amistill - it's not about the home visit, it's not about the contract - it's about their attitude which is already showing them in a pretty unaccommodating light.

However, I suppose DH could be right - but before I signed anything I would want to know what had brought about the need for the contract, why they wouldn't reschedule the home visit and what would happen in the situation you described. As you say, all schools have their failings I'm sure - but I'd need to know they could do this as a bare minimum before I settled a child there.

Starlight how involved with DH be with school once DD starts? How much will he be affected by it compared to you? (In terms of them not meeting your or DD's needs rather than DD not being happy).

amistillsexy Wed 19-Jun-13 10:25:18

Star, if I were you, I'd be looking to find a more flexible, accommodating school for DD.

With the best will and the most spiffing organisational skills in the WOrld, having a child with additional needs often means that you get called to do things with them unexpectedly. This call often (IME!) happens just at the time when you should be colllecting your other child/ren from their local school. That's when you need them to be sensitive and accommodating. The rigid, inflexible rules they are already imposing suggest to me that they won't take too kindly to a last-minute call at 3.15 telling them you're at DS's SS dealig with an emergency incident, so can they please keep DD safe for half an hour while you sort something out?

Although the local school my youngest two attend has many failings, I know in an emergency they'll look after my two, keep them safe, happy, fed and occupied so they don't worry about where Mummy is. They even offered to bring my two homw the other week when DS1 ran away. That is so much more reassuring than anything OFSTED might say!

crazeelaydee Wed 19-Jun-13 10:05:23

Hmm strange, I'm guessing they have had similar happen before then? makes you ponder a bit about what that could of been about?

I find it slightly unsettling that they need to cover their arses just incase confused

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 09:03:20

No. I don't think so.

I think he thinks that they are being like this because the home visit isn't important, so they're not prepared to bust a gut for something so worthless, and that they have either had a 'situation' regarding facebook that they are trying to avoid repeating or it was just ill thought out.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 09:00:15

Did you ask him how them being completely unprepared to change the date of a home visit makes it an 'excellent' school?

Does he just think this is about you being able to post on MN?

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 08:54:35

He thinks it is a small price to pay for an 'excellent school'.

I guess we differ in our interpretation of excellent.

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 08:53:35

Sent email. Lost enthusiasm for home visit.

Doubt it will be DFS though as dd is probably one of their desired cohort. Autumn born articulate and confident girl who tells the teachers every 5 minutes how much she appreciates whatever activity they have laid out and gets cross on the last day of the week as weekends are boring and she 'wants to learn things'.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 08:51:58

Why not?

What part of this does he find acceptable?

What part of this leads him to believe that they will work with you to accommodate DD's needs?

Why is he getting the final say?

How involved is he with her schooling?


StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 08:50:25

He can sign the stupid thing then!

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 19-Jun-13 08:47:03

Can't persuade DH.......

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 19-Jun-13 08:35:29

Would not ever sign something so Orwellian in nature. Even the Americans would not do this.

I'd also be looking at other schools for your DD. This place could well become a DFS - disaster from the start.

coff33pot Tue 18-Jun-13 23:34:46

I am the most awful suspicious person since battling for DS and reading what goes on around our SN corner with regards to some schools and if I am honest I wouldnt touch this one with a barge pole x Follow your instincts you are good at that smile

bochead Tue 18-Jun-13 20:33:52

I agree with Mumlulu's list and would sadly have to decline the place and sit it out on a waiting list for elsewhere. Too many red flags methinks & it's horrid once the child has started to fall out.

No way would I sign any gagging clause, out of sheer principle tbh (I don't even have a FB account). If the schools alright, then why the need to shut you up before you even walk through the gates?

PolterGoose Tue 18-Jun-13 20:33:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 18-Jun-13 20:31:31

How about:

Just sending an email to clarify that the reason I am unavailable for a home visit is due to our responsibility to our disabled ds at that time.

I am sorry that you could not accommodate this as it places carers at a significant disadvantage.

They won't know jackshit about the EA. That's a technical term too.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 18-Jun-13 20:29:13

So my email should really say:

Just sending an email to clarify that the reason I am unavailable for a home visit is due to our responsibility to or ds at that time.

I am sorry that you have chosen to be arses.

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 18-Jun-13 20:25:28

Did you notice the technical language - I have got multiple degrees in the language of 'arses' grin

PolterGoose Tue 18-Jun-13 20:23:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 18-Jun-13 20:20:18

The problem is that direct discrimination means what it says, you have to treat someone differently because of their disability.

You have to approach it this way:

Imagine Ms X rings up school and says, I can't do home visit on that day because I am working and school says, we can't re-arrange, it is a one-off thing, so you've had it.

Then Ms Y rings and says I can't do home visit on that day because I have to collect my child who has a disability from school and school says, we can't re-arrange, it is a one-off thing, so you've had it.

The reason they are saying no to re-arranging is because they are arses, not because of the disability.

If the reasonable adjustment duty applied to associated discrimination, Ms Y could say well you have to make an exception (a reasonable adjustment) in my case because of my child's disability.

But the reasonable adjustment duty does not apply so they are just arses.

PolterGoose Tue 18-Jun-13 19:52:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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