Frustrated with daughter

[Albaba]

I have posted before about having concerns about my daughter. She is not walking at 20 months and has had an MRI which has shown that she has a lesion on her brain.

Have just had a really bad morning. Had them at crèche in church this morning and her twin bumped her head on a chair and started crying and then the other twin starts sobbing for no reason. I'm on my on with two wailing babies.

Also she looks different. She wears glasses to correct a squint in her eye and she just literally sits there and doesn't move. One of the other women asked what age she was and was like "really she's 20 months old and still not walking". Just said to her that she has a few problems. There was another child there which was literally half the age of my daughter and she was moving and interacting more than she was.

I just feel now as she is getter older that it is becoming more obvious to other people that something is not right with her. After months of physio she can know sit unaided and pull herself to standing. We are working now on side stepping. It just seems so unfair. It seems to come naturally to other children and her twin but not to my daughter.
I am just really frustrated with her and wish that she would do more. Especially with them being twins I imagined them doing everything together and not one being able bodied and the other not. I don't want a disabled child. I want a normal child that can do normal things that other children take for granted like walking.

[TheLightPassenger]

I have no experience of twins but didnt want to leave you unanswered, i am sorry you are having such a hard time, and having twins does make it harder, as on top of the logistical demands you cant protect yourself emotionally by avoiding kids the same age as yours if it gets too much. If you can, you need some time to yourself, doing non kid related stuff, you need a break from the worry, but i appreciate that money or lack of support can make things harder.

[amymouse]

Hello,

I can only echo what people have said above; it is hard accepting your child has a different path and its impossible not to get frustrated at times. It must be hard with twins as it is one thing not comparing your child with the motley crew from toddler groups but far less easy at home with the pair of them.
My DD recently had an MRI; they expected to find a lesion(s) to back up a clinical diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy (at 20months she was pretty much the same stage as you describe your DD). Her MRI came back clear and baffled our paed who was sure there would be something "obvious" but we kept the CP label as she does present with spasticity in her legs/hips/ankles. We have had physio since birth and always have something to work on/attend which is frustrating at times but if we didn't have it I know I'd be rampaging to accquire it and feel helpless at the lack of input I could give.
She is now 2y 9months and whilst not walking independantly can cruise for England, and is getting a dab hand with a walker. There is a noticeable gap between her and an her peers and people constantly assume she is at least a year younger and very tall for her age; I wish there wasn't the gap but I try not to dwell on it. Easier said than done. She has come so far and I know will go further still and is such a lovely little character. Have you tried any preschool special needs groups? We only recently plucked up the courage to try some and tbh it's a relief not to stick out like a sore thumb sometimes. Many welcome and cater for siblings too for her twin to come with her so they can do things together (and you can have a come of tea with people who probably feel the same as you).

[LuvMyBoyz]

I don't want a disabled child, either. But I have got one. He's now 17 with unclear speech, very little memory and struggles to read or add to 10. I didn't even know until he was 2 years old and he went through assessments and got a CP label. I had to let go of the ds I THOUGHT I had and accept a different child. It took years. I love him so much and have learned so much by being his mom...I thought I'd never be happy again but I am. It has been very hard at times...I see so much of what I went through on this forum...but you will get through it, Albaba. Best wishes.

[vjg13]

You do have a normal child who will do normal things but she will do them on a different timescale to other children .

I found it really hard when my daughter was at the age yours is now, she eventually walked at 26 months. She also had a squint which was surgically corrected at about 6/7 years old. It is awful when people make comments, especially 'what is wrong with her' but that is their issue and doesn't need to be yours. Concentrate on getting your daughter the support she needs. Some preschool special needs groups are excellent too.

I agree so much with LuvMyBoyz. My daughter is 15 now and I just see her for who she is. She has taught me much more than I have her and made me a better parent and person, it takes time and strength.