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morning school run(11 Posts)
Please give me some tips to reduce stress on the morning school run. I have a 3 yr old who whines and cries for the i pad in the morning and does nothing by herself. She is diagnosed asd but quite capable...does not do things not cos she cannot do...cos she knows mum and dad will do them for her, despite that...will not chew her food, hence food goes half eaten, hence tired and not performing up to the mark in school. I am yelling on top of my voice, fuming and she cries...her crying gets the mick out of me and I lose it! She totally winds me up...and I want to break this cycle.
More later, since I'm in the middle of filling a messy wall, but if she wants the iPad, then it needs to become a reward for something she needs to do - eg if she eats her breakfast, without a fuss, then 15 minutes iPad (with DS1 at this age, it was until the clock says 8:15, or whatever - you can write it down so she can match what you've written to a digital clock, or you could invest in a timer)
Hi zumbaleena I really wish I could help! BUT instead I will be watching this thread intently. My Dd is 4 NT (but I'm beginning to think differently for many reasons) and we have been having similar for the past 12 months. I actually do not look forward to school mornings because I know the first words from her lips when she opens her eyes will be "I don't want to go school" (nursery) yet her CT tells me she is fine while there and I have seen happy smiling pictures from her time there on the classroom wall, she whines/cries/shouts about just about everything! Won't get dressed although she has been able to do this before she was 2. Hates having a wash, teeth brushed, hair brushed, wrong trousers, wrong dress, wrong cardigan, wrong knickers!! won't eat her breakfast which as you say results in her getting tired and even more niggly when I am collecting her. My Ds 8 has a Dx of AS and he is by far the more relaxed of the two. I get sick of hearing my own voice some days and I must admit it starts to get in my head and I find it really hard to stay calm.
I've tried sticker chart etc etc, but I have just seen a book mentioned on another thread called The explosive child which I have just ordered on amazon in the hope that there's something in there which can help
Stop shouting. (I mean it, it doesn't help and it makes you all miserable)
Choose clothes at bedtime. Lay them out on a chair ready.
Give yourself enough time to do everything, if you hav to get up earlier.
If you are late, you are late. Better 5mins late and happy than just on time with tears in you eyes.
School bags packed an by the door.
If you drive, iPad in the car on he wy to school, if not when you are ready to go.
If she has problems keeping on track, a washin line (bit if string) with clothes pegs with pictures of toothbrush/breakfast/shoes etc and a bowl helps. Peg up what needs doing. She takes the peg down and drops it in the bowl when done. Visual timetable without the school connotations.
Happy is more important than fed.
What I am wondering, re: breakfast, is if she doesn't really enjoy a particular food, but doesn't have the communication skills to tell you. Maybe try giving her a greater role in shopping for her breakfast - even if it means she ends up with sugary crap. DS1 has been through the sugary crap in the morning phase. He's going through a fish finger sarnie for breakfast phase, now!
Something else that's occurred to me, is do you wash her and clean her teeth before or after breakfast? If it's before, then her food might taste odd with freshly cleaned teeth. Kids with ASD often have a lot of sensory quirks.
And, when you know that you're being stretched to the limit, trying to do as much as possible wordlessly really helps. It breaks the cycle of you firing off each other.
Feels mad me commenting as still struggle so much myself but these things have helped me-
iPad (or current obsession, could be Thomas DVD or whatever) when dressed and breakfast over
Dh gets up early and has younger sibling while I dress dd1 and myself so the worst bit is done before he goes
Visual stuff so timetable and/or timer at various times. So she gets the iPad till the alarm goes, this got out of hand as she would do nothing without it though so I now use it intermittently.
Sensory integration therapy, a massage routine before all stressful events such as getting dressed, putting coat on etc but I had OT help for this.
When DS, Aspergers, was about 5 we had terrible trouble with this. I made 5 books, based on the days of the week, stating what he had to do before school everyday.
Today is Monday.
I am going to school.
I will put on the clean school uniform which is hung on the back of my door.
I will then go downstairs and sit at the table and eat my breakfast.
If I do this quickly I will have time to play before school.
Around 8.30 Mum will ask me to put my shoes and coat on.
We will then leave the house and get in the car to go to school.
I got DS to illustrate each page. We then used them for a few months and it really helped.
I know your DC is younger, but wonder what if the basic idea might work for you?
thanks everyone. zzz...u r right.i am an IDIOT. i will stop shouting right away
I find that it's best to leave getting ready for school until the last minute (for the girls) but be prepared long before (for me).
So: We have a 'destination station'. Each girl has a coat peg. They have a slot for their school bags, a slot for gloves/hat/scarf/etc. and a slot for shoes.
The key with this bit is to make them put everything in the right place the night before as they come in from school/go to bed.
I try and make sure I write in DD1's home-school book the night before, so I just have to add any crucial sentence in the morning. Likewise any envelopes with forms/money all sorted the night before.
They can do whatever they like until I say 'get ready for school.' Then, they have to get uniform on, shoes on, and sit at the dining room table. DD1 does much better if she can have scones for breakfast, and needs longer for cereals.
I literally wait until 30 minutes before her bus comes:
7.50 -uniform on.
8.15 -coat, check face, bag.
8.20 - get on bus.
Then I have another 10-15 minutes to get the other girls finished off.
8.35 - out the door.
I set myself a different time to the girls. I start chanting about being late at 8.30 so that they hurry. I know that in reality as long as we leave by 8.40 we'll be ok.
Also, I use a mixture of incentive - 1 dolly mixture for getting x done and fear (bad mummy) - I am starting the engine in x minutes.
We use a visual timeline, low level noise and fuss to reduce anxiety and never, ever say we are going to be late. Dd3 is guaranteed to go slower if she thinks I am rushing her.
Try to go calm, I know its hard but it really works
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