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Help Calm down - Rant!

(18 Posts)
kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 08:37:02

My DS almost 3 - (ASD) has been going to nursery for 6 months- he hates it as its so unpredictable, does not do change at all and he finds being with other children very stressful. We have been working on this with Nursery staff,OtT, SALT and the inclusion officer, on trying to improve transition and things with Visuals and prompts- all was going okish - he still hated it but would calm down after an hour or so of being there.

However today when I dropped him off his whole bloody room has been changed round, I mean everything. The nursery workers were really sorry and said they had no prior warning. I am so fucking angry as Nursery know he would be like this. When the room leader knows there will be changes she does them little by little and when DS is in the room - even when its just changing a wall display.

What pisses me off the most is that if they had warned me - I could have prepared him a bit better - by taking photos and using visuals. I am so fucked off - its not the change I am pissed off at but the way in which it was done.

I am going in to the nursery later for an IEP review. Help me calm down and get my head together because right now I just want to go and shout/cry and get angry at the manager because this would have set my DS back hugely and most if not all of the staff would know this.

I know this may not sound like a massive deal but to us it is - I struggle to get him to nursery as it is.

cornypedicure Fri 17-May-13 08:43:38

I'm not surprised your angry - poor ds.
What were their reasons for making the changes?
I'd suggest urgent training in ASD for whoever made this decision - Plonker.

cornypedicure Fri 17-May-13 08:44:12

sorry - you're hmm
<have a pet on my shoulder>

kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 09:04:09

That the thing Corny Everyone knows Ds is like this - Staff have attended Early bird, Salt,OT, ED Psych, Pead, and La Senco have been in and offered advice and support to the setting.

They moved a table 4 months ago and he is adjusting to that and finally sitting on it rather than eating his lunch on the floor. I know the assistant manager would have had explained to the manager about Ds as the first thing she said to me this morning was I am so so sorry, it was done last night and none of the staff knew about it.

The Manager does not give a flying fuck about Ds and would not put my Ds needs above her own wants- I need to raise this firmly and make sure it never happens again.

I would consider moving him but we have so much work, support and money put in to training the staff - and they are great with DS -that I would be loathed to as I am not sure many places would be as understanding with his needs as they are.

I am just so very upset for DS and angry that months and months of work has been thrown away.

Scottishdancer Fri 17-May-13 09:09:48

We still have a similar situation to this in school and ds in yr 5. One of the teachers who knows ds problems insists on the children all changing tables every half term, We have explained on numerous occasions how distressing this is for ds, but she still does it.

cornypedicure Fri 17-May-13 09:30:22

is this a private nursery?
does the manager have a superior who you could make a complaint to?

cornypedicure Fri 17-May-13 09:31:21

scottishdancer that teacher sounds incredibly arrogant

kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 09:37:36

corny Yes it is private but part of a small chain. I have the Inclusion officer SENCO coming in for a meeting this afternoon to review DS, IEP - I am going to mention it then as because she id from the LA it will add much more impact. I am then write a letter of complaint to the manager and include a copy to head office. I would approach her but I am still angry and very upset so I think it would be best to put it in writing.

Scottishdancer That must drive you crazy, so simple for the teacher not to do that, why must people be so cruel?

DisAstrophe Fri 17-May-13 11:06:00

The Manager does not give a flying fuck about Ds sad
Is there any way you can move your ds? I know that lets them off the hook but better that than your ds unnecessarily upset.

cornypedicure Fri 17-May-13 11:46:42

yes put it in writing - they can't ignore it then.

kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 12:24:10

DisAstrophe not at the moment - I am waiting until his statement is in place as a move without 1-2-1 in place would be to much for him- I also feel a nursery attached to a school that is LA funded would be better, but we are in talks with the private nursery to see that once he gets his funded hours -provided they pass the interview/checks - if we can recommend one of DS VB tutors to work in the nursery with him ( it would not be sold as ABA/VB but just as a TA)- not sure I would be able to do this in an LA funded place.

However the girls who work with DS on a daily basis are great, its just the manager of the place.

zzzzz Fri 17-May-13 12:29:25

I would concentrate on the way the change was made, not that it was made. The arrangement of the class room is never a casual thing, and is normally adjusted depending on the pupils using it. The same with seating plans. Manipulation of environment is a huge part of teaching, but more so in the early years.

That said there should have been a clear strategy for dealing with your sons transition to the new set up. They have let him down. Make sure things are put in place to help him adjust and steps are taken to deal with future changes.

Why do you feel the manager doesn't care about your ds?

kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 12:56:17

zzzzz I have no problem with the change just the fact I had no warning or time to prepare him- its more the planning element that has got me down and angry.

The Manager never wants DS to attend any functions where the nursery is on view so they refused to take him to the Nativity and the Easter party citing he could not cope- they refused to try. The inclusion officer who is great then came in and trained some staff members on policy and inclusion- due to me complaining.

I drove DS key worker to Earlybird for a term as she had no transport- I found out a lot of things about the management and how the staff are treated. I am very aware that this is tinged with bias, but do feel there is an element of truth having seen signs - such as high staff turnover.

The Manager has never approached DS and will call and get another member of staff to deal with him as he is difficult.

I don't think she dislikes him, but that she does not want to put in provision for him out of her resources or go the extra mile for inclusion.

There was another little girl at the nursery who had CP and her mum was so annoyed with the managers active avoidance to put any extra thought in to not only the room, but the outside area that she withdrew her.

I know I am not painting a great view of the nursery, but DS has a good relationship with the girls who work with him and they are so good at taking on advice from SALT and have actively encouraged some of the things I am working on with him at home and a change at the moment would set him back and we are just cracking come barriers at home with his speech.

zzzzz Fri 17-May-13 14:34:27

The most exhausting part of sn is the need to endlessly educate everyone. You sound like you are doing brilliantly. It is exhausting and emotionally draining. I got quit good at "so how are we going to make this more accessible to xxxxx". Followed by "yes that would be great and we could yyyyyyyy".

Always polite. Always helpful (though why the mother who does the other 21hrs a day without support should be doing the extra photocopying/laminating I can imagine). Always email to confirm what's agreed.

Well done on the speech improvements too, that will help enormously.

kyz1981 Fri 17-May-13 15:33:14

Thanks - back from a good meeting so it has calmed me down now- they have promised it won't happen again.

They are going to apply for 2yr SEN funding to get 1-2-1 for him until he gets a statement as nursery are really struggling with him at the moment.

The only thing they said that worried me is they are going to let the children outside whenever they want- the door will be left open! this is apparently something ofstead are pushing.

They will have no chance of engaging him outside as he just runs riot trying to meet every sensory need going- so I am now worrying that this will cause more problems long term in getting him to engage and do/try anything different-Sigh!

Zzzz I can't take all the credit for DS speech much of it is down to his new Peppa pig obsession blush but its lovely hearing him speak.

MareeeyaDoloures Fri 17-May-13 21:08:11

I'm sure Ofsted would be happy with a stairgate, opened on request. Free flow is about free 'access' to outdoors, not having one dc run out and eat stuff with a 1-1 in hot pursuit.

They can cite health and safety with an impulsive dc (whose ASD means no understanding of little fingers at risk of doors slamming)

cornypedicure Sat 18-May-13 09:34:41

yes a stair gate could be classed as a reasonable adjustment for your ds, as it's so important that they are able to control his environment.

kyz1981 Sat 18-May-13 11:34:38

Thanks I will mention that to them.

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