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Teacher constantly contacting me about ds's behaviour and ds missing school..

(12 Posts)
TapselteerieO Tue 14-May-13 16:01:47

We moved school and LA 6 months ago, have had lots of problems over the last 6 months, had meetings with school, contacted CAHMS and arranged sessions for ds - teacher has given us a visual timetable to prepare ds for what he has that day. MS school P4 Scotland, one teacher per class, with specialist teachers for P.E, music and drama.

Ds hates music, first thing on Monday, real struggle to get him to school. Teacher speaks to me morning and afternoon about ds's refusal to participate in class activities and refusing to do work.
Tuesday ds wakes up early, I prepare him for every transition e.g 5 mins until it is time to get dressed, then I physically dress him, because he refuses to get dressed - he is "ill" because he doesn't want to go to school, time to go to the loo, lead him by the hand, prompt him to go, flsh, wash hands by the time we leave for school he is not refusing to go or saying he is ill even though he has maths first.

30 mins before school finishes I get a call from a TA (teacher usually phones me) to say he has a sore tummy. He has not participated in class activities that afternoon. I ask if he has gone to the loo at all ( he generally needs prompted and reminded) he seems absolutely fine when I get there. No one knows if he has gone to the toilet. My ds is being failed by this teacher, he is able to learn but not getting the support to learn and participate in school as his peers do. What can I do?

I almost think my ds is being excluded.

Do I write a letter? To HT and who else can I write to?

I want to kick up hell, I have given the school many chances they seem unwilling to support my ds - where should I start? I really don't want to move him, but I will if necessary, I don't drive so choice is limited.

Waiting on autism outreach to observe ds in class, but I am unhappy and need to do more.

Badvoc Tue 14-May-13 21:42:30

What do you want them to do exactly?
If he will not participate, what do you expect from them?
If he is not getting support then get him some.
Apply for SA.
You dont have to wait for school to do it.

clam Tue 14-May-13 22:24:23

I also am not sure what you're expecting from them. Your ds is fretting about certain lessons. They contact you daily and told you yesterday he had a sore tummy. How is that excluding him?

Is there more to this than you've said?

PolterGoose Tue 14-May-13 22:30:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TapselteerieO Tue 14-May-13 22:50:19

Clam School asked me to come and collect him from school(that to me is exclusion), because he would not participate in class activities, said his tummy was sore, when I got to school he was fine, the TA who contacted me said he seemed fine as well, inferred he was playing up.

Thank you Polter - I just don't know where to turn. HT thinks the school is wonderful at supporting children with SN because it has a base for children with profound/complex disabilities, which might very well be wonderful, but it doesn't seem so great at helping my ds with ASN (dx of HFA).

The teacher has contacted me before because my ds has refused to eat his lunch,after having a meltdown,asking me to collect ds - I refused then saying it sets a bad example to my ds - asked the teacher to give him his packed lunch wherever he was. Ds in his last ms school with one to one support never had these issues - I feel the school is failing to support my ds. We don't have SA (not sure what it is). We have something called SPELL, another thing called a child's plan as well as a co-ordinated support plan (CSP) which is in the midst of being created.

I just feel in the mean time I should be able to do something proactive to stop my son missing school and help him learn and progress, as well as make friends.

TapselteerieO Tue 14-May-13 22:59:29

He is not "fretting" we were late for school because he refused to move - eventually got him into school, somehow, but he refused to go to music and it seemed to me he was left with another child from his class - to look after him while the teacher had McCrone time.

Ds cannot/will not tell me what support he gets, teacher tells me when he hasn't done his work - comes out to tell me, gives him stamps on a reward chart for participation - this has only recently started but I don't feel it is very effective. They are very vague when I ask what support ds gets. He has a desk in the corner of the class, on his own, back to the class to do his work.

PolterGoose Tue 14-May-13 23:06:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cansu Wed 15-May-13 06:58:15

They shouldn't be asking you to collect him just because he doesn't want to take part. I think you need to meet with them and say this. They need to be making it clear to your ds that he attends lessons and they also need to support him to help him access the lessons. It may well be that for example in music he sits in the class but doesn't play the instruments or that he stays for a certain length of time that is gradually increased or whatever. Maybe he is noise sensitive and has good reason for disliking the lesson. Whatever the issue they need to work out a strategy and use it.

TapselteerieO Wed 15-May-13 14:40:09

Thank you Polter and cansu - I am feeling a bit frustrated, I am going to CAHMS appointment tonight, so will see if they have any additional advice.

Spoke to autism outreach observer today, so glad I did, she observed ds yesterday morning and didn't know he wasn't participating or about him coming home from school early, she is going to be writing a report and will e-mail school in the meantime raising some of my main concerns. It was good to have someone to talk to - school get defensive when I raise concerns with them and it is just frustrating knowing what I can expect and the procedures/hoops I need to jump through.

I get v emotional talking about my son, I don't even think I have it hard but it is still hard iykwim.


coff33pot Thu 16-May-13 00:27:20

The school sound like they dont know what they are doing or not trained to know what they are doing smile

Best position would be to the front of the class with everyone else behind him apart from a support TA and perhaps a class peer.

If he is at the front then there are no distractions going on and the lesson might just grab his attention.

Your DS could well have sensory issues around noise or busy times which is why he prefers to avoid it.

He could well be having a stomach ache as children can develop one at times of stress (like our head ache)

School perhaps need to be advised that during or after a meltdown is not the best time to coax a child to go somewhere else to eat or even talk, agree or understand what you want them to do. Anxiety within the DC wipes all awareness away and its only self survival instinct within them.

Not sure if meltdown was due to not wanting to go to the hall to eat or just angry and refusing to eat. But if its the first then again noise may be the issue and perhaps he is having no down time himself to chill out between the morning and afternoon.

coff33pot Thu 16-May-13 00:33:38

Hopefully the Autism Outreach will spell a few things out for them and they will put some strategies in the child plan that will help smile

TapselteerieO Thu 16-May-13 10:28:12

Thank you coff33 I will use some of that, very useful advice in my third draft of the CSP - I hope it works.

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