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Continuing issues with DS (6) - no friends after 3 years..

(10 Posts)
AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 18:20:33

I posted this here over a year ago and thought I would come back for more advice after posting on a similar thread today.

Nothing has really changed. He is in year 2 now and still has no friends (after 3 years at the school inc nursery). He is very immature for his age and has some SEN (no statement as we are not exactly sure what is wrong yet but his speech is behind and he has some motor skills issues). He also hates football which most of the other boys play and just plays by himself in the playground fairly happily but the boys seemed to take a dislike to him from the start and tease him/hit him and refuse to play with him or have him sit near them.

Socially he struggles to interact with them and I do understand the problem stems partly from him. The school have been brilliant at trying to help him socialise with games and groups he attends with the SENCO. Sadly I feel like the other kids view of him is tainted and will never change but he doesn't want to move classes and keeps plodding on. He has great relationships with the adults (teacher, TA's etc) and seems happy but I find it quite hard although I never show him that.

To be honest me and his teachers have regular conversations and try different things but nothing works. The boys who were horrible to him were told that they didn't have to play with him if they didn't want to but to leave him alone and not tease him. The problem is now he tries to approach them and they blank him and walk away. He rarely gets invited to birthday parties and is aware as the others hand out invites to everyone but him sad Even playdates are a struggle as the parents of the one boy he really likes turn us down everytime.

He is currently being assessed by a developmental paediatrician which I hope will help but there is a chance nothing will really come of it. I don't think he has aspergers as he doesn't obsess over things. He just seems like he is still about 3 yo mentally.

It is so hard and when nobody knows how to help you feel completely alone. I honestly don't know what to do to help him and feel like he is headed for a difficult life and I should be doing something more!

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 19:26:30


EllenJanesthickerknickers Sun 12-May-13 19:30:07

It does sound hard, angryfeet. Is your DS content to have no friends? TBH, the school need to be a bit more proactive at getting a small circle of DC to play with your DS, while you can't force real friendships you can facilitate them. A change of school might work, start with a clean slate, but could still be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Have you considered having his difficulties explained to his classmates? I know it's controversial, but the DC in my DS's class became much more tolerant and quite protective of my DS after they had an age appropriate explanation of 'invisible disabilities.'

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 20:10:16

Thanks for answering EllenJane. I think the school have tried small circles during class time. The main problems are at playtime as they are supervised by dinner ladies not the normal teachers so he is a bit lost in the playground.

I am actually a class rep so know all the mums really well and DH says I should talk to them but I don't know where to start and whether it is the right thing to do going direct to them as the school always say go through them instead.

Since I can't really explain his difficulties as we don't understand the problem it is hard to do.

AgnesDiPesto Sun 12-May-13 20:14:55

have you thought about dyspraxia?

PolterGoose Sun 12-May-13 20:19:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 20:30:32

Yes I did look at that Agnes. He fits a lot of it although he does play lots with constructive toys and loves imaginative play. I am hoping the developmental paed will come up with the answer to this but they still havent done his school assessment which is the final thing they do before I get a report. Am going to chase them tomorrow.

I know what you mean polter but I feel uncomfortable complaining when they have done so much to try and help him.

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 20:32:53

Also I dont think he is clumsy. No more than any other child.

AngryFeet Sun 12-May-13 21:08:58


PolterGoose Sun 12-May-13 22:19:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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